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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29999460">Tea-Stament of Faith</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Minor Fjord/Jester Lavorre, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Torture, Warning: Trent Ikithon, too many references to how much time has passed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:35:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>56,963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29999460</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Some nights, Caleb Widogast can look in the mirror and he does not see a monster. Some nights Caleb Widogast looks in the mirror and punches it until his knuckles bleed until the mirror shatters until everything is stained red, red, red with blood that won’t wash any of the sins he has committed clean. Some nights Caleb Widogast cannot look in the mirror.<br/>Jester wore her cheery over-excitable nature like armor, wielding it when she thought people she cared about needed to be made happier or using it as a shield for herself to cover up her own worry. Jester Lavorre worried a lot.<br/>Caduceus had fathomless pink eyes that seemed to x-ray everything about anyone Cad ever met, knowing what they needed and he always seemed so eager to provide it. Beau had told Caleb once that she was worried his demeanor was a shield, that he was “kind of more of a mess than he lets on, y’know?” Caleb agreed with her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Orange and Lavender</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! If you are reading this, you're beautiful and I love you. Warnings for this chapter: Caleb Widogast needs a hug, Mollymauk Tealeaf needs a filter, and Beau needs a break. If reading any of this is troublesome for you, please don't! I'll see you in the next chapter, and if I don't then it was just the turn of the wheel. My wheel was a broken potter's wheel from 3300 BC and yours was the Jeopardy Wheel. You landed on "Free Spin" and I didn't land on anything, because my wheel doesn't exactly spin anymore.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh my gods, <em> Cayyyleb! </em> It’s, like, probably not even going to be that <em> bad, </em> probably!” Jester Lavorre, an energetic blue tiefling, pulled the aforementioned “Cayyyleb” by his bandage-covered hand towards a brightly decorated building. Jester had a tendency to speak in italics and emphasize words unnecessarily in a way that should be annoying, but she somehow just made it very endearing. Jester wore that cheery over-excitable nature like armor, wielding it when she thought people she cared about needed to be made happier or using it as a shield for herself to cover up her own worry. Jester Lavorre worried a lot.</p><p>Jester was using her charm and buoyancy as a dual weapon today, as both a motivator for her friend and as a crutch for herself. She didn’t want him to know how deeply she fretted over him, and so she bounced exaggeratedly across the street, tail swinging with more vigor than she normally would use. The facade seemed to be working, which was why “Cayyyleb” was smiling slightly through his blushing red face, tugging backward desperately on his hand to slow his bulldozer of a friend with little to no results. “Cayyyleb” was not very strong, and Jester was very, <em> very </em>strong. </p><p>“Cayyyleb” was, for lack of a better word, dirty and tired looking. This was because he <em>was </em>dirty and tired. It was very easy to imagine why Jester worried about him. He had stringy auburn hair and a rather unkempt beard. He was too thin, his clothes hung off his lithe frame in a way that wasn’t particularly healthy. His patched and frayed coat seemed to be more of a security blanket than a functional piece of outerwear. Under the dirt, and the dark circles, the man had haunted but kind blue eyes. The sort of sharp blue that marked an abundance of intelligence he almost didn’t know what to do with, the kind that seemed to curl inward and make him awkward and halting in the face of social interaction. “Cayyyleb” clutched at Jester’s hand like it was a lifeline but also as if it was a hot iron that he was welded to; as if it burned but he couldn’t let go.</p><p>Oblivious to anything going on around her, Jester barred on, verbally and physically, “Nott is <em> already </em> waiting for you inside, so like, she’ll <em> know </em> if you totally <em> chicken out </em> and Beau already works here so you have a <em> totally awesome work buddy </em> to goof off on shifts with and you <em> know </em> Caddy is <em> really, really chill </em> like he’s totally high, like, <em> all the time </em> and he knows you’re, like, a <em> super good student </em> and everything, so he’s going to be <em> super </em> great with all your school stuff and if you need time off or if you want, like, <em> drugs </em> or something he could <em> probably </em> get you some or something probably and I just <em> want you to have nice things </em> !” Jester stopped short with a slightly despairing wail. Caleb Widogast, the anxious person attached to the bandaged hand Jester had been hauling toward the bright tea and bookshop, <em> Tea-stament of Faith, </em> had been so busy trying to decipher Jester’s italicized run-on sentence that he missed her coming to a standstill in the middle of the sidewalk, running completely into her back. Rubbing at his forehead, Caleb cursed under his breath in Zemnian. Jester spun around and seized both of Caleb’s hands, looking seriously into his eyes, “I <em> mean </em> it, Caleb,” she said, for once not turning his two-syllable name into a four or five-syllable affair, “this is a really <em> good </em> thing, and it’s a really <em> nice </em> thing, and you can <em> have </em> it if you <em> want </em> it because you <em> deserve to have nice things.” </em> </p><p>Caleb’s throat closed up and he swallowed thickly, “<em>Ja…</em> <em>ja</em>, ok Jester… I-I will… I will go.” Caleb didn’t flinch from Jester’s loud squeal and zealous hug through careful practice. He wasn’t a tactile person, not because he hated to be touched, but because it had been so long that he’d had people that being touched by them felt <em>safe</em>. But Jester was safe, and she was happy for him and she wanted him to have nice things. It was terrifying and wonderful and Caleb was almost paralyzed with the emotions rolling around inside of him, so he just weakly patted his friend on the back instead. Pulling back, Jester beamed at Caleb and grabbed one of his hands again, tugging him toward the shop again. Caleb took a fortifying breath before Jester threw open the doors to the <em>Tea-stament of Faith</em>, a pleasant chime sounding throughout the shop.</p><p>“Helloooo, <em> Caaaduuuceeeuuuus…? </em> It’s <em> Jeeesterrr </em>and <em> Cayyyleb! </em> ” Jester grinned from ear to ear as she skipped to the counter, leaving Caleb to shove his hands into the pockets of his coat and twist his fingers into the fabric nervously. Jester leaned across the surface, “Hellooo <em> -” </em></p><p> “Jester, would you shut the fuck up,” a monotone voice cut through another one of Jester’s greetings, and if one didn’t know the person attached to the voice, then it could be assumed that the person was incredibly pissed off. In actuality, the person was only <em>mildly </em>pissed off. Beauregard Lionett walked out from behind the back of the ‘Employees Only’ section of the <em> Tea-stament </em>pulling the top of her dark-brown hair into a top knot and sticking her tongue out at the blue tiefling, “Oh, hey Caleb, ‘sup?” Caleb smiled weakly at his friend from his spot by the door, where he hadn’t moved. Beau frowned slightly. “You’re here for the interview, yeah?” Beau asked, with all her usual tact, “You can just head back, Cad’s just doing some filing, I think,” Beau rolled her eyes as she threw a blue flower-patterned apron on over her work-out pants, “I have no fuckin’ idea what it is that he does, it’s fuckin’ magic.” Jester giggled at her friend, drawing nonsense doodles on the countertop with the tip of her finger.</p><p>“You are <em> sooo </em> eloquent, Beau, where did you go to school for learning how to talk <em> so good?” </em></p><p> “The school of ‘Fuck You’ and I got my degree in ‘These Nuts’,” Beau wiggled her eyebrows and flexed her biceps at Jester, who dissolved into cackles, draping herself over a nearby chair dramatically. Beau looked over at Caleb and winked, subtly tilting her head towards the back of the store. Caleb gave his friend another feeble smile before peeling himself off the wall he’d plastered himself to and walking towards the “Employees Only” sign. Caleb stared at his feet and counted the steps it took him to reach the door, timing his breathing with his walking, clinging to it like a lifeline. <em> This was fine, </em> he thought desperately, <em> this was a good thing, a nice thing, and Jester wanted him to have nice things, and she was a good friend who wouldn’t want things that were bad for him. </em>Jester and Beau watched him out of the corner of their eyes but didn’t make it noticeable that they were, and continued their ridiculous conversation and flexing at each other.</p><p> “<em> Psst! Caleb! </em>” Caleb was startled out of his self-affirming thoughts by the very familiar voice of his friend and roommate, Nott. Whipping his head around, Caleb saw Nott crouched behind a bookshelf, clutching a very large coffee. “Over here!” Nott grinned a toothy smile at Caleb, waving him over frantically. Caleb walked over, kneeling down so he was eye level with his friend.</p><p>“What are you doing here, <em> Schatz? </em>” Nott frowned at Caleb.</p><p>“I told Jester to tell you I was going to be here!” Caleb shook his head.</p><p>“<em>Nein,</em> <em>nein,</em> I know you were going to be here, I mean- what are you doing behind the bookshelf?” Nott smiled at Caleb guiltily and gripped her coffee mug tighter.</p><p>“Oh, you know,” she started breezily, and Caleb raised one ginger eyebrow, causing a green flush to overtake the goblin girl’s cheeks, “It’s umm, more comfortable! Behind here…” Nott trailed off unconvincingly and Caleb’s stare sharpened on her. “<em> I-wanted-to-spy-on-Caduceus-before-you-got-here-to-make-sure-he-wasn’t-a-weirdo-or-anything-you-can-reply-to-this-message!” </em>Nott hissed the entire sentence out in one word, turning a darker shade of green. She took a healthy gulp of coffee to avoid looking at Caleb but was startled by his laugh, sloughing latte down the front of her dress. </p><p>“Oh, <em> Scheiße, </em> Nott, I am sorry I didn’t mean to startle you,” Caleb’s eyes were still sparkling with mirth. He cast simple prestidigitation to clean the front of Nott’s dress, standing up and holding his hand out to the goblin who took it sheepishly. “You do not have to spy on <em> Herr </em> Clay for me, <em> Schatz, </em> Jester, and Beau speak highly of him and we have met him several times. Thank you for doing so, though. Has, um, Beau given you a lot of coffee?” Caleb could not help but notice the way the little goblin vibrated in his hand as he walked the both of them over to their other two friends. Nott nodded her head vigorously, clutching her half-empty mug to her chest protectively. Caleb sighed slightly. Of course, she had. “Jester, could you, um, hang out with Nott while I, um…” Caleb faltered as words failed him. Luckily, Jester never really needed a lot of words from other people, as she provided an abundance of them. </p><p>“Oh, <em> of course, </em> Caleb! Nott, Beau, and I were talking about whose muscles were bigger, and it’s like, <em> totally </em>mine, right?” </p><p>Nott looked gravely between the two girls. “Yasha’s are bigger.” Beau choked on her tea, immediately turning bright red, and Jester winked at Caleb over Nott’s head. Caleb made his way towards the employee section of the store again, feeling much lighter than he had before. He knew he shouldn’t feel comforted that Nott had been trying to suss out Caduceus, however, Nott’s overwhelming mothering and concern towards Caleb always soothed him. It was nice, being surrounded by people who obviously cared about him, and on days like this, it was easier to accept. It was easier to push aside the dark, evil voice in his head that told him that he didn’t deserve any of this- that he didn’t deserve people caring about him. </p><p>Caleb knocked tentatively on the door, hearing a deep and kind, “One second!” filter through before it opened to reveal the towering figure of Caduceus Clay. Caduceus was a grey firbolg with shocking pink hair. He was too thin, although Caleb didn’t really have any room to talk, and he had the most open and understanding face Caleb had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Fathomless pink eyes seemed to x-ray everything about anyone Cad ever met, knowing what they needed and he always seemed so eager to provide it. Beau had told Caleb once that she was worried his demeanor was a shield, that he was “kind of more of a mess than he lets on, y’know?” Caleb agreed with her. </p><p>Caduceus’ face broke out into a wide, pleased grin, “Mister Caleb! Right on time. Did you want some tea? I have a lavender-orange blend on now if you want.” Caleb blinked up at the firbolg.</p><p>“Uh… <em>ja,</em> <em>Herr</em> Clay, and<em> ja </em>that sounds lovely.”</p><p>“Excellent, do you want to sit? We can do the interview right over here.” Caduceus gestured to a little table, which looked like it had been covered in papers that were hastily shoved aside to make room for a teapot and two mugs. The mugs were already filled with tea. Caleb smiled.</p><p>“<em>Ja,</em> <em>Herr</em> Clay that sounds <em>gut.</em>” </p><p>Caduceus bustled around, blessedly not looking at Caleb while he sat down and shakily reached for a mug. Taking a tentative sip, the tea was the perfect drinking temperature. It was warm and settled some of Caleb’s tense nerves. After a few minutes (two minutes and seventeen seconds) Caduceus sat down gingerly across from Caleb at the little table and took out a yellow folder. Caleb took a shuddering breath and counted backward from fifteen. <em> This was a good thing, and he could have a good thing. He had friends outside that thought this was a good thing, and they wanted him to have good things</em>. Caleb took another sip of his tea. </p><p>“I am going, to be honest with you, Mister Caleb,” Caleb braced himself to be disappointed. It was only fair that Caduceus went with another applicant. Caleb didn’t deserve to have this job. He didn’t deserve- “This interview is only a formality.” <em> What? </em>“Miss Beauregard speaks very highly of you, and your resume is outstanding, Mister Caleb. I would very much like to hire you to work here.” Silence filled the little back room for a few minutes (three minutes and eleven seconds). “Is that acceptable for you, as well, Mister Caleb?”</p><p>“Um, uh, <em> ja- </em>I mean, yes, yes of course. Yes.” Caleb looked up from his hands into Caduceus’ kind eyes and smiled. It was a small smile, but Caduceus figured he could work on that. Caduceus smiled back. </p><p>“Excellent, Mister Caleb. Now, I know you’re still in school. That is very important to me. We will work with your schedule, so you won’t have to worry about that, alright?” Caleb nodded his head silently, but Caduceus didn’t seem to need words from him at the moment, thankfully, “Excellent. Well, there’s just some paperwork that we need to fill out and then I can give you some contact information and I’ll work out a start date with you, alright? <em> Excellent! </em> Welcome to the <em> Tea-statement of Faith. </em>We are so very glad to have you with us, Caleb Widogast.” Caduceus enveloped one of Caleb’s hands in both of his massive grey ones. </p><p>Caleb started to breathe properly for the first time that morning. He started to believe, just a little bit, that he was allowed to have nice things.</p>
<hr/><p>A little bit later (twenty-two minutes and forty-six seconds), Caleb left the back room of the <em> Tea-statement of Faith </em>holding a welcome folder filled with information in it and an apron that Caduceus had let Caleb pick out. Caleb had gone with a muted grey one covered in small lavender flowers. It was the least ostentatious one the firbolg had presented but for some reason had made Cad’s eyes sparkle when Caleb had picked it out. Nott’s head whipped toward Caleb in the most Nott-like, unsubtle fashion. Beau and Jester nudged the goblin at the same time, hissing her name in tandem. The sight really was quite amusing, and everything seemed so much lighter coming from the other side of the interview that Caleb laughed. Jester’s face lit up and Beau let out a breath, tension from her shoulders easing slightly. Nott grinned and leaned forward in her stool at the counter, almost toppling over, “You got it! You got it! I knew you’d get it, Cay!” </p><p>Caleb came to stand next to Nott, ruffling her hair affectionately, “<em> Ja</em>, <em> Liebling</em>, I got the job. I start next week.” Caleb winced at Jester’s squeal, gently patting her back as she threw her arms around his neck.</p><p>“Oh my <em>gods, </em> this is probably the, like, <em> best thing ever </em>probably! Now I can come here and get coffee from you <em> and </em> Beau <em> and </em> Caddy and you can bring <em> Frumpkin </em> and there can be a <em> shop cat </em> and you can <em> meet someone </em> and <em> fall in love, </em>” Caleb choked on air at that and Beau thumped him on the back, “and I can bring Fjord and-”</p><p>“Holy shit, Lavorre, let him breathe,” Beau was laughing as she tried to pry the blue ball of ADHD off of Caleb, as she had misinterpreted the bright red of his cheeks to be from air loss. Once freed from Jester’s vice-like grip, Beau turned to Caleb and beamed at him, punching him on the shoulder, “Dude! Work buddies!”</p><p>“<em> Ja </em>, I believe… work buddies, Beauregard.” Caleb gave Beau a small, appreciative smile.</p><p>“We <em>totally </em>need to celebrate! I’m going to text Fjord and Yasha and Yasha can invite Molly because you haven’t met him yet and we can all hang out and celebrate you getting a new job and we can go to my house and watch movies and eat ice cream and stuff! Right, Caleb?” Jester turned over-large purple eyes on Caleb, throwing in some pouty puppy dog lips for good measure. Caleb rubbed his hand through his beard nervously. He was loath to disappoint Jester, especially when he knew that this was clearly very important to her. She was trying to cover it up by over-emphasizing her words and movements, but the stillness of her tail told Caleb how deeply she wanted Caleb to say yes. Caleb smiled weakly at Jester.</p><p>“<em> Ja, </em> Jester I-I think a movie night would be <em> schön </em>.” Jester beamed a thousand-watt smile at Caleb and turned to Nott, immediately beginning planning with the goblin girl while Caleb started to drift away from the conversation, mentally. If Caleb didn’t think about the amount of social interaction he would have to face, then it was a problem for Later Caleb and there was less of a chance he would bail and hurt Jester’s feelings. </p><p>Beau, without blinking, made Caleb a large to-go mug of the lavender and orange tea that Caduceus had made earlier. The floral and tangy scent drifted toward Caleb, and he immediately started to feel better. Taking the warm cardboard cup from his friend, Caleb nodded his thanks at Beau, who just rolled her eyes and turned away. Beau wasn’t the best at emoting in a <em> normal </em>way, but Caleb was fine with that. He knew that Beau cared, in her round-about Beau way. He just had to keep reminding himself that he had people in his life who <em>cared </em>now.</p><p>Caleb was content to be a passive participant in the conversation of “Movie Night Plans” while he idly sipped his tea. Caduceus came out after a little bit (sixteen minutes and twenty-two seconds) and started to bake off some muffin batter he and Beau had made the night before. The scent of baking cranberry and orange muffins drifted throughout the tea and bookshop, and Jester’s tail started making figure eights in the air behind her. “<em>Where</em> did you get all the oranges, Caddy, they smell <em>so</em> <em>good</em>!” The tiefling leaned toward Caduceus, grinning at the firbolg who smiled back affectionately. </p><p>“We got a large shipment from the Menagerie Coast early this week, they came very cheaply. I guess they had a larger crop than they were expecting. I’ve been experimenting with tea blends and new pastry flavors. Would you… like to try a muffin, Miss Jester?” Jester, who had obviously been aiming for this, squealed in delight and made grabby hands towards Caduceus, who laughed his deep, rich laugh and put a warm muffin on a napkin for her. Beau’s eyes crossed at the tiefling’s theatrics, but she was smiling at the girl all the same as she wiped down the counter. “Please be honest and tell me what you think of it, Miss Jester, I would appreciate your feedback.”</p><p>Jester took a bite of the muffin and moaned very loudly as the chime indicating a customer was entering sounded throughout the store. Jester, naturally, was oblivious and gave a full body wiggle and rolled her eyes back into her head. “This is <em>sooo </em>good, Caddy, oh my <em>gods </em> !” she moaned again, slumping back into her stool. Beau was holding the back of her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh, cutting her eyes between Jester and the customer who had just entered. Jester was singing (<em>literally </em>singing, loudly and off-key) the praises of Caduceus’s muffin to the firbolg, and was unaware of the subtle message her friend was trying to send her.</p><p>“Am I… uh… <em> interrupting </em>something…?” A slow southern drawl behind Jester caused the blue tiefling to sit up ramrod straight, purple eyes catching Beau’s in a panic. Beau burst out in absolute mirth, bending down to rest her head on the countertop and slamming her fist down over and over again as Jester spun around in her stool so fast she almost toppled out of it. Caleb looked over at a remarkably handsome green half-orc and smiled.</p><p>“Jester is, <em> ah, </em> enthusiastic about Mr. Clay’s muffins, Fjord.” Beau’s peals of laughter redoubled, and Caduceus’s hands hovered nervously over the human, worried that she was going to rupture something. Jester turned a bright blue and tried to stutter out something but it was lost around the mouthful of pastry in her mouth and Fjord took in the entire scene in front of him, blinking slowly. A grin started to overtake his face as the innuendo that Caleb didn’t seem to realize he made dawned on the half-orc. Fjord winked at Jester.</p><p>“I hope you asked permission before, uh, <em> enjoying </em> Caddy’s muffin, Jessie,” Fjord drawled, grinning at Jester’s deep blue blush as Beau rolled onto her back from her place on the counter, gripping a stitch in her side. Nott smirked at the Jester’s embarrassment, as the normally unflappable tiefling tried to swallow her mouthful of muffin a little too quickly and choked slightly. </p><p>“That’s rich coming from a <em> seamen, </em>” Nott grinned savagely at Fjord, whose turn it was to blush slightly at the ribbing. Caleb, still happy to be a passive observer in his friend’s antics, smiled fondly and watched them all take turns attempting to embarrass each other with varying degrees of success. He finished his tea and threw out the cup in the recycling before leaning down to whisper to Nott that he had to go to class. </p><p>Caleb left the <em> Tea-stament of Faith </em>feeling very light, and much happier than he had when he entered. </p>
<hr/><p>Healing is not linear. Telling yourself does not make that truth any easier to swallow. Sometimes, it feels like swallowing glass, reminding yourself that healing is not linear. Some nights, Caleb Widogast can look in the mirror and he does not see a monster. Some nights, Caleb Widogast can look in the mirror and he can see skin and bones and teeth and eyes. Some nights, Caleb Widogast can look in the mirror and he can see a body, <em> his </em>body, and he can recognize it.</p><p>Some nights Caleb Widogast looks in the mirror and punches it until his knuckles bleed until the mirror shatters until everything is stained <em>red,</em> <em>red,</em> <em>red </em>with blood that won’t wash any of the sins he had committed clean. Some nights, Caleb Widogast looks in the mirror and sees fire and ash and blood and death. Some nights, Caleb Widogast looks in the mirror and he sees a corpse, a machine, a tool used for all the horrors of the world. A body with no vocal cords to scream out of. He doesn’t recognize himself.</p><p>Some nights Caleb Widogast cannot look in the mirror.</p><p>Healing is not linear. But it is healing, nonetheless. </p><p>Today was not easy. It was not easy to walk to an unfamiliar place, to do something that made his pulse quicken in fear and made his brain beg his feet to <em>run away, run away, and run away. </em> Caleb’s brain told him often that all he was good for was destruction and escape. Caleb did not destroy anything and Caleb did not run away today. Caleb did something that made him afraid, because it was a <em> good </em>thing, and because he had people who told him he deserved <em>good </em>things. </p><p>Caleb didn’t really believe that he deserved good things yet, but after a year of friendship with Jester and Beauregard, he learned to listen when his friends told him he deserved good things. Usually. Healing is not linear. </p><p>Caleb comes home from his day of classes, greets Nott who is already home in their little apartment, and immediately goes to take a shower. He scrubs at his skin for a while (thirty-two minutes and twenty-seven seconds) until it is raw and red, but it doesn’t <em>feel </em>clean. Caleb never feels clean, he will always feel filthy. For years, Caleb let himself <em>be </em>filthy, embraced the filth that stained his soul until Nott and Jester and Beau pulled him out of the muck and tar that he was wallowing in and pumped him so full of sunlight and warmth and gun shows and pranks and jokes that there wasn’t any room for dirt. Caleb still <em>felt </em>filthy, though. Not as much, but he still felt filthy. Healing isn’t linear. </p><p>Caleb isn’t hungry, but Nott has made dinner while he’s showering, and he would hurt her feelings if he didn’t eat it. Caleb isn’t dumb. He'd been stupid, so, <em> so </em>stupid before, but he isn’t dumb. He knows Nott does this on purpose, knows she learned to cook simple meals and that she cooks for him when he can’t say no so that he eats more but her food is good and he likes when they eat together in silence at the table so he says nothing about it. Nott likes when Caleb eats, so she says nothing about him seeing through her thinly veiled attempts to get him to eat more.</p><p>Tonight, Nott makes mac and cheese with broccoli. It’s painfully simple, but she cuts up ham into it for more protein. Nott makes a sideways comment about how she’d normally put rats into it, but only Yasha would appreciate that. Caleb laughs at that and almost chokes on his mac and cheese. He is distracted by everything that’s happened today so he almost finishes his entire plate. He leaves a fourth of his serving of mac and cheese and half his broccoli left. Nott gives him a pleased smile and Caleb smiles back. Healing isn’t linear, but it’s healing nonetheless. </p><p>Nott and Caleb sit on the couch together, talking about Caleb’s new job, and Nott’s job as a bouncer at a bar (that is how she met Yasha and Fjord, where Yasha works full time and Fjord works part-time when he isn’t off sailing), and they talk about nonsense, and they skirt around the Movie Night Jester planned. Every time Caleb thinks about it his heart beats faster and his brain tells his feet to <em>run away, run away, run away. </em>But then he stops, and he slows down, and Caleb tells himself that Jester cares, and that it will be a good thing, to see all of his friends, and they won’t care if he doesn’t talk or needs to leave, and that Nott is excited and that she deserves to have a night of cheesy movies and too much ice cream.</p><p>Caleb and Nott watched the newest episode of <em> Tusk Love</em>, a shitty rom-com that Jester forced them to watch, and that Nott got very invested in (but she would vehemently deny if anyone asked) but Caleb mostly floated in and out of attention. Nott never minded, and Caleb was grateful. She was always very understanding of Caleb’s behavior after a long day, never demanding too much from him and just simply letting him drift on the couch next to him. Frumpkin jumped up onto his lap, an over-sized ball of orange fur purring loudly and Caleb idly started to pet him, humming an acknowledgment at Nott’s disdain for something Oskar did in the show. Frumpkin started kneading Caleb’s stomach and Caleb’s head lolled onto his shoulder, consciousness waning as the exhaustion of the day started to overtake him.</p><p>Gently, Nott picked up Frumpkin and draped him over Caleb’s neck, and started herding the human towards his room. Caleb followed sleepily, smiling fondly down at the goblin.</p><p>“Good night, Caleb!”</p><p>“<em>Gute Nacht, Liebling.” </em></p><p>Healing isn’t linear, but as Caleb curled up on top of his sheet, wrapping around his purring cat, today felt like healing in the best sort of way.</p>
<hr/><p>Caleb was having a good day. He didn’t have classes today, so he wasn’t too stressed out, and the looming event of “Movie Night” that Jester was buzzing about felt less and less like a death sentence the closer it approached. It was on Friday, three days from now. The steady stream of customers had died down a little while ago (twenty-eight minutes and six seconds ago) so Caleb had time to wash the dishes and wipe down the counters. He was standing at the register with Beau, half-listening to her ramble about her definitely-not-a-crush on Yasha for the millionth time that week, and drinking more of Caduceus’s lavender and orange tea blend. It was a really, really good tea blend. </p><p>A pleasant chime sounded throughout the shop, indicating a customer was entering and Caleb plastered on his customer service smile but it faltered when Beau made a small noise that he had only heard her make around one person that she definitely <em>didn’t </em>have a crush on. “ <em> Boots, </em>” she said stupidly and Caleb turned to look at her, checking her face for signs of a stroke. Beau pushed uselessly at Caleb's shoulder so he shrugged and turned away.</p><p>Caleb looked up, up, <em> up </em>into the smiling face of Yasha Nydoorin. She would’ve been terrifying if Caleb didn’t know her. If someone looked up the term “gentle giant”, Yasha’s picture would be there, smiling shyly up at the reader. That is, of course, until someone threatens those she considers her family. Yasha was wearing a leather jacket and black skinny jeans with knee-high boots over them. Beau looked like she was going to pass out. Caleb chuckled and that seemed to snap Beau out of her boot-induced stupor, and she punched Caleb in the shoulder. Rubbing the joint and cursing under his breath in Zemnian, Caleb moved forward towards the cash register while Beau moved towards the bar. </p><p>It was then that Caleb noticed Yasha was with someone he’d never met before. It was incredible that he didn't see her companion first, considering how <em>bright </em>he was. He was a lavender tiefling, and <em>heavily decorated </em>is the best descriptor that Caleb could think of at the moment. He felt sort of like Beau, momentarily stunned in the face of the stranger’s color and vivacity. He was probably shorter than Caleb, by a couple of inches, but he made up for it with several inch heeled thigh-high boots that may have looked ridiculous on someone else, but the tiefling made them look <em>good. </em>His horns were decked out in gold and silver jewelry, as were his finely pointed ears. He was wearing ostentatiously colored clothes; skin-tight leggings and a deep V-neck cream-colored shirt with a bright duster that was every color under the rainbow. His face was done up artfully in makeup and Caleb found it very hard and also very easy to look away from the man and down at his bandaged hands and bitten nails.</p><p>“I’m just saying, Yasha my dear, that accents are literally the sexiest fucking thing on this-” the man’s tirade was cut off by a sharp elbow in his side from Yasha, who smiled at Caleb.</p><p>“<em>Hallo</em>, welcome to the <em> Tea-stament of Faith, </em>” the tiefling made a small choking noise that sounded like a cat drowning, “what can I get for you today?” Yasha’s companion opened his mouth, but Yasha stopped him by placing a large hand over his mouth.</p><p>“Hello, Caleb. This is Mollymauk Tealeaf. Please ignore everything he says. We’ll take two large coffees please, with room for cream and sugar.”</p><p>Caleb blinked dumbly at the pair in front of him for a few seconds before shaking himself out of his daze. Around the same time as he did that, Molly licked a wet stripe across Yasha’s palm, who yanked her hand back, wiping it on her jeans with a muttered, “<em> gross Molly</em>! <em> ” </em> Molly winked at Caleb, who flushed pink and stuttered, “Um, <em> ja </em>okay…? Your total is 3 silvers.” After a brief shoving match, Molly handed over the money while Yasha moved down the line to wait for the coffee to be made. Beau beamed at the girl and narrowed her eyes at the tiefling as he approached.</p><p>Molly grabbed at Yasha’s jacket desperately, “Why the <em> fuck </em> didn’t you stop me sooner?” he hissed as quietly as he could, panicking while trying very hard to look like he <em>didn’t </em>care. Yasha chuckled at her friend fondly. </p><p>“You always manage to do such a good job of making a fool of yourself, no matter when I decide to step in, Molly,” Yasha smiled down at Molly’s blushing face and ruffled the purple hair between his horns before turning to Beau. “How long has Caleb been working here?” Beau grinned at Yasha and handed her a coffee.</p><p>“A couple of weeks now, it’s been really nice having someone not totally lame to work with.”</p><p>Yasha raised an eyebrow at that, “Is Caduceus, ah, ‘totally lame’, then?” </p><p>Beau blushed, “No- <em> no </em>fuck- you know what I mean Yash!” Yasha laughed at her friend before turning to adorn her coffee with sugar. Molly waggled his eyebrows at Beau.</p><p>“Very smooth, Unpleasant One, really had her on tenterhooks there.”</p><p>“I will spit in your fucking coffee, Tealeaf.”</p><p>“You love me too much to do that!”</p><p>“<em> Do not fuckin’ test me!” </em></p><p>Caleb walked over as Beau pointed a knife at Molly, hissing threats at the laughing lavender tiefling. He raised one ginger eyebrow at both of them. “<em> Kleinkinder beruhigt euch, </em> or I will tell Caduceus you’ve been sword fighting in his establishment again. <em> Again, </em> Beauregard.” Molly made another strangled cat noise and Caleb frowned at him. Maybe the tiefling was feeling ill? He’d have to see if Yasha needed to get him some of Cad’s Immune Boon tea.</p><p>Beau gasped, dropping the knife back into the utility sink, “You betraying bastard!” Caleb laughed and swatted at her with a tea towel before heading into the back room. He’d gotten better with human interaction over the three weeks he’d been working at the <em> Tea-stament, </em> but something about the lavender tiefling with Yasha rattled him. He hoped he hadn’t seemed like he was swallowing his own tongue at the man. Mollymauk, that’s what Yasha had said his name was. Breathing deeply, Caleb cast around for something to do in the back, considering that he didn’t really need to be back there. Finding nothing forthcoming, Caleb sighed, his work ethic commanding him back out.</p><p>The sight that greeted him made him laugh, bandaged hand flying up to cover his mouth. Beau was leaning across the counter to put Mollymauk in a headlock, tangling the delicate gold and silver jewelry dangling from his curled horns. Yasha was fluttering around the two of them, trying to deescalate the situation, obviously before Caleb came back and noticed. All three froze at the sound of Caleb’s laugh, three pairs of guilty eyes meeting Caleb’s. “Yasha,” Caleb said, voice light and feigning disapproval, “I expected better from <em>you. </em> I did not expect anything from these two <em> Kleinkinder, </em> really, but I expected better from you.” Yasha smiled at the teasing and Molly made, yet again, another strangled sound but Caleb chalked this up to the fact that Beau had yet to release the tiefling. “Beauregard, <em> bitte </em> release your, ah, <em> Geisel? Scheiße…  </em> Hostage. Your <em>hostage. </em>He is still a customer.” Caleb tried not to flush at his momentary loss of Common. Everything about Mollymauk seemed carefully handcrafted to fluster him, but he was trying his best to not let it show.</p><p>Beau rolled her eyes and let go of Molly, standing back upright. “Let the jury know that he fuckin’ deserved that, though!” Caleb raised an eyebrow at his friend.</p><p>“The jury has, ah, noted the defendant’s evidence. Could the defendant <em> bitte, </em> um, go back to her job?” Beau stuck her tongue out at Caleb before turning back to the utility sink to finish doing dishes. “ <em> Danke, </em> Beauregard. Is there anything else I can do for you, <em> Herr </em> Tealeaf…?” Mollymauk leaned over the countertop and grinned at Caleb, “<em>Well</em>, now that you mention it darling-” Yasha covered the tiefling’s mouth with her hand again.</p><p>“We’re okay, thank you, Caleb.” Caleb blinked at Yasha again before smiling, realizing this was just their relationship. He nodded his head and turned back to his work. Yasha and Molly wandered off to find seats and drink their coffee. Beau tried not to look over at their table wistfully after she finished doing dishes and mindlessly wiped down the tables. Caleb smiled into the teas he was weighing out and bagging up.</p>
<hr/><p>“I don’t see the problem, Mollymauk.”</p><p>“You said, ‘let’s go to Cad’s for tea, Nott’s friend is working there’!”</p><p>“Yes, those were my exact words.”</p><p>“You didn’t say he was a fucking <em> ginger Zemnian god, </em> Yash!”</p><p>“You can’t, Molly, I’m sorry. I should have been clearer.”</p><p>Molly blinked uncomprehendingly at his friend, “I can’t- <em> what?” </em></p><p>“He’s not- Caleb is- you can’t hook up with him, Molly. Caleb is- different. He’s… Caleb is fragile. You can’t.” Yasha shrugged helplessly as words failed her. Molly sat back in his chair, tail swishing back and forth irritably. He knew that Yasha meant well, and was only trying to protect Caleb, but <em>come on</em>! He purposefully ignored the twisting feeling in his gut at the implication Yasha was throwing at him. That was something to be compartmentalized and never thought about again- later.</p><p>“You make me sound like some kind of <em> man-eater, </em> darling.” Yasha raised her eyebrows at the tiefling. “Oh, <em> all right. </em> I’ll keep the flirting and innuendos to myself, okay? I can do <em> ‘friends’, </em> we’ll be <em> best friends, </em> all right?” Yasha let out a relieved breath and leaned forward to squeeze Molly’s hand.</p><p>“Thank you, Molly. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”</p><p>Molly smiled genuinely at Yasha for a brief second before it was replaced with his usual over-the-top affair, “<em> None </em> taken, darling, but this means that you’re going to have to find me someone I <em> can </em> flirt with or I will positively <em> die </em>from neglect!” Yasha rolled her eyes at her friend.</p><p>Beau came over and glanced at where Molly and Yasha’s hands were joined. A slight crease appeared between her eyebrows and Yasha tried to pull her hand away from Molly’s but the tiefling clamped down, baring his teeth at Beau. “I was going to ask if you two needed anything else, but now I’m going to ask what’s going on.” The flat way Beau stated it did not make the sentence a question. Yasha opened her mouth, but she really didn’t know how to answer and she just floundered. Molly, who never seemed to have a lack of words, even when the rest of the world begged him to shut up, <em> please dear gods Mollymauk Tealeaf shut the hell up.  </em></p><p>“We’re professing our undying love for each other, Unpleasant One. We are running away together and joining a traveling carnival together. I will tell fortunes and Yasha will be my bodyguard.” Beau stared unblinkingly at the pair in front of her for several long seconds, eyes flicking between Yasha’s deepening blush, to Molly’s unshrinking grin, and their interlocked hands, which Yasha was desperately trying to rip out of. Caleb came up next to Beau, draping his arm across her stiff shoulders.</p><p>“That is very sweet. How are you taking the rejection, <em> Herr </em> Mollymauk?” Beau burst out laughing, bending over at the waist and clutching her stomach. Caleb winked at a blushing Molly before turning to wipe down a nearby table. Molly opened his mouth before catching Yasha’s eye and sighing imperceptibly. <em> Right. </em> He could do this. He could <em>totally </em>do this. Yasha gave his hand a comforting squeeze.</p><p>“I’m devastated. <em> Heartbroken</em>. I simply don’t know how I’ll manage to go on, broken man that I am from this absolute blow-”</p><p>“-to your ego?” Beau arched an eyebrow and Molly faked a lunge at her, startling a laugh out of both Caleb and Yasha. “You’re both going to Jester’s Movie Night, yeah?” Beau asked, trying to appear casual and failing miserably. A faint blush appeared on Yasha’s cheeks and she managed to free herself from Molly’s grip. She picked at a napkin idly and nodded her head, not quite meeting Beau's eyes. Molly grinned, shark-like, at Beau.</p><p>“Oh, we wouldn’t miss it for the <em>world</em>, darling. Not that Jester dear made it seem like it was optional. I believe there was the application of force threatened.” Beau chuckled.</p><p>“That sounds like Jester.”</p><p>Caleb wandered back behind the register, having nothing more to do. He pulled out a Dunamancy textbook and began to read it idly, half-listening to Beau, Yasha, and Molly enthusiastically plan which movies they were bringing. Jester had decided that it would be a good idea to implement a “fun-datory” movie requirement for everyone to bring their own contribution. Nott had decided to bring the first movie in the <em> Tusk Love </em>series of movies that had been released following the popularity of the TV show (“As a <em> joke! </em> Not because I <em> like </em>the show!”). Caleb had yet to decide on any movie that he thought his friends would enjoy and the anxiety was eating him alive. He wished that was an exaggeration. </p><p>As Caleb listened to his friends bicker, he smiled into his textbook. Caleb was having a good day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chamomile and Lemon Balm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>If you're reading this, you're beautiful and I love you. Warnings for this chapter: Panic Attacks, Disassociation, and too many references to how much time has passed. If reading any of these bothers you, then please don’t, no worries! I’ll see you in the next chapter, and if I don’t then we were but two ships passing in the night. My ship was loaded with illegal shrimp cargo and yours was loaded with thousands of pounds of bullets. What were you even doing with all those bullets anyway? What was I doing with all that shrimp? I’ll never tell.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not every day was a good day. Caleb was standing at the far end of the bar of the <em> Tea-stament of Faith, </em> wiping down a mug idly, when his fingers went numb. The mug slipped and fell to the floor with a deafening crash as icy spears of an unknowable and unnamed dread pierced through him. His lungs seized, and the breath froze in Caleb’s lungs and it felt like shards of glass to inhale and exhale and so he didn’t breathe for a length of time that he didn’t have the ability to track until his vision blackened at the edges. He was dimly aware of Beau’s voice, gruff and concerned, but he couldn’t make the words out. Caleb smiled blankly at her and nodded his head, hoping that she was asking a yes or no question and that the right answer was yes. He dug his nails into the palms of his hands but his fingernails were so bitten that it was ineffective.  He tried to count backward from fifteen but the numbers got lost behind the roaring of blood in his ears. The tiny, evil voice in the back of his brain grew claws and teeth and dug in, scrabbling and tearing until the corners of Caleb’s brain felt like it was bleeding.</p><p>Caleb walked numbly into the back room of the <em> Tea-stament, </em> placed his back against the wall, and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He knew Beau had called his name several times but it felt like he heard it through thick molasses, and he couldn’t make his jaw work or push an answer past his throat fast enough to respond, so he didn’t. The logical half of his brain was screaming at him that Beau would know something was wrong with him but the evil voice in his head told him that he <em>was </em>wrong and Beau already knew it. He bit the palm of his hand until his teeth tore through his flesh and he could taste the tang of copper on his tongue. He couldn’t feel any pain, but he knew that it should have hurt. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks and his breathing suddenly was coming too fast, rushing in and out in ragged breaths that echoed like thunder in the small break room of the Tea-stament but Caleb couldn’t really hear it over the chanting of “ <em> monster, monster, monster </em> ” in his head. A scream lodged itself painfully in his chest with nowhere to go. The world in front of Caleb wobbled and distorted itself as if he were looking through a fisheye lens, the little break table became a twisted figure, a Lovecraftian horror that mocked and taunted him with the words, “ <em> monster, monster, monster </em>”.  Not every day was a good day, and today was not a good day.</p><p>Caleb was sitting in the corner of the back room of the <em> Tea-stament of Faith</em>, biting into the palm of his hand so hard it bled, trying to stifle the sobs wracking his body when Caduceus softly opened the door, carefully walking into the room, but Caleb didn’t notice him. He couldn’t see past the warped table in front of him and he couldn’t hear past the screaming in his head. Caduceus gingerly kneeled down in front of Caleb, talking softly, not caring that Caleb couldn’t really hear what the firbolg was saying. The words didn’t matter. His tone was what mattered; soft and kind, assuring. Caduceus didn’t know how long he spent, kneeling in front of Caleb and talking to him quietly, and Caduceus knew that if Caleb was in the right state he would have been able to tell him, down to the second. Slowly, the firbolg noticed with relief that Caleb’s breathing started to even out from the short, choppy breaths he had been taking and the tears on his face dried. Gradually, Caleb’s eyes came back into focus, shifting from the break table to Caduceus’s face. Caduceus reached his hands out, unhurriedly so Caleb could tell him <em>no </em>if he wanted to (Caleb didn’t) until he could hold the human’s hands in his own. The entire time, Caduceus kept talking softly to Caleb, not even really sure what he was saying anymore, except that it was calming and affirming. Eventually, Caleb had recovered enough that he could speak and respond to Caduceus.</p><p>“Are you better now, Mister Caleb?” Caleb was red-faced in shame and he couldn’t meet the firbolg’s eyes. “I am asking because I care, Mister Caleb, about you and your health. Whether that is your physical or mental health. I do not care if you appear weak in front of me. I am certain there will be times in our friendship that I will appear weak in front of you, and I know you will not judge me for it. Why would I not apply the same kindness to you, Mister Caleb?” Caleb took a deep, shuddering breath. He nodded. Caduceus smiled slightly. “Would you allow me to treat your hand?” Another nod. “Thank you.”</p><p>Caduceus didn’t speak anymore as he turned and retrieved a first aid kit and busied himself with cleaning and bandaging Caleb’s hand. Caleb floated between somewhere and nowhere. He watched outside of his body as Caduceus warned him that the alcohol was going to sting, but he didn’t <em>feel </em>it burn. He didn’t even flinch. Cad placed a cotton pad on the wound and wrapped his palm in gauze tightly, then asked Caleb to make a fist. Dumbly, Caleb cooperated, but it felt disjointed as if someone else was performing the task. Caduceus nodded, satisfied with the job, and then stood up, gently taking Caleb under the arm and lifting him as if he weighed no more than a child. Considering how much taller the firbolg was than Caleb, it might not have been that much of an exaggeration. Caleb went with Caduceus limply. Cad pulled out a chair at the break table and gingerly set Caleb down. “I was going to make some tea, would you like some?” Caleb nodded his head dully. “Excellent, Mister Caleb. How does chamomile and lemon balm sound?” Caleb stared into the grain of the table without seeing it, but Caduceus wasn’t actually looking for any response from the man. He was more talking to fill the void for Caleb, and leave less room for him to sink somewhere into. Caleb was grateful but unable to tell the firbolg so. </p><p>“Miss Beauregard is watching the counter for me, so we can take as much time as we need. It’s been rather slow today, as we both know, so she should be fine. However, I’m certain she could handle the breakfast rush on a Saturday by herself, running off of nothing but pure determination and spite,” Caduceus chuckled to himself fondly as he set an electric teakettle out to boil water, pulling out two mugs and a squeeze owlbear of honey and putting them on the break table. Caleb stared at the glass pane on the side of the teakettle blankly, watching the water inside come to a rolling boil. Caduceus put two tea bags of chamomile and lemon balm tea into the mugs, pouring the boiling water over the top. The scent of lemons, with a hint of mint, and sweet, herbaceous apples filled the little breakroom. Caleb felt every muscle in his body relax. He blinked and suddenly he was back in his body. Caduceus, who was studying Caleb’s face, seemed to notice this change, smiled softly. “You should wait a few minutes until it cools, Mister Caleb. It is still quite hot.” Caleb met Caduceus’s pink stare and found nothing but kind understanding and nodded his head, this time without any of the cottony unfeeling that he had before. Caduceus’s smile grew slightly. </p><p>A few minutes later (eight minutes and two seconds) the tea was at perfect drinking temperature. Caduceus <em>must </em>be a wizard. The slight bite of the lemon balm and the calming chamomile together pulled Caleb the rest of the way out of the fog he had been simmering in, in the wake of his panic. Caleb smiled a tiny smile into his mug, holding it like a lifeline. Caduceus hummed a nonsense song under his breath, continuing to fill the silence without the pressure of words, while he did some “magic filing and paperwork shit, man, I dunno” (Beauregard’s words). The firbolg gave Caleb as much time as he needed in the quiet of the break room to sit and drink his tea, and exist, and recover, and breathe. So Caleb did. He sat. He drank his tea, all of it, even the very last few sips that were sickly sweet with too much honey. He existed, even if it was an acute kind of agony to simply exist. He recovered. Caleb breathed, and eventually, he breathed normally. </p><p>“Thank you…” Caleb winced at how wrecked his voice sounded, but Cad didn’t even blink, he just smiled gently at Caleb. </p><p>“Of course, Mister Caleb. Now, I think it would be best if you went home and got some rest, all right?” Caleb opened his mouth to argue, but the firbolg’s eyes hardened slightly, and Caleb closed his mouth, “Would you like to call Nott and walk home with her?” Caleb thought for a moment (nineteen seconds) before nodding his head guiltily. “I think she would like it if you called her, as well. You can wait in here, and drink some more tea, or wait with Miss Beauregard. It’s entirely your choice, Mister Caleb.” <em> Your choice. </em> Caleb flinched at those words. It had never, really, been <em>his </em>choice before. But it was <em>now. </em> Caleb could <em>choose, </em> and Caduceus would not care. Beau, working just outside the door, would not care. Nothing would happen to Caleb if he <em>chose.  </em></p><p>Giving the confused firbolg a watery smile, Caleb murmured, “I will wait for Nott with Beau, <em> Herr </em> Clay if that is all right.”</p><p>Caduceus smiled brightly, “That will be perfectly alright, Mister Caleb. That will be perfectly all right.”</p><p>Beau’s eyes flicked up to Caleb quickly before shifting back down to the dishes she was washing. Caleb sat down at a stool catty-corner to the girl, twisting his fingers together silently. “Caddy is sending you home, right?” The question came out more like an interrogative demand, but it was a comfort to Caleb. The more aggressive Beau got, the more the girl cared. It was impressive to see her around Yasha. She was practically belligerent. Caleb silently nodded his head. “You called Nott, right?” Caleb gave Beau a small smile and nodded his head again. “Fucking. I mean- shit. Good. She’ll help- take care of you. Not that you need it- fuck.” Beau spun away from Caleb, blushing slightly, and started cleaning the dishes with an attack-like vigor as if they offended her personally. They were quiet for a while (three minutes and four seconds). “It’s just- we care. We all do- Cad, Nott. Me, I guess.” Beau was looking firmly at the mug in her hand, tips of her ears scarlet. Caleb reached out the hand Caduceus hadn’t recently bandaged and softly punched the girl on the shoulder.</p><p>“I know, Beau. And <em>danke. </em> ” Beau nodded once, jerkily, before going back to banishing any germs on the dishware with a vehemence of an angry god. Caleb drank a to-go cup of chamomile and lemon balm tea. Caduceus straightened bookshelves. The firbolg had put on soft instrumental music through the speakers and Caleb let it wash over him. It felt as if it was filtering through every one of his cells, quiet and pulsing and calm. Beau started talking to Caduceus about something small and trivial and easy to ignore. Her gruff voice wasn’t as harsh as it normally was, and Caleb knew that it was for his benefit. The small, evil, un-banishable voice in the back of Caleb’s brain that told Caleb he was a <em> monster </em>and that he didn’t <em>deserve </em>friends or their <em>kindness </em>was dull and the music flowing through the store drowned it out. Caleb took another sip of chamomile and lemon balm tea. Not every day was a good day, but Caleb had good people that helped him, and that was something. </p>
<hr/><p>Nott showed up a little bit (eleven minutes and fourteen seconds) later, huffing and out of breath. She bent down at the waist and placed her hands on her knees, the hood of her dress falling over her head and obscuring her face completely. “Caleb! I came! As fast! As I! Could!” She puffed out in between deep gasps of air. Beau leaned over the counter, a mild look of concern on her face. Caleb stood and hovered over the little goblin girl, hands not quite touching her back before jolting away as she stood up straight suddenly. Over-large eyes looked up into Caleb’s blue worriedly, her long fingers wrapping carefully around Caleb’s newly bandaged hand. “Are you all right, Caleb?” Caleb winced slightly, curling in on himself at Nott’s penetrating look. </p><p>“Uh… <em> nein, </em> Nott, I do not think so. But I am better than I was before,” Caleb gave Nott’s hand a gentle squeeze. Nott squeezed back, almost imperceptibly, loathe to hurt Caleb before pulling out of his grasp and holding onto the sleeve of his ratty coat. Nott turned and levied a harsh stare at Beau and Caduceus, who had drifted out from the back room at the sound of the goblin entering the store, “I’m taking Caleb home now! We’re going to watch <em> Tusk Love </em>because it’s a really bad show and not because it’s good or because I like it!” Caduceus blinked down at Nott and Beau smirked, leaning her hip against the counter. Nott blushed a faint green. “I mean it!” Caleb brushed an undamaged hand through Nott’s tangled mess of black hair.</p><p>“That is fine, <em> Schatz, </em> we can watch <em> Tusk Love. </em> Because it is terrible and not good.”  Nott smiled up at Caleb, and everyone decided to ignore how thin the smile was, how worried it was. Nott was always worried about Caleb, and it cut invisible lines deep into his soul. What was <em>left </em>of his soul, the evil and sick voice hissed in the back of Caleb’s brain. Caleb didn’t want to be broken, didn’t want to need to be scraped together and taped up every week, he didn’t want to need to be indebted to everyone around him. He wished he wasn’t a starving mouth, an open maw begging for scraps of attention and affirmation, but he <em>was </em>and it would <em>kill </em>him if he wasn’t already dead. Caleb was a walking corpse of a sponge, soaking up kindness he didn’t deserve, racking up an endless tab at a bar he could never afford to pay off and one day those around him would wake up and see the decaying body in front of them and bury it for good.</p><p>“-leb. <em> Caleb! </em> ” Nott’s high-pitched, slightly panicked voice pulled Caleb out of the dark headspace he had unknowingly sunk into, and his knees collapsed. Luckily, Caduceus seemed to sense this was coming and he was already rushing forward to collect him with gentle arms and shushing noises, depositing him on the floor with his back to the wall next to the front door and his head between his knees. Beau vaulted over the counter and swung the “Open” sign to “Closed” and then backed away quickly, giving Caleb several feet of blessed, blessed space. Nott stood next to Cad, wringing her hands and blinking away tears from her yellow eyes. “-on’t know what happened,” she was whispering to the firbolg desperately, “he seemed okay then he just- <em> wasn’t!” </em></p><p>Caduceus was holding Caleb’s hands gently but with enough force that the human didn’t shove them in his mouth again. The firbolg seemed to know, without Caleb saying anything, that it was something the human did when panicking. “It’s alright, Miss Nott, these things can happen sometimes. He probably thought about something that led to another unpleasant thought that spiraled downwards. It’s completely fine, we’re all here to help him, right Caleb?”</p><p>“<em>Nein,</em> <em>nein,</em> <em>ich bin wie tot </em>-”</p><p>“Now, Mister Caleb, none of us speak Zemnian, which is okay, but I don’t think you’re saying self-affirming things, and that isn’t good for you right now. Can you breathe with me?” Caleb’s breaths were not as even or as measured as Caduceus’ but he was able to follow along with the firbolg, the human’s head firmly planted between his knees, for several long minutes. Caleb was not able to keep track of the minutes. Nott kept speaking quietly (as quietly as Nott was genetically able to) and Beau watched anxiously from a stool by the register, desperate to look unaffected. She had been drying the same mug for the entire time that Caleb had been on the floor. Caleb’s breaths evened out, following Cad’s breathing, until he was able to pick his head up and place it on his knees, looking at his friends in front of them through bleary eyes. Caduceus and Nott shared a relieved smile and Beau put the very dry mug down. </p><p>“<em> Es tut mir Leid. </em>I am sorry,” Caleb looked away from the understanding eyes of his friends. Nott slowly reached her hand out and took a gentle hold of Caleb’s coat sleeve, smiling softly at him.</p><p>“It’s okay, Cay. You don’t have to be okay. It’s okay to not be okay.”</p><p>“Gods knows none of the rest of us are fuckin’ okay,” Beau’s gruff voice sounded from over Caduceus’s shoulder. She wasn’t looking at anyone, picking at an invisible bit of dust on her apron, the tips of her ears red. “You don’t have to- be okay. We <em>get it. </em> No prices. You don’t owe us because we- we fucking <em> care. </em>” Beau’s eyes flicked up to Caleb’s, and the harshness in them softened. “I’m not a fucking therapist, Cay, that’s Cad’s job, but I care, dude. Don’t make me keep saying it, I’m gonna get a fuckin’ rash.” The look of absolute miserable embarrassment on the girl’s face startled a genuine laugh out of Caleb, causing Nott and Caduceus to conceal flinches of surprise. Nott turned large, yellow eyes on Caleb cautiously.</p><p>“How about I make some more tea, and then you and Nott can go home and watch some <em> Tusk Love? </em>Because it’s really bad and not good?”</p><p>“<em>Ja,</em> <em>Herr</em> Clay, I think some tea would- would be nice,” Caleb gave his friends a cautious smile. It was hard for Caleb to accept more help, but Beau was right. He had friends, and they cared. None of them were okay, but maybe if they were all not okay together, it would eventually all cancel out. Eventually. Silently, they all sat around the bar as Caduceus made everyone mugfuls of chamomile and lemon balm tea. The citrus and herbal scent filled the tea and bookstore, and Caleb was not okay, and Nott was not okay, and Beau was not okay, and Caduceus was not okay. But they were all not okay together, and they all <em>cared. </em></p><p>For sixteen minutes and fifty-four seconds, the four friends sat around the bar of the <em> Tea-stament of Faith </em>and drank chamomile and lemon balm tea, and for various reasons they were not okay, but they were not okay together. And that was okay. And they cared.</p>
<hr/><p>Frumpkin wound around Caleb’s legs the second he and Nott arrived at their little apartment. Mindlessly, he bent down and picked up the tabby cat and draped him across his shoulders, petting him. Nott had already made lunch (tuna sandwiches and with bags of chips for each of them) and the plates were set in the fridge, covered in plastic wrap. Nott set Caleb down at the kitchen table, placing the to-go cups of iced chamomile and lemon balm tea Caduceus had pushed into her hands before they had left the <em> Tea-stament </em>in front of the ginger before grabbing their lunches out of the fridge and unwrapping them. The thought of eating made Caleb’s stomach roil, but he knew how upset Nott would be if he refused. Frumpkin’s head perked up as the smell of fish floated through the little apartment and his purring picked up.</p><p>Nott filled the silence with mindless chatter about her day of work. She had already been off for the rest of the day when Caleb had texted her, which was a weight of guilt lifted from his shoulders. He took a bite of sandwich and Nott beamed at him. The tuna really was very good. Nott had started to excel at simple meals. Caduceus was very good at complex cooking, and Caleb had overheard late-night phone calls between the two of them, with Nott desperately asking for advice on some dish or food she had no culinary knowledge of. Caleb and Nott had only recently met Caduceus, about two months ago, but Nott’s cooking had grown by leaps and bounds since then. Nott rarely liked asking for help, much like Caleb, but she made an exception when it came to getting Caleb to eat more. Caduceus was constantly offering to cook for the rest of his friends, even as his ribs showed through his fur when he shifted the right way as he worked in his shop. Beau kept power bars in the pockets of her apron, even though she never ate power bars. Caleb took another bite of his sandwich before offering a nibble to Frumpkin. </p><p>“Jester wants to know if she can come over, Cay,” Nott’s hesitant voice brought Caleb out of his thoughts, “but she doesn’t have to, it would be totally okay if she doesn’t.” Caleb searched Nott’s face and found nothing but open honesty. There was no pressure there. Caleb chewed on his mouthful of tuna (for one minute and twelve seconds). It was the offer of a <em> choice, </em> and the fact that he <em>could </em>say no that swayed Caleb. He nodded and swallowed.</p><p>“Jester can come over. I am sure she would want to watch <em> Tusk Love. </em>Although I believe that is because she likes the show. Not because she believes it is bad.” Nott narrowed her eyes.</p><p>“She is ridiculous and has no taste!” The goblin hissed before shoving her mouth full of sandwich. Caleb laughed as Nott pulled out her phone (which was remarkably more high-tech than Caleb’s), Caleb was assuming, to text Jester. Caleb stroked Frumpkin and didn’t finish his sandwich, but ate the rest of his salt-and-vinegar chips. Frumpkin ate the rest of the tuna. Nott talked about how Fjord and Yasha had an arm-wrestling match during their downtime at work that day, and how Fjord had lost spectacularly, and how no one was surprised. Nott said that Yasha tried to casually ask about Beau, but she was also drinking a soda at the time, and missed her mouth with the straw and almost poked herself in the eye. Caleb let the talk about his friends wash over him like a balm gratefully, and Nott never asked for Caleb to participate in the one-sided conversation. </p><p>Later (eighteen minutes and five seconds) Caleb and Nott sat on the couch while they waited for Jester to arrive. Caleb wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and sat crisscross to allow Frumpkin a more comfortable spot to lay in. Nott went up to answer the door when they heard a soft, yet persistent knocking. Caleb kept looking down at Frumpkin but heard the soft voices of Nott and Jester. Jester’s voice was cheery but thin. It was obvious she was concerned, but trying very hard for Nott and Caleb’s sake to hide it. Caleb idly wondered if Jester realized she didn’t need to hide how much she worried. She was allowed to worry. She didn’t always need to be happy. Caleb would have told her this if words didn’t feel like thick taffy stuck in the back of his throat. Instead of saying anything, Caleb said nothing and continued to pet his cat.</p><p>Jester came into the living room and sat down next to, but not too close to, Caleb. She pulled an absolutely gigantic pink, fluffy blanket out of her backpack and started cocooning herself inside of it. Nott, who had been walking into the living room behind the tiefling, stopped short and stared at her friend with thinly veiled horror. “How did you even fit that in there? Did you enchant your backpack to fit that? Did you force Pumat to make that fit? Is that even <em>legal? </em> ” Jester giggled at Nott’s panic at the sheer size of her blanket and wiggled exaggeratedly. It barely registered through the layers of fluffy fleece. Caleb chuckled as Frumpkin removed himself from his lap to investigate what would definitely be a warmer lap to lay in. It took Jester longer than it should have (nineteen seconds) to remove her hand from her blanket-burrito to reach out and pet Frumpkin. Nott, shaking her head, turned the TV on and started playing <em> Tusk Love. </em>Jester squealed softly and leaned forward with wide, purple eyes.</p><p>Caleb and Nott had known Jester for a little over a year now, and he would never stop being surprised at how perceptive the tiefling was. Or how deeply she cared about her friends, and how desperately she wanted to help them. It had hurt her, a lot, at the beginning of their friendship, when Caleb and Nott had shied away from Jester’s overflowing love and longing to support them as if it would burn the two of them. It took a long time for the three of them to figure out how to be <em>people </em>around each other, and even now it still wasn’t perfect but anyone who claimed to be perfect was selling something. Jester seemed to always know when to back off, unlike Beau, but Beau’s unwillingness to back off was because she cared so much and was unable to admit it to herself nonetheless the people she loved. Caduceus seemed to be like Jester, always knowing when to push and when to not, but his caring was more… <em> broken, </em> for some reason. Like an overflowing faucet. Caleb didn’t know why. He hadn’t known Caduceus as long. </p><p>All of the people in his and Nott’s life were broken and hurting in some way or another, Caleb mused, not really giving <em> Tusk Love </em>the rapt attention that Jester and Nott were. Caleb was more broken than the others, but the only one who knew why was Nott. Caleb didn’t know if he’d be able to tell any of his friends <em>why </em>he was so broken. He hoped… one day…</p><p>“I think I’m probably going to cancel Movie Night probably,” Jester said softly. She said it in such a casual way that Caleb knew it was anything but. It was the lack of italics. Nott’s eyes were ripped from Oskar’s pectorals to Jester’s eyes, which were firmly trained on the TV screen, unseeing.</p><p>“Please don’t, Jester,” Caleb whispered into his hands. Jester turned to search Caleb’s face. She opened her mouth but closed it again. Then she opened it again. Then she closed it. “Today was… <em> Scheiße. </em> Actual, proper <em> Scheiße </em>and I cannot promise that tomorrow will not be worse. I cannot promise that it will be better. The only thing that I can promise is that it will be tomorrow, and that sounds like the shittiest motivational poster ever, <em> ja? </em> ” Jester gave Caleb a wet laugh, rubbing at one of her eyes. “But today was not shit because of anything you did or have done. Today was not shit because of anything that Nott, or Beau, or Caduceus, or anyone else did or has done. It was not shit because of the looming promise of Movie Night. It was shit because I am a broken- no <em>listen- </em> it was shit because I am a broken person, and my brain wants me to be broken. But <em> I </em> do not want to be broken, I think. So I will try and make tomorrow better. It might not be but I will try. That’s all I can promise. And all I can promise is I will <em>try </em>and come to Movie Night. I just don’t know what fucking movie I am bringing.” </p><p>Jester stared at Caleb through comically sized tears. Tieflings, Caleb thought, had an amazing ability to produce a large number of tears. She slowly opened her pink blanket-burrito and held her arms out for a hug. Caleb hugged Jester awkwardly. “Okay, Cayleb,” she said thickly, “but you have to figure out a movie to bring, or I will punch you. And you’re, like, super squishy and it’ll probably hurt a lot, probably.” Caleb laughed and pulled back. They went back to watching <em> Tusk Love. </em>Caleb tried not to notice how pleased Nott looked. The little goblin was shimmying slightly in her seat, but staring directly at the TV and not at the tiefling and human disengaging from the display of affection. Caleb knew Nott wanted him to come more out of his shell, to express himself more and she was always so pleased when he did.</p><p>The rest of the night was spent with Nott vehemently dissecting everything Oskar did in <em> Tusk Love, </em> and how it affected Guinevere. The couple was reconnecting on the Amber Road tearily, where they had first met. Nott pretended to be disgusted, but everyone in the room knew better. Jester wiped away more over-large tears. Caleb barely paid attention and pet Frumpkin some more. Not every day was a good day, but some bad days ended well. </p><p>“Here,” Beau shoved a lemon into Caleb’s hand as soon as he had come in for his shift at the <em> Tea-stament </em>on Thursday. The tips of her ears were bright red, which was a hallmark of the girl’s embarrassment, and she was more aggressive than usual. Caleb stared blankly at the fruit. Beau continued to forcefully push the lemon into Caleb’s hand (the one that was currently not bandaged), without looking at him, before spinning away and viciously wiping down the counter, with a vehemence not usually found on this mortal plane. “I uh- fuck. I talked to Yash and Molly. They. I dunno. They get bad sometimes too. Molly’s got, like, shit in his past but that’s his business and you should talk to him about it. If you want, I guess, he’s like way too much of an open book. Like, <em> gods, </em> dude, fucking <em> shut up </em>sometimes, you know? But he freaks out sometimes, too. Not that- fuck! Not that it’s <em>bad, </em> or anything. It’s totally cool, and shit, I just asked them what I could, I dunno, do to help, next time. I guess. Molly said he bites into lemons or limes, and shit, when he starts freaking out and Yash said she used to carry them around when they could get their hands on them. Something about shocking your system or some shit. I know Cad keeps the <em> Tea-stament </em>stocked with them, like, always. He said something about it being a crime against the gods to not have lemon in tea because he’s a fuckin’ weirdo. So you can like, keep one in your apron or something. If you want. I guess.” </p><p>Caleb looked up from the lemon in his hands to the blushing girl furiously wiping down the counter in front of him. “Beau… <em> danke, </em> I… Thank you. I will try that… Next time.”</p><p>“Yeah, cool. Cool, cool, cool. Let’s never speak of this again. I’m gonna start breaking out.”</p><p>Caleb laughed, putting the lemon in the pocket of the lavender and grey apron around his waist, “Duly noted, Beauregard.”</p><p>The beginning of the day passed rather slowly, as Thursday mornings tend to do, so Caleb and Beau passed the time by alternating organizing the bookshelves in the back of the store and goofing off. Caleb was trying to not work himself into a panic over the lack of movie ideas he had, and Beau was trying not to think too hard about an extended period of time in close quarters with Yasha, so naturally, the duo talked about only those two things for the entirety of the morning.</p><p>“Nott is already bringing the first <em> Tusk Love </em>movie, and we own the entire trilogy. I cannot bring the second movie, because that would make it seem like our household enjoys the franchise.”</p><p>“Your household <em>does </em>enjoy the franchise. Would it be weird to ask her to sit next to me, on Movie Night? It’d be weird, right? Or like, it wouldn’t be, right, because we’re friends and it’s a total friend move to ask a cool and normal buddy to sit next to you for a movie.”</p><p>“She will file a restraining order on you if you phrase it like that, Beauregard. I will file one on her behalf if you ask her that, in that manner, on Movie Night. I have interests, <em> ja? </em>I have movies I enjoy. Why, when asked to think of a single one and provide it in a social situation, is my brain suddenly filled with the buzzing of a thousand flies?”</p><p>“Caleb, your interests include reading smutty books, studying, and unbridled anxiety. Also, your cat. Oh! What about that cat and dog movie that made Jester sob like a small child the other month? God, this is so fucking <em> hard! </em> Like, we’re friends! We’re just friends! It should be totally normal for friends to hang out, in the company of other friends, but <em> closer </em>than those aforementioned friends!”</p><p>“Beauregard, the gods have a special place in their hells for liars, you realize this, <em> ja? </em> No one is believing your <em> Scheiße </em>about just being friends with Yasha. And do you mean <em> Milo and Otis? </em> With the little <em> Mops? </em>That movie also made you cry like a toddler if I am correct. Would you care to repeat that process in front of your giant woman warrior of love?”</p><p>“If you call her my giant woman warrior of love again, I will punch you so hard you will meet your ancestors, you squishy wizard.”</p><p>At the same time that Beau was threatening Caleb, wielding a long bread knife at the squishy wizard, who was dancing out of the way and laughing, the pleasant chime sounded throughout the <em> Tea-stament, </em> indicating that a customer arrived. Before either human could turn to see who had entered, a familiar lilting accent said, “Fear not, darlings, your merciful god has arrived!” Beau's eyes crossed so hard Caleb feared they would either get stuck that way and she would ruin any chance she had with her giant woman warrior of love, or she was having a brain aneurysm. Caleb turned his head to look over his shoulder at Mollymauk, loathe to give Beau his back when she was still wielding a weapon, and smiled at the exuberant tiefling. Considering the distressing noise that Beau was making, Yasha was not far behind</p><p>“Ah, <em> hallo, </em> Mister Mollymauk! <em> Hallo </em>Yasha,” Caleb went to the register while Beau went to the bar, “what can we get for you today?”</p><p>Yasha smiled down at Caleb while Molly made his customary strangled cat noise and, without looking at the lavender tiefling, Yasha biffed him on the back of the head. This had become the pair’s customary routine as they had stopped by the <em> Tea-stament </em>every day since their first visit two days ago. Caleb, at first, had wondered about Molly’s health, but eventually just chalked it up to the tiefling’s eccentricities. Mollymauk Tealeaf had many eccentricities, but Caleb didn’t find that he minded so much, the more he got to know the man. </p><p>Today, Molly was wearing a deep V-neck black dress shirt with gold embroidery and matching black dress pants. He’d thrown a zebra-patterned blazer casually over his shoulders. Somehow, the tiefling made all of the formal wear look so effortless. Caleb had no idea how he did it. Yasha was wearing her boots again and Beau looked ready to faint, <em> again. </em>The human had managed to refrain from muttering anything stupid under her breath, at least, Caleb noted proudly. </p><p>“I’ll take a very large coffee, please, Caleb. With room for cream and sugar, please.” Yasha turned to look at Molly, who seemed to have graduated from getting his mouth covered to being trusted to order his own drink. Scarlet eyes scanned the menu for half a second before snagging Caleb’s blue.</p><p>“What are you drinking, darling?” Yasha rolled her eyes, already deeply regretting her choice of not restraining Molly.</p><p>“Uh, chamomile and lemon balm tea?”</p><p>“That sounds divine, darling. Can I have that, the largest you can give me, but iced please, darling?” Caleb blinked for a second, before nodding.</p><p>“<em> Ja, </em> of course, Mister Mollymauk, we can do that,” Caleb smiled haltingly at Molly.</p><p>“<em> Excellent, </em> darling, thank you so much,” the tiefling beamed at Caleb before bouncing over to Beau to annoy her. Caleb looked rather dumbstruck, but he always felt like he’d been hit over the head after every conversation with Molly. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yasha smiled apologetically at her friend and paid for the drinks before joining Molly, in an attempt to mitigate the damage either Molly or Beau would do to each other. Caleb watched the three interact with a fond smile as he made Molly’s tea.</p><p>“So, have you figured out the ‘fun-datory’ movies you’re bringing to Movie Night tomorrow?” Molly asked Beau and Caleb, bouncing forward on the balls of his feet in an endearing way. Beau rolled her eyes.</p><p>“The original <em> Karate Kid, </em> duh,” Beau flicked a slightly damp towel at the tiefling when he stuck his tongue out at her. Yasha frowned slightly at Molly’s antics. Caleb chuckled.</p><p>“I think it’s a good choice, Molly. I like that movie.” Beau blushed and smiled shyly at Yasha before abruptly spinning around and wiping down the already clean counter. “What about you, Caleb?” Caleb made a small noise of despair. “Oh, no,” Yasha said quietly, looking at Caleb with concern.</p><p>“We’ve been brainstorming all morning,” Beau explained, “and I think Caleb’s just going to have to suffer Jester’s violence.”</p><p>“But he’s so squishy!” Yasha said, and Caleb made another distressed noise.</p><p>“Well, we can’t have that,” Molly intoned, feigning sage-like wisdom as he took his tea from Caleb and winked at the ginger, “we’re all going to have to help now. Give us a genre, general ballpark, love.” </p><p>“Uh…” Caleb’s ear tinted pink at the nickname, “literally anything…?”</p><p>“You are… adorably unhelpful, dear.” Molly reached across the bar and patted Caleb’s cheek before turning and raising an eyebrow at Beau.</p><p>“Eh,” the human shrugged a shoulder, “shitty romance, horror, anything but comedy- it gives him second-hand embarrassment like you wouldn’t believe.”</p><p>“And that’s why you’re Unpleasant One and not Unhelpful One!”</p><p>“I will <em> literally </em>poison your next order, Tealeaf.”</p><p>“You have such a gentle bedside manner, it’s a wonder you’re single.”</p><p>Yasha reached an arm out to catch Beau as she launched herself across the bar at the laughing tiefling, who had leaped out the way of her grabby hands. “Please don’t,” Yasha whispered, although no one was sure who she was pleading with.</p><p>Caleb smiled and started doing the dishes while his friends spitballed ideas for his movie contribution. Eventually, the three of them settled on the first Harry Potter movie, because of how ridiculously inaccurate it was. Molly suggested at Caleb could wear big circle lenses and a fake scar on his forehead to Jester’s (“It would really make her night, darling”) but when Beau rolled her eyes and said that Molly just wanted to see Caleb in glasses, the tiefling turned a slightly brighter purple and the idea was dropped.</p><p>After fifty-two minutes and twelve seconds of Yasha and Molly hanging out at the <em> Tea-stament, </em> they both had to head to work, but Caleb thanked them both for their help with his movie predicament on their way out. Molly smiled a genuine smile at the wizard, “Of course, darling. We’re all rather fond of our squishy wizard, and we’d like to keep you around for as long as possible, yeah?” Molly reached out and squeezed Caleb’s hand once before flouncing out the door in all his over-emphasized glory. Yasha smiled and waved as she left. Beau tried to wave, forgot she was doing dishes and managed to spray a thin layer of water everywhere.</p><p>Caleb watched a zebra-patterned back disappear around the corner, purple tail making excited figure eights in the air. Somehow, Caleb didn’t think that Molly was talking about Jester inciting violence on him for not bringing a movie to Movie Night. He smiled softly and went back to work, looking forward to his day off tomorrow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you. Would you guys rather I post all 15 chapters and then start posting the new chapters once a week on Mondays, or continue to post a chapter a week until we've caught up to what I have written?<br/>Credit for Mollumauk’s outfit <a href="https://prismantis.tumblr.com/post/182337569724/strike-a-pose-i-bet-they-coordinate-outfits">here</a> !<br/>Please tell me if I’ve made any errors, I appreciate any constructive and non-constructive criticism. It fuels me.<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chai and Baileys</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! Warnings for this chapter: More panic attacks and dissociation, alcohol consumption, slight drunkenness, and bad attempts at flirting from various party members. If reading any of these bothers you, please don’t, no worries! I’ll see you in the next chapter! If I don’t, then may our red string of fate always connect us. I use it to make a cup and saucer. You use it to make an Eiffel Tower. I am thoroughly impressed.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Caleb spent the first half of Friday not thinking about Movie Night. This was because he really </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to go and if he thought about going, or about the event at all, then a vague sense of dread started boiling in his stomach and filled his throat until he was paralyzed. So Caleb didn’t think about Movie Night. He didn’t have work at the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament of Faith </span>
  </em>
  <span>to distract him, although Caleb wished he was surrounded by gentle instrumental music, Beau’s obnoxious behavior, and the herbal scent of tea to distract him from his anxious thoughts about socializing- he didn't have any of that. So Caleb studied instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out his textbook on Dunamancy, which he managed to get second-hand from a kind and non-judgemental classmate, and started reviewing for an exam that wasn’t coming up for two weeks. His book was practically falling apart, half because it was old and half because of how much Caleb used it. It was littered with scraps of paper that he’d scribbled on and then stuck in errant pages, sticky notes he used to mark important sections, highlighted passages and almost all of the margins of every page had some note or sentence Caleb thought important enough to mark the book with. He didn’t need to be so diligent about schoolwork, Caleb was naturally very good at most subjects, but there was that evil and sick voice in the back of his head that told him if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>study he would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>punished. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was only when the world was very quiet around Caleb that the voice was hard to ignore and Caleb would fall into days-long study benders that consumed all his time, meals forgotten, and sleep deemed unimportant as if studying for just </span>
  <em>
    <span>one more hour </span>
  </em>
  <span>would prevent Caleb from receiving some unknown punishment. As if his life depended on it. It had, at one point. Old habits die hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb studied now, not to appease some clawing terror in the back of his brain, but because it was easy and comfortable to sink into the arcane study of potentiality and actuality instead of thinking about Movie Night. Nott had worked with Yasha and Fjord until two, and everyone was to show up to Jester’s at “four, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly </span>
  </em>
  <span>and bring PJ’s because it’s, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally a sleepover! </span>
  </em>
  <span>'' so Caleb had six hours to study before Nott would be home and they would have to get ready together. Nott had made Caleb lunch and put it in the fridge with several sticky note reminders hastily scribbled and stuck anywhere she thought he might have seen it. This included the fridge, the front door, Caleb’s door to his bedroom, the front of Caleb’s ancient laptop, and the front cover of Caleb’s Dunamancy book. Seeing the bright yellow reminders of Nott’s worry and care made Caleb smiled softly into his book as he petted Frumpkin idly. He wished he didn’t have to make the little goblin worry so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two hours and thirty-seven minutes later, Caleb’s throat was very dry. He looked up from his textbook and blinked as his vision swam slightly, making the lamp contort in ways that it shouldn’t, and Caleb realized that he was probably slightly dehydrated. Several voices in his head that sounded suspiciously like Nott, Beau, and Caduceus chided him about making sure he was drinking enough water. Caleb opened the fridge, chuckling at the hastily scribbled drawing of an angrily little goblin yelling at Caleb to ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>eat food!</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ stuck on the front, and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge when his phone went off. It was a text from Nott.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Schatz: don’t forget to eat! </b>
  <b>
    <em>youcanreplytothismessage</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb chuckled and pulled out the chicken and tomato sandwich Nott had made, grabbing a bag of salt and vinegar chips. He put his lunch on the kitchen table, along with his half-drunk bottle of water, and sent a picture to Nott. Frumpkin had draped himself behind the setup, showing off his stomach shamelessly. Caleb took a moment to pet the cat, smiling fondly down at Frumpkin. Frumpkin let Caleb get three pets in before releasing his claws and attaching himself to Caleb’s hand with a purr, kicking at the wizard’s wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Cay-Cay: [sent an image]</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Cay-Cay: Is this satisfactory, Schatz?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Schatz: …</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Schatz: it will be when you eat it! </b>
  <b>
    <em>youcanreplytothismessage</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Cay-Cay: Understood.</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb turned on the TV to the news as background noise to fill the apartment as he nibbled idly at his sandwich. It was a very good sandwich and Nott had managed to get the really good kind of salt and vinegar chips from the store this week. Caleb walked around the little apartment, Frumpkin winding around his legs. Caleb never really minded the isolation, it was calming and energizing in a way Jester never understood. Caleb wondered if Mollymauk was the same way. He seemed to always be with Yasha, and Caleb thought that the tiefling probably liked being alone about as much as Jester did. Which was not at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-nt Ikithon was seen on his way to give a speech-'' the tinny voice of a news reporter cut through Caleb’s idle thoughts like a razor blade through bread dough. The sandwich and bag of chips fell from his fingers like stones, breaking apart and spilling across the floor. Caleb had a brief moment to think, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nott is going to be upset about the mess when she gets back</span>
  </em>
  <span> before he couldn’t think about anything at all. He couldn’t feel the legs collapse out from underneath him, or his knees hit the wood floor painfully hard. He couldn’t feel Frumpkin paw frantically at his face or hear his phone go off once, twice, and then start ringing as a call went through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb’s vision went black as memories, thick like tar, started to overtake him.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Nott was trying very hard not to get worried. It was clearly ineffective, as she had bared her sharp and pointy teeth at a customer for no reason, launched herself at another (causing Yasha to whisper “</span>
  <em>
    <span>oh, no”</span>
  </em>
  <span> to herself as she grabbed the small goblin around the waist and hauled her away, leaving Fjord to smooth things over), and stolen the buttons off of three men’s trousers. This equally embarrassed and entertained Fjord, who could not stifle his laugh as the men’s pants dropped to the floor as they leaned over the bar to order alcohol at an hour entirely too early in the morning, in Fjord’s humble opinion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the third patron’s pantsing situation arose and was solved by a chuckling Fjord, Yasha kneeled down next to Nott, who was wringing her hands nervously. “What’s wrong, Nott?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I-haven’t-heard-from-Caleb-in-hours</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Yasha blinked at the goblin. There was usually more of a pattern of gentle coaxing, bribing, and sometimes the application of force to get Nott to tell anyone what was bothering her, even after several months of her accepting that they were friends. The fact that Nott was so concerned she just came out and told Yasha, with barely any prompting, spoke volumes to how serious the situation was. The fact that her words came out of her with the force of a gale, in one long rush and with no breath in between as if it had been punched out of her, was even more worrying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Nott. How can Fjord and I help?” Yasha asked, to the point as always.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott stared up at Yasha, who was still taller than she was, even when kneeling down. Fjord was standing behind her, nodding his agreement and willingness to assist. Still wringing her hands over and over again, Nott shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know! We can’t leave, and he won’t answer! I’ve tried calling and texting- I even sent him a message using a spell he taught me- nothing! Do you think he </span>
  <em>
    <span>died?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think Caleb died,” Fjord said calmingly, his drawl thicker than usual, “and now none of </span>
  <em>
    <span>us </span>
  </em>
  <span>can leave, but someone else can go check on him, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott’s eyes widened and she perked up, “Yes! But…” her shoulders slumped again, “Jester and Mr. Clay are working.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Molly isn’t, he didn’t book any appointments specifically because he didn’t want anything to run over into Movie Night. You could text him and ask him to run by your place and check on Caleb. I’m sure he’d be happy to do it,” Yasha smiled at Nott gently. She reached one hand out and covered both of Nott’s, gently forcing the goblin to stop her from turning her fingers into a pretzel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott her lower lip, “Is he even in the area?” Yasha nodded her head, surreptitiously pulling her phone out and texting Molly behind her back. It was a skill she had developed a few years ago after Molly had truly come into his own and it was a skill she only seemed to use when Mollymauk Tealeaf was involved.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Molly’s head shot up from his bed as what sounded like a crack of thunder echoed throughout his room. Yasha </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>texted him while she was at work. It was one of the most boring things about her, and Molly took special delight in sending the girl as many messages as he could while she was working so she had to scroll through 50 texts waxing poetic about how bored the tiefling got without her. He hated being alone, and normally he would schedule his appointments at the tattoo shop he worked at around her shifts at the bar so he wouldn’t be alone at the house he shared with Yasha, but he’d taken the day off because of Jester’s Movie Night. It felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>empty </span>
  </em>
  <span>without the tall girl’s calming presence around, and Molly hated it. Scrambling over the many pillows and blankets littered across Molly’s bed, he launched himself at his phone, only to blink uncomprehendingly at the text from Yasha. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>❤❤︎</b>
  <b>LoveOfMyLife</b>
  <b>❤❤︎</b>
  <b>: Please pretend you are near Caleb and Nott’s house when Nott texts you.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>This confusion was immediately remedied when a second text came through. This one was not from Yasha.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>🥃🥃PintSized🥃🥃: yasha said youre near caleb and my house can you check on him? i haven’t heard anything in a while and i cant leave. </b>
  <b>
    <em>youcanreplytothismessage</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly’s tail made lazy figure eights in the air behind him as he tried to decipher what the hell was happening to his friends. At least he wasn’t bored anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>BrightlyColoredWeirdOne: course darling whats the address</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than a minute went by before Molly’s text tone went off. It was Nott sending him her and Caleb’s address. He pulled up Caleb’s contact in his phone and sent him a courtesy text, knowing he wouldn’t get an answer. If Caleb wasn’t responding to Nott, he wouldn’t respond to a man he’d known for less than a week. It spoke volumes to the amount of worry Nott must be going through if she was reaching out to Molly for help. Normally, Molly wouldn’t give a shit about others, but he’d seen how deeply Yasha cared for this group of weirdos, and how deeply they cared for her in return. A selfish part of him, a part that he kept hidden underneath layers of revelry and color, longed for something like that. So he’d go and check on one very anxious, very attractive wizard because a little goblin girl asked him. He wouldn’t even consider it a favor that needed to be returned later.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> Mollymauk Tealeaf </b>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> (why did he do that): caleb darling im frightfully bored are you doing anything</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> Mollymauk Tealeaf </b>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> (why did he do that): im taking your silence as a resounding no</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> Mollymauk Tealeaf </b>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> (why did he do that): i weaseled your address from nott so im coming over</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> Mollymauk Tealeaf </b>
  <b>🍆🍆</b>
  <b> (why did he do that): say nothing if thats fine with you</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly sighed. He knew that Caleb wasn’t going to respond to him, but part of him had hoped that he would have. It would have made everything easier. He sent another text to Nott.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>BrightlyColoredWeirdOne: nott darling im omw to check on Mister Caleb will the door be open</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🥃🥃PintSized🥃🥃: no!! theres a key under the welcome mat that looks like frumpkin! </b>
  <b>
    <em>stopreplyingtomymessagesandcheckoncaleb</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>BrightlyColoredWeirdOne: noted darling will text when ive revived our ginger zemnian god</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🥃🥃PintSized🥃🥃: our what????? </b>
  <b>
    <em>pleasereplytothismessageandexplainyourself</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>🥃🥃PintSized🥃🥃: </b>
  <b>
    <em>idemandyoureplytothismessage</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>🥃🥃PintSized🥃🥃: Mollymauk Tealeaf I will stab you!!!</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly stopped checking his phone as he threw on a ratty pair of black lounge pants that did absolutely nothing for his figure and a grey tank top he found off the floor that he was 90% sure was Yasha’s. Not his most breathtaking ensemble, but Molly wasn’t really in a position to complain. He skipped out on his knee-high boots and opted for Doc Martens, cursing the lack of casual slip-on shoes, and tried not to bolt out of his house. He slid into his beat-up, bright purple Dodge caravan (which Jester had laughed herself to tears when she’d first seen) and peeled out of the duplex he shared with Yasha, heading for the address that Nott had given him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly would be a liar- and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>a liar, to everyone but himself and Yasha- if he said he hadn’t been worried about Caleb Widogast after Beau’s failed attempt at casual questioning yesterday. He’d be a liar if he said he wasn’t worried about Caleb Widogast from the moment he saw the obvious ball of anxiety and trauma. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It takes one to know one,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Molly thought with a self-deprecating snort. Beau had tried very hard to make it seem like she hadn’t been asking about Caleb, or asking about what to do when someone she cared about had a very bad panic attack, but the girl was about as subtle as a two-by-four to the face. It was a wonder that Yasha was still completely oblivious to the girl’s feelings. Or that Beau was still oblivious to her </span>
  <em>
    <span>own </span>
  </em>
  <span>feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying to maintain a certain degree of calm that Molly knew Nott was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>maintaining at the moment, Molly pulled into the only available parking spot at a rather run-down-looking apartment building. Molly wasn’t entirely surprised, but he wasn’t judging- he’d been through worse than not living in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Finding Caleb and Nott’s apartment number was rather easy, considering it was the only door heavily decorated with what looked to be every button Nott had ever stolen, three different sets of wind chimes, and a bright orange cat welcome mat that had been repainted to say “Stay A̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ Away!!” (Molly assumed this was Nott’s doing). Molly dug the key out from under the mat, knocked on the door, and waited a few moments. Caleb, as Molly expected, did not answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly slowly opened the door, calling out softly into the apartment, “Caleb, darling, I’m assuming by your overwhelming silence that you received my texts and are waiting with bated breath for my arrival.” Molly walked fully into the kitchen, hearing the faint noise of the TV on, and saw an open textbook on the kitchen table with a half-drunk glass of water. He turned his head and took in a sharp, soft breath. “Oh, darling,” Molly whispered, rushing to where Caleb was laid out on the ground in the fetal position, prone. Molly’s hands hovered above Caleb, “Caleb, darling, can you hear me?” Caleb didn’t make a noise. His eyes were open, but they weren’t looking at anything present in the room. He looked… </span>
  <b>
    <em>Empty</em>
  </b>
  <b>. </b>
  <span>Molly physically shook himself from head to toe. Now was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not the time,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he needed to help Caleb. “Caleb, darling, I’m going to pick you up and put you on the couch, okay?” No response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb didn’t flinch or move when Molly lifted him up, bridal style, and gently carried him over to the couch, sat him down, and wrapped a threadbare blanket around his shoulders. Molly turned back and saw that Caleb must have been eating when he collapsed, so the tiefling started to clean up the mess. “I was in the area, darling, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>bored without Yasha around that I decided to come to bother you. I wanted to see what my ginger Zemnian god does when he’s not making the best cup of- </span>
  <em>
    <span>well. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Caddy makes the best cup of tea, doesn’t he? But you make the <em>second-best</em></span>
  <span> cup of tea, darling. I pestered Nott until I got your address, and I’m glad I did. I have… </span>
  <em>
    <span>experience </span>
  </em>
  <span>with this sort of thing, darling, so I’m just going to talk to fill the space until you come back to me. I’m also going to hijack your kitchen, darling, so when you do come back to me and realize I’ve done that, I hope you don’t mind,” Molly babbled as he opened a kitchen cabinet and took a startled step back, “Sweet Moonweaver, darling, do you actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>drink </span>
  </em>
  <span>all these teas or has Caddy just foisted them on you in an attempt to make you gain water weight through the sheer application of them all?” Molly perused the frighteningly large tea selection Caleb seemed to have accumulated, letting out a soft </span>
  <em>
    <span>whoop </span>
  </em>
  <span>of joy when he found a really nice Chai. The tiefling kept his body turned so he could keep an eye on Caleb the entire time he was talking. This made it seem like Molly was uncaring or unaffected, but he was actually just putting on a show for the benefit of Caleb. It put a lot less pressure on the ginger to be okay if it seemed like Molly didn’t care one way or another if he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to make some Chai for myself, darling, and I’m going to make enough for you too. You can drink it if you want when you come back to me but if you don’t want it then it’s just more for me. I’m a selfish tiefling, really, this is more of a kindness to myself than you, don’t get me wrong.” Molly dug his phone out of the loose side pocket of his pants and pulled up Nott’s contact first.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>BrightlyColoredWeirdOne: ginger zemnian god located im going to stay and bug him until you get off work im super bored</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🥃🥃PintSized🥃🥃: is Caleb okay? why wasn’t he responding? actually, i’ll talk to him when i get there, nevermind.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🥃🥃PintSized🥃🥃: do not!! do anything!! weird!! </b>
  <b>
    <em>stopreplyingtomymessages</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly sent Yasha a quick text, letting her know that he got to Caleb’s apartment okay, that Caleb </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay and that he was going to stay with him until Nott got off work. Yasha responded with several purple hearts and one eggplant emoji that he knew was not a typo. He really did love that girl. Then, while the milk on the stove was heating up, Molly dug around in the freezer for some ice. Walking carefully back to Caleb, Molly kneeled in front of the wizard. Some of the light had come back into his eyes while Molly had been spewing utter nonsense, but not much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, darling, I’d like to try something weird. Mostly because Nott asked me not to, and I simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>resist. Could you hold this for me?” Caleb reached his hand out mechanically, palm up to accept whatever Molly was giving him. That was not necessarily a comfort to the tiefling, but Molly would take what he could get. Molly placed the ice in Caleb’s open hand, unsurprised that the wizard didn’t react. “Excellent, darling, you’re doing wonderful. Can you think about how that feels? I know, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>it </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>be cold, but how does it feel to you </span>
  <em>
    <span>right now? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Can you think about that for me? You’re very smart, Mister Caleb, I’m sure you could come up with a much better word than ‘very cold’ for me.” Molly stared into Caleb’s distant blue eyes, watching as the wizard slowly, very slowly came back to himself. “I’m sure you can feel how the ice is starting to melt, darling, and I’m sorry for that. Terribly messy, isn’t it? Getting water everywhere. It’s not as cold, anymore, but it's still very cold. I still can’t think of a better word than ‘cold’, though, darling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bitterkalt… </span>
  </em>
  <span>” Caleb’s voice was faint, “Freezing, Mister Mollymauk. The ice is freezing.” Caleb’s sharp blue eyes were actually sharp again and Molly’s face broke out into a genuine smile.</span>
</p><p><span>“Well, there’s our sexy wizard! Welcome back, darling, let me go finish making that tea and get you a cloth.” Caleb blinked his blue eyes at Mollymauk and let the ice drip through his fingers as the tiefling stood slowly. Molly bent down and kissed Caleb’s forehead before turning back to the kitchen and placing the Chai tea bags into the pot of milk on the stove. “It’ll help, darling, if you focus on the ice. Keeps you grounded.” Caleb looked at his fist, slowly </span><em><span>drip,</span></em> <em><span>drip,</span></em> <em><span>dripping </span></em><span>water onto the ground.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Nott is going to be upset about the water on the ground,” Caleb whispered, not really sure why he was saying anything at all. When he looked back up, though, Molly’s smile was soft and pleased. The spade tip of his tail twitched back and forth in the way Frumpkin’s tail did when he was watching a particularly wonderful bird outside or when Caleb scratched him </span>
  <em>
    <span>just so</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a big fan of water, our little goblin, hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Nein,</span>
  </em>
  <span> no she is- ah, she is adverse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly handed Caleb a warm mug, steam curling off the top. He gently took the ice and wiped Caleb’s hand with a washcloth, long purple fingers wrapping firmly around the wizard’s shaky hand and squeezing once before retreating. The spicy scent of Chai latte wafted up, filling Caleb’s senses. Caleb took a cautious sip, letting the flavor roll over his tongue and ground him further. His right hand was still slightly damp from the melted ice. “Well, darling, I’ll admit I have no interest in the news. Do you mind if I put on something else?” Caleb’s eyes snapped to the television as Molly settled into the couch, scarlet eyes cautious on the other man’s face. Caleb went slightly paler than he was before. A small part of Molly’s brain was fascinated with how pale the human </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>get. Molly immediately sensed the change and leaned into him, tail wrapping around his wrist to avoid him spilling his drink on himself. “Hey, now, you’re all right,” Molly murmured as he flipped to a random channel, landing on some random soap, “you’re fine, love, take it easy for me, okay? If you need to put your mug down, you can, it’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, Molly telling him that he was okay didn’t feel like a lie- more like a promise. Caleb took a shuddering breath and another sip of his latte. He smiled thinly at Molly and whispered, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ja,</span>
  </em>
  <span> uh… thank you, I’m- I’m also… uninterested in the news, right now. We can watch… whatever this is if you want Mister Mollymauk.” Molly beamed at Caleb, tail squeezing his wrist once before pulling away, the tiefling shifting so he wasn’t sitting too close to Caleb on the couch as he turned to watch the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Excellent,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mister Caleb, excellent.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>As Mollymauk and Caleb sat on the couch, drinking Chai lattes that Molly made and watching old episodes of some foreign drama, Caleb found that he didn’t mind the quiet or the company. He didn’t feel as drained as he normally did, after an episode as he had. Caleb was surprised that Molly had managed to handle Caleb as well as he had, but was unsure if it was alright to ask the tiefling why that was. Beau had said the man was an open book, but Caleb wasn’t exactly an expert at navigating social nuances. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It turned out that Caleb didn’t need to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get like that, sometimes,” Molly said into the quiet, his voice soft, and the only time Caleb had ever heard it this genuine was right before he had left the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament </span>
  </em>
  <span>yesterday, “I used to, more. Years ago. Yasha, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yasha saved me- she’s amazing, helping ground people through that, but I also learned. Mostly because I had to.” Molly’s scarlet eyes pierced through Caleb, “I’m glad I was able to help, Mister Caleb.” The tiefling smiled, and Caleb watched as the smile morphed into more of a bearing of his teeth, a performative grin, and they both turned back to the TV. Caleb was glad Molly seemed incapable of taking anything, including himself, seriously for an extended period of time. It meant he was able to avoid analyzing anything that felt vaguely uncomfortable at the moment and risking spiraling again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them sat on the couch, enjoying crappy TV, Chai lattes, and each other’s (surprisingly) quiet company until 2:18 pm when the door to the apartment slammed open. Nott burst in with a ferocity that betrayed her size, yellow eyes sweeping the apartment for any signs that anything was amiss. They landed on Caleb and Molly, sitting on the couch with Frumpkin in between them. They narrowed menacingly. Molly lifted his hands up in surrender at the same time Yasha poked her head in the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Mister Caleb, thank you for suffering through my company, I certainly owe you one,” Molly stood with a languid stretch, turning his head to wink at the wizard, “Yasha, love of my life, do you need a ride home? We should get ready for Movie Night.” Yasha nodded her head with a soft smile at the tiefling before turning her eyes to Caleb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you and Nott be coming to Jester’s tonight, or would you like me to call her?” Yasha asked, giving Caleb a choice and a scapegoat. Caleb stared at his hands, picking at the bandage Caduceus had wrapped around his palm yesterday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If Nott would like to go, I think we will be there,” Caleb murmured into his lap. Nott nodded her head vigorously from the kitchen, where she had started making food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excellent, Mister Caleb, and Nott the Brave” “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I-will-literally-skin-you-Tealeaf!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” “-we’ll see you both there. Yasha, darling, I desperately need alcohol if I’m to sacrifice an entire night of my life to be in the company of the Unpleasant One, will you join me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly and Yasha turned to leave, waving goodbyes at Nott and Caleb, while Yasha frowned at Molly. “Really, Molly? She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not… </span>
  </em>
  <span>you know… </span>
  <em>
    <span>really,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Molly.” Caleb could hear her admonish the laughing tiefling as they left. He smiled faintly for the first time in hours.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Caleb and Nott knocked on the door to Jester’s brightly lit, highly decorated front door. Several large, pastel rocking chairs covered the front porch, and rainbow string lights wrapped around every available surface. It was a mixture of Candy-Land and comfortable. They didn’t have to wait long before the door swung open to reveal an unhappy, disgruntled-looking Fjord. Nott’s eyes traveled up, up, </span>
  <em>
    <span>up </span>
  </em>
  <span>the half-orc before bursting out into hysterical laughter, doubling over at the waist. Caleb had to cast a very quick Mage Hand to grab the bag that carried their movie and alcohol contributions and prevent it from smashing to the ground. Fjord rubbed the back of his head, sighing heavily, “Are y’all gonna come in, or stand out here all night- </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughing?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed that Fjord was one of the first to arrive, and Jester had taken it upon herself to dress the half-orc up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where </span>
  </em>
  <span>she had gotten the perfect Oskar cosplay, Caleb had no idea, but he was sure that the blue tiefling was enjoying the view immensely. He was also positive that Fjord had absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>no </span>
  </em>
  <span>idea. Just as clueless as Jester would be to the fact that Fjord </span>
  <em>
    <span>absolutely would not </span>
  </em>
  <span>let anyone else but Jester dress him up as the half-naked, half-orc hunk from </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tusk Love.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb smiled, half in sympathy with the man, and moved into the house, “Is Jester also, ah, dressed up?” Fjord blushed a deeper ruddy green and Nott’s cackles redoubled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already got shit from Beau, would ya can it?” Nott’s response was more shrieking as the goblin left in search of the aforementioned human. Most likely to make fun of Fjord. Definitely to make fun of Fjord. Caleb held up the bag of movies and alcohol and shook it gently, asking without words where he should put it. Fjord started to open his mouth but was interrupted by an over-enthused squeal and blue arms wrapping, vice-like, around his neck.</span>
</p><p><span>“Oh my </span><em><span>gods,</span></em> <em><span>Cayyyleb! </span></em><span>I’m, like, </span><em><span>so glad </span></em><span>you’re here! Beau and Cad are already here and Molly and Yasha are on their way and Nott and Beau are in the kitchen </span><em><span>totally </span></em><span>making fun of Fjord’s costume but I think he looks </span><em><span>really handsome,</span></em><span> don’t you?” Jester beamed over Fjord’s shoulder at Caleb, who dedicated half his brain trying to decipher the run-on sentence thrown at him faster than a bullet train and the other half of his brain trying to figure out if Fjord could actually pass out from blushing that hard. The half-orc seemed to be trying to invent a new form of magic where he spontaneously melted into the floor, never to join society again. Jester was in an incredibly realistic Guinevere outfit that matched Fjord’s Oskar costume perfectly. Jester wiggled blue brows over Fjord’s shoulder and Caleb chuckled at the tiefling’s antics. “You, like, </span><em><span>definitely </span></em><span>brought a movie, right? Because I </span><em><span>told </span></em><span>you last night you’re </span><em><span>super squishy </span></em><span>and it would probably</span><em><span> kill you</span></em><span> if I hit you </span><em><span>probably. </span></em><span>But I t</span><em><span>otally will!</span></em><span>” Caleb lifted his bag again and Jester squealed, causing Fjord to wince slightly away from the tiefling next to his ear. “You can put the booze in the kitchen, Caddy is making, like, </span><em><span>the most delicious shit ever </span></em><span>and then we can all go in the living room!” Jester cheered, throwing her hands up in the air and forgetting that the only thing keeping her a foot off the ground was her death-grip on Fjord’s shoulders, and dropped to the ground unceremoniously. She continued cheering as she spun away from Fjord and Caleb and ran into the kitchen.</span></p><p>
  <span>Fjord and Caleb stared at each other for a long moment (twelve seconds) before Fjord lifted up one forefinger and pleaded, “Not one word, Widogast, please I am begging you.” Caleb laughed, acquiescing to the other man’s desperation, and they both went into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott and Beau were holding red solo cups that Caduceus had written their respective names on in a neat script. Nott had already pounded half of her drink by the time that Fjord and Caleb made it into the kitchen, and Caduceus looked mildly alarmed at this. Caleb shook his head slightly at the look the firbolg sent his way, wordlessly telling the man he didn’t need to worry. Caduceus smiled at the wizard, “What would you like to drink, Mister Caleb?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>Herr </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clay. What would you suggest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have a lot of hard liquor, courtesy of Miss Beauregard-” “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>yeah we do!” “-and Miss Jester and Mr. Fjord have contributed a rather indecent amount of Malibu and Baileys. I do not know why. There’s plenty of mixers and I’ve just made some Chai for myself, as I will not be drinking.” Caleb blinked, remembering earlier in the day a lavender tiefling, a warm mug, and several hours of a shitty soap opera. He smiled slightly. Caduceus, ever the observant firbolg, tilted his head at Caleb. “If you’d like, Mister Caleb, Baileys and Chai go remarkably well together.” Caleb nodded his head, his smile growing. “Wonderful, Mister Caleb, wonderful.” Caduceus turned to the stove and filled a bright pink mug covered in unicorns farting rainbows with warm Chai and put a heavy serving of Baileys in it, handing it over to Caleb. Nott had finished her first drink at this point and Caduceus, without even looking at the goblin, handed her a second drink. Caleb noticed he was pouring her halves. Caduceus winked at Caleb, and the wizard smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Jester was ushering everyone into the living room, Caleb holding a warm mug, the scent of vanilla and cinnamon bark wafting up to his nose, the door opened and a loud and lilting voice carried throughout the house, “Rejoice, darlings, for your benevolent god has arrived!” Jester jumped up and down, squealing and clapping her hands before launching herself into Molly’s open arms. Yasha was more sedate walking in behind him, smiling gently and waving at everyone. Molly was as casual as he physically could be (when he wasn’t sprinting out of the house to make sure any unnamed wizards weren’t dead) in a loose-fitting V-neck red tunic covered in embroidered peacock feathers, black leggings, and over-the-knee black boots. He kept the amount of jewelry he was decorated in to a simple amount, and he was only wearing eyeliner and mascara. Yasha was wearing an oversized light blue sweater and blue jeans. She wasn’t wearing her boots, but Beau still looked like she was going to pass out. Caleb took one hand off his mug and biffed her on the back of the head. She didn’t even budge. He really was very squishy, wasn’t he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Restraining order,” he quietly reminded her. She flipped him off, tips of her ears going red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester bounded back into the living room, shimmying in place, “Okay, so now that we’re all here we can, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally </span>
  </em>
  <span>get this party started. Do you guys want any booze? Caddy is, like, an </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing bartender,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he can totally get you </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucked up and shit! </span>
  </em>
  <span>” Caduceus quirked an eyebrow in Jester’s direction at that. Yasha and Molly assented and most of the party moved back into the kitchen, talking and laughing. Caleb could hear more ribbing at Fjord’s appearance (“I think you look really nice, Fjord” “Darling, if you were wearing any fewer clothes, I would’ve thought this was an entirely </span>
  <em>
    <span>different </span>
  </em>
  <span>party and I must admit I am devastatingly unprepared for one of those”). Caleb stayed in the living room, seated at one end of a loveseat and drinking his spiked Chai. Caduceus definitely was a wizard. He had to be. Caleb wasn’t even upset at Molly’s assessment earlier at him being the second-best at making tea, it was factual and there wasn’t anything anyone could do to disprove it. Caleb smiled into his cup at his friends’ antics, as he heard Fjord burst out that he was going upstairs to change, and Jester’s wail of despair in response (“But we’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>matching </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fjord, who will I </span>
  <em>
    <span>match with </span>
  </em>
  <span>if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>change </span>
  </em>
  <span>?”). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this seat taken, love?” Caleb looked up at Molly’s soft question. He scooted over to make room for the tiefling, blushing slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>nein,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mister Mollymauk… no one is, ah, sitting there…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Excellent,</span>
  </em>
  <span> darling, the further I sit away from Beau the less bloodshed, I think,” Molly wiggled in place exaggeratedly and winked at Caleb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not think anyone is really buying that, Mister Mollymauk, but you can, ah, keep pretending, if you wish,” Caleb smiled over his cup at the tiefling, whose grin only widened in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretending is all I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do,</span>
  </em>
  <span> darling.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone else filtered back into the living room, with Fjord having been convinced not to go change. Jester was beaming from ear to ear, tail swishing back and forth behind her in a self-satisfied manner. Nott stopped in the doorway, eyes narrowing on where Molly and Caleb were sitting, but Caduceus scooped the little goblin up with a smile and sat down in the Lay-Z-Boy next to the loveseat, to the left of Caleb, with her on his lap. Nott tried not to look too pleased about this arrangement, but it gave her a very good view of the television and of Caleb and Molly’s seating situation. Yasha sat down on the couch, and patted the seat next to her, smiling up at Beau, who turned bright red, the girl opened and closed her mouth a few times but didn’t manage to actually get any words out before saying, “Cool. Cool, cool, cool,” and sitting down next to her. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>manage to not miss the couch entirely and hit the ground, and for that Caleb was very proud of her. Caleb told her as much by twisting a copper wire in his pocket around his finger subtly and casting Message. Beau flipped him off behind Yasha’s head, less subtly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester put in Nott’s movie contribution first, of course, causing Fjord to blush even harder. As the title screen for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tusk Love </span>
  </em>
  <span>flashed across the TV screen, the group of friends broke out into hoots, hollers, and catcalls. Fjord continued to try and melt into the floor. Jester had the entire movie memorized (as did Nott, but she would never admit to such a thing) and with her costume, the blue tiefling was able to act out most of it, to the delight of her friends and the embarrassment of Fjord. She over-emphasized her Menagerie Coast accent, batting her lashes and throwing herself across Fjord’s lap at certain moments of the movie, while Fjord sat next to her- completely rigid and blushed so bright he was nearly flushed down to his toes. Caleb made eye contact with Nott halfway through the movie and saw the satisfied smirk on the goblin girl’s face and started to wonder at his friend’s intentions in bringing the movie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>During a particularly close call to Guinevere’s life, Caleb heard a soft yet distinct sniff to his right. He peered curiously at the lavender tiefling, who was refusing to make eye contact with him, one arm wrapped around his torso with the other hand pressed against his cheek. His scarlet eyes were suspiciously bright and fixed steadfastly to the movie. Molly sniffed again. Caleb leaned into Molly, feeling the man stiffen, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bist du am Weinen</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Molly- are you crying?” he murmured into the man’s ear, trying not to disrupt the movie. Molly made his customary strangled cat noise and a shudder racked through his body. Caleb figured that Molly was stifling his crying, and grinned, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>crying!” Molly took the hand away from his face and slapped weakly at the other man, and Caleb slapped back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb figured it was the pleasant amount of alcohol Caduceus had managed to get into his system, through the liberal application of Chai and Baileys that made him feel so </span>
  <em>
    <span>free,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but Caleb wasn’t going to spend time analyzing it. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy,</span>
  </em>
  <span> surrounded by his friends and not choked by the social situation, and Molly was crying at a ridiculous romantic movie that could be categorized as soft-core porn, and Fjord was trying not to look </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>pleased with Jester burying her head in his half-naked chest as Guinevere breathed her “last breath”. Caleb reached a hand out and brushed away an over-large tear from Molly’s cheek, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wieso können Tieflinge so viel weinen?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Molly reached a painted fingernail out and poked the wizard on the nose, murmuring something along the lines of ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t speak Zemnian, darling </span>
  </em>
  <span>’. Caleb chuckled and went back to the movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time the credits rolled around, Jester was openly sobbing. Nott was desperately trying to look unaffected, and Yasha was wiping away an errant tear. “They just, like, love each other </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jester was wailing into Fjord’s chest as he awkwardly patted her on the back, “Fjord if I, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>die tragically </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I need to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>carried </span>
  </em>
  <span>across a </span>
  <em>
    <span>field </span>
  </em>
  <span>to a </span>
  <em>
    <span>witch </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>saved </span>
  </em>
  <span>would you </span>
  <em>
    <span>carry me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jester pinned the half-orc in place with wide purple eyes, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Fjord blushed, rubbing the back of his head nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, of course, Jessie- I’d- yeah. Of course.” Jester threw her arms around Fjord’s shoulders, crying harder. Fjord’s eyes met Caleb’s desperately, and he mouthed ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>help me! </span>
  </em>
  <span>’. Molly laughed as Caleb shrugged, completely at a loss with what to do with the over-emotional tiefling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d carry you, Beau,” Yasha said quietly to the girl sitting next to her, picking at the black polish on her fingernails, “if you almost died and needed to be carried....”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau looked up at Yasha, blushing from the tips of her ears down to her neck, “Thanks, Yash, I- uh… thanks.” Beau nudged Yasha with her shoulder, trying to hide how pleased her smile was. Jester flashed Beau a thumbs up over Yasha’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly stretched languidly, “This is all very touching, my darlings, but I’m losing my buzz- does anyone need a refill?” Jester pulled her face away from Fjord, leaning over the back of the couch and waving her hand in the air and saying ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>me, me, me! </span>
  </em>
  <span>’ over and over again. Everyone knew she was only drinking milk, but pretended otherwise for her sake. Beau stood and stretched, taking Yasha’s empty cup and heading into the kitchen, snagging Jester’s along the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that because you </span>
  <em>
    <span>cried,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mister Mollymauk?” Caleb raised a ginger eyebrow at the tiefling next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly stiffened, puffing up slightly like an offended cat, “I did no such thing,” he hissed, eyes narrowing as he stood, flouncing into the kitchen, tail rigid. Caleb chuckled and followed him. Molly was standing by the stove, laughing and squeezing Beau’s blushing cheeks with both hands while the human was desperately trying to hit any available surface on the man. Both looked up at Caleb as he walked into the kitchen, breaking apart and flipping each other off. Molly stuck his tongue out at Beau for good measure before turning and sticking his hand out and wiggling his fingers for Caleb’s mug. He refilled Caleb’s cup with more Chai and Baileys (giving him a heavier pour of Baileys than Caduceus would have, Caleb noted with a smile).</span>
</p><p><span>Once everyone had their refills, and Jester had produced a large amount of popcorn and candy from… </span><em><span>somewhere… </span></em><span>Beau offered to load up the </span><em><span>Karate Kid</span></em><span> movie next. Yasha casually draped her arm across the back of the couch behind Beau and Caleb watched Beau attempt to try and swallow her own tongue, sitting so stiffly on the seat he wondered if she was trying to turn into a piece of furniture. Caleb subtly took out his piece of copper wire and cast Message again, whispering, “</span><em><span>Restraining</span></em> <em><span>order…</span></em><span>” to the girl. This had the intended effect, which redirected her energy into being pissed at Caleb, allowing her to relax (Caleb received two middle fingers in the process). Caleb winked at Beau, shifting so he was more comfortable in his seat as the title card for the movie played across the screen.</span></p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>After the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Karate Kid,</span>
  </em>
  <span> the pizza Jester ordered earlier arrived and the movie watching was paused as everyone fell on the food with an attack-like vigor. Nott was double fisting slices of extra cheese, grinning from ear to ear as she teased Fjord for his emotional outburst at the camaraderie in the movie, and Caleb smiled softly into his plate at the sight. Nott deserved a group of friends who accepted her for who she was, who liked her, and wanted her to be happy. Caleb was glad they seemed to have found that group. Caduceus met Caleb’s eye and winked. His plate had a half-eaten slice of pizza and Caleb raised an eyebrow at the firbolg. Blushing slightly, Cad picked up his veggie pizza and took an exaggerated bite. Caleb smiled at the man and went back to listening to Jester and Beau’s dissection on the display of Jackie Chan’s muscles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the only remnant of pizza left were a few crusts and a slice of veggie, Jester herded everyone back into the kitchen and opened her chest freezer to reveal a frightening amount of ice cream. Beau blanched and took a step back into Yasha, who placed a comforting hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Where… </span>
  <em>
    <span>why… </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jessie… </span>
  <em>
    <span>How </span>
  </em>
  <span>did you get so much ice cream…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, like, I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>which flavors everyone would </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I wanted to make </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>everyone got </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough </span>
  </em>
  <span>ice cream and my momma </span>
  <em>
    <span>says </span>
  </em>
  <span>you can </span>
  <em>
    <span>never have too much </span>
  </em>
  <span>ice cream-” “Your mother created a monster,” Nott intoned solemnly. “-and I kept seeing a lot of </span>
  <em>
    <span>really good </span>
  </em>
  <span>flavors, so I thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>why not,</span>
  </em>
  <span> you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can think of at least five reasons ‘why not', Jester. At least five.” Molly peered over Jester’s shoulder into the chest freezer, using the girl as a tiefling-shield in case the freezer full of ice cream was, in fact, a mimic and would come to life at any moment. Mollymauk Tealeaf was many things, but he did not consider himself a particularly brave man. Patting the girl on the shoulder when no Lovecraftian monster started tearing into any of his friends, Molly said, “Well! We ought to get started now, or you’ll all still be eating ice cream while you’re burying my body.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would we be burying your </span>
  <em>
    <span>body</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Molly?” Jester asked, craning her head to look up at her friend as she bent down to grab a few gallons to pass out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, I figure I’d be the first to die out of all of us- no self-preservation and all of that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau rolled her eyes and snagged some Midnight Caramel River from Jester over Molly’s shoulder, “You fuckin’ wish, Tealeaf. You can’t get rid of us that easy.” Molly turned his head further into the chest freezer to hide his smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After making a sizable dent in the ice cream stockpile, while everyone lounged around the living room, too full of frozen treats and pizza, and too drunk off various alcohol to watch any more movies, Jester suggested that they all change and get ready for “the </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally awesome sleepover</span>
  </em>
  <span> part!” Caleb peeled his head from the back of the loveseat and stared in the direction of Jester’s voice, the room spinning slightly. Moving, nonetheless changing, at the moment was not something he was sure he could manage. He had lost track of how many mugfuls of Chai and Baileys he had drunk. Caduceus must be a wizard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau sniggered somewhere off to Caleb’s right. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He must have said that out loud. Caleb laughed, the sound bubbling up his throat freely. Caleb’s head lolled toward Beau, “You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>drunk,” he slurred. Beau tried to punch him on the shoulder but missed and laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Verpiss dich!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t curse at me in Zemnian!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will curse at you in any language I want! Hey! Molly!” Caleb turned his head and suddenly he was staring into Molly’s pupil-less ruby eyes, which were also much unfocused, as far as Caleb could tell, “Tell me how to say ‘piss off’ in Infernal.” Molly blinked slowly at Caleb for a couple of seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I̸̡͍͚̤̒͐͝ ̶̨̮̲̗̔̊̊͘͝ḻ̴̢͖͇̞̤̺̪̜̎̽̋̃̌̽o̸̗̦̰̤̟̝̫͑͋̓̀͛͋͂v̷̞̋̀̈̈́̈́e̸̛̗͔̬̲̱̞̓̅͆̚ ̵̝̱̠̗̏͂̑̍̊̇͌̕ỳ̵͓͕̜͔͗͝o̵͓͓͈̰̫͎͙̱͆͗͘ù̴̢̦̤͎̭̳̯̳̉r̷̡͚̺̻̆̎͋̋͛̕ ̵̡̧̮͍͚̼͇̌̎̐͋ͅȩ̶͖̥̥̥͉̋̇͛͋͠y̴̪͍̰͊̽̍͘̕͠͝ē̴̯͖͓͉̉͛̏͑̓̍ś̴͈̳̬̮͎̳̗̳̻͜”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wunderbar,</span>
  </em>
  <span> thank you Molly. Hey! Beau! I̸̡͍͚̤̒͐͝ ̶̨̮̲̗̔̊̊͘͝ḻ̴̢͖͇̞̤̺̪̜̎̽̋̃̌̽o̸̗̦̰̤̟̝̫͑͋̓̀͛͋͂v̷̞̋̀̈̈́̈́e̸̛̗͔̬̲̱̞̓̅͆̚ ̵̝̱̠̗̏͂̑̍̊̇͌̕ỳ̵͓͕̜͔͗͝o̵͓͓͈̰̫͎͙̱͆͗͘ù̴̢̦̤͎̭̳̯̳̉r̷̡͚̺̻̆̎͋̋͛̕ ̵̡̧̮͍͚̼͇̌̎̐͋ͅȩ̶͖̥̥̥͉̋̇͛͋͠y̴̪͍̰͊̽̍͘̕͠͝ē̴̯͖͓͉̉͛̏͑̓̍ś̴͈̳̬̮͎̳̗̳̻͜!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau gasped, scandalized, even though she had no idea what Caleb had said (except that she was listening to everything Caleb and Molly had just said to each other). Jester, who was just walking into the room from changing into a very large owlbear onesie, gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth. Her eyes were bouncing from Molly to Caleb, to Beau, and back again. Molly’s eyes came slightly back into focus and he looked slightly panicked, “Wait, what did you ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” from Caleb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” from Beau.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” from Jester.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly jumped up, wobbling slightly, “I’m- going to go change.” He disappeared into the bathroom rather quickly for a drunk tiefling, leaving behind two pairs of confused eyes and one delighted purple pair. He did not realize until the door to Jester’s bathroom slammed shut, too loud, that he did not have his change of clothes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you.<br/>Please tell me all about my spelling and grammatical errors, every time it happens I receive another year on top of my life. I’m striving for immortality.<br/>If you've never had Bailey's and Chai together it's very good, 10/10, tastes like a warm hug.<br/>See you next Monday!<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Passionflower and Valerian Root</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warnings for this chapter: nightmares, mild hangovers, and discussions of past abuse. If reading this bothers you, please don’t- no worries! I’ll see you in the next chapter! If I don’t, then it was simply written in the stars. For me, the stars wrote the lyrics for “Never Going to Give You Up”. For you, the stars just wrote the “fuck” word. How inappropriate.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mollymauk Tealeaf stared at himself in Jester’s brightly lit bathroom, clutching the sink as if it were a lifeline. His vision in front of him dipped and swam, causing the normally graceful tiefling to go over all wobbly. The large amount of alcohol he'd had over the course of the night was obviously crashing through his system, along with frustratingly piercing blue eyes and a Zemnian accent shutting down any lingering brain processes he had left. He pointed one gold-painted fingernail at himself in the mirror, the tip of the claw bobbing and weaving dramatically and displacing an origami butterfly that had been taped there, “You…” he slurred at himself, “are a sexy… <em> stupid… </em> idiot.” He <em>thunked </em>his head against the glass with a melodramatic flair, jewelry on his horns jingling. Even though there was no one else in the bathroom to see it, Molly thought it was a very good performance.</p><p>Mollymauk desperately attempted to clutch and gather the last few brain cells he had left, but it felt a Herculean task - they kept slipping away like sand through a sieve. He cast around the rose-colored room for some excuse he had for disappearing into Jester’s bathroom without his change of clothes, but couldn’t find any. When he was sober, he never failed to be impressed by his friend’s interior decorating skills. Impressed and slightly terrified. Jester Lavorre could take over the world with a bucket of paint, a brush, and half a cupcake. Molly knew that hiding for any longer would only make his situation worse, but making his permanent home among his friend’s matching shower things or climbing out her window seemed like good options at this point. He was staring critically at the clearly too-small and too-tall window above her claw-foot tub when he heard a soft knock and a surprisingly quiet voice from Jester, "<em>Psst! </em> Molly! You left your clothes in the living room and I <em> know </em> you only ran away because you were <em> embarrassed </em> but I figured you probably did <em> actually </em> want to change <em> probably </em> so I brought them for you and also Caleb and Beau are <em> totally </em> passed out on the couch because they’re, like, <em> weenies </em> and stuff and so won’t have <em> any </em> idea that you’re, like, <em> totally in lov </em>-"</p><p>Molly snatched the door open, slapped his hand over Jester’s grinning mouth, and whipped the blue tiefling into the bathroom with himself, trying to close the door as quietly as possible. “<em>I-am-not-in-love-with-Caleb-Widogast, </em>” Molly hissed out in one long breath before turning bright purple. Jester’s eyes were dancing with mirth and Molly drunkenly realized- too late- that the girl was playing a very effective prank on him. Jester licked a gross wet stripe across Molly’s palm who released her with a theatrical gag, wiping his hand on her onesie. </p><p>“I <em> knowww </em>that, Molly! You just think he’s, like, <em> totally hot </em>and stuff because of his <em>accent </em>and his <em>eeeyyyeeesss? </em> You’ve only known him- what, like, <em> three days </em> but he is <em> really good-looking, </em> right?” Jester leaned into her friend and wiggled her eyebrows. Molly sighed and slumped against the sink, playing up his mortification for Jester, who giggled appreciatively.</p><p>“He is a ginger Zemnian <em> god, </em> Jester Lavorre, but I promised Yasha I would do the friend thing.” Jester smiled sympathetically, taking Molly’s hand and squeezing once.</p><p>“Caleb’s got a lot of shit going on, you know? Nott told me you were there for him today, though. And Molly?” Jester looked through the layers of Molly’s revelry and joyous nature, through his lies, to the shell of a person he was six years ago, “T̶̠̪͎͆̀̊h̶̳̙̰͗a̷̲̒n̶̝̄͌͝k̶̘̺̅͌ ̸̳̭͌͋͜y̵̫͕̤̆o̶͎̜͠ŭ̶̫̈́͑.” She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, pressed his bag of clothes into his hand, and slipped out of the bathroom. </p><p>Molly let out a shaky exhale, told himself he was an idiot again in the mirror, carefully took his minimal horn jewelry off and changed into his pajamas. He ignored the latticework of faint lavender scars that crisscrossed his entire body as he did every time he was naked. After being friends with Jester for a month, and being subjected to her mandatory sleepovers, he had made the decision to just bite the bullet and buy his own pajamas (of course, because he was Mollymauk Tealeaf, his pajamas were a seven-piece satin set of light grey material, covered in palm fronds and cranes) and to stop stealing Yasha’s, considering that the lavender tiefling preferred to sleep naked at every opportunity. Especially when it could make someone else uncomfortable. Mollymauk Tealeaf was a master of contraries, even when it came to himself. Molly sniggered, piling his curly wine-colored hair into a bun using a scrunchie that matched his outfit, and he idly wondered if he could freak Fjord out tonight by making the half-orc think that he <em> hadn’t </em> brought a change of clothes and <em> was </em>going to sleep starkers. Jester would definitely play along.</p><p>Stepping out of the bathroom outfitted properly for a sleepover, Molly’s eyes widened slightly when he realized Jester had been busy covering every inch of her large living room with more blankets, pillows, and air mattresses than should be legal in Zadash. She had created a massive blanket fort over the whole living room with a pastel rainbow-colored quilt that was potentially the size of her backyard. Molly didn’t think he’d been in the bathroom that long, but he <em> was </em>very drunk. Jester hadn’t been lying, either- Caleb and Beau were stretched out on the couch (which had been folded out into a bed), dead to the world. The ginger was snoring very softly and Beau’s hand was dangling off the edge of the couch-bed, fingers barely grazing Yasha’s, who was asleep on an air mattress next to her, head tilted towards the couch. Nott was curled up at Caleb and Beau’s feet. Fjord was asleep on the La-Z-Boy, nestled up like an oversized, green housecat and Jester was piling about twenty thousand throw blankets around him with a very fond smile on her face. He kept swatting them out of the way in his sleep. Molly wasn’t sure how (but if he had to guess, a liberal application of Jester’s puppy-dog eyes were somehow involved) Fjord ended up in a werebat onesie. Caduceus was nowhere to be seen, and Molly quirked an eyebrow at Jester. She jerked her head toward the kitchen.</p><p>Padding softly into the kitchen, Molly found Caduceus quietly washing everyone’s dishes and the tiefling laughed lightly. “You don’t have to do that right now, Mr. Clay,” Molly murmured, standing next to the firbolg. Molly only came up to his shoulder. Caduceus smiled down at Molly.</p><p>“I know, Mister Mollymauk, but I don’t mind.” </p><p>“That’s precisely why you don’t have to. Let’s leave this mess for Later Us, shall we?” Molly reached out and took Caduceus’ hand, pulling him away from the sink. The firbolg didn’t resist much, but Molly did see him glance at the pile of mugs and cups over his shoulder as the tiefling led him back into the living room and over to an extra-long air mattress Jester had already set up for Cad. Gently pushing the taller man down, Molly wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and flashed him a grin, “You can always try and take care of all of us in the morning, hmm?” Caduceus blinked up at Molly and then smiled around a yawn.</p><p>“I can certainly try, Mr. Tealeaf. I can certainly try.”</p><p>Jester and Molly shared the last air mattress, laying down so they could face each other and loudly whisper to each other, giggling. Jester reached out and tried to poke Molly on the nose, but missed by a few inches, managing to miss important parts- like his eyes- but nailing his cheek instead, “My head is totally going to hurt, <em> like a lot </em>in the morning.” Molly and Jester both knew this was a ruse. Jester had been drinking Shirley Temples- sans alcohol- the entire evening when she wasn’t drinking large glasses of whole milk (just to see Beau’s face curdle).</p><p>“I think it technically <em> is </em> the morning, darling. <em> Technically. </em>” Jester giggled again, before sobering slightly, looking at Molly with large purple eyes. The only time the two tieflings felt it was really safe enough to be completely serious with each other was when the world was fuzzy through a haze of alcohol (for Molly, at least) and they were huddled together at a sleepover. There was something almost magical about it. </p><p>“I always wanted sleepovers like this when I was a kid,” Jester whispered into the quiet of the room, looking just past Molly’s horns, “I mean, everyone at momma’s work was super <em> nice </em> and stuff and <em> sometimes </em> they would spend the night with me in my room when momma was busy but it wasn’t like <em> this </em> . It wasn’t like having <em> friends. </em>” Molly twirled a lock of Jester’s hair around his finger thoughtfully. </p><p>“Well, darling… we’re here now. We can certainly make up for lost time, hmm? I don’t… well, I don’t quite remember if I ever had any of this as a kid, love, but if you want, I can pretend I didn’t. So you don’t feel quite so alone. I’m very good at that. Pretending. And we both don’t really like being alone, do we?” Jester shook her head slightly, giving Molly a wobbly smile. Molly leaned forward, kissing his friend on the forehead. “Why don’t we at least <em> try </em>and get some sleep, hmm?” Jester and Molly both pretended, at that moment, that Molly was actually going to go to sleep.</p><p>Jester fell asleep surrounded by the sound of their friends' deep breathing and soft snores. She didn’t feel alone; she didn’t feel <em> isolated. </em></p><hr/><p><em> Thin, malicious hands clawed at Caleb Widogast’s throat. Only, Caleb Widogast </em> wasn’t <em> Caleb Widogast. Caleb Widogast was asleep, surrounded by his friends and safe. Right now, paralyzed by fear and pumped full of that hateful and poisonous arcane energy; that loathing of someone who </em> lied <em> to him- told him he was going to raise him to greatness and protect the Dwendalian Empire- Caleb Widogast was just Bren Ermendrud. Bren Ermendrud was terrified and alone and helpless as thin, malicious hands clawed his throat. Bren Ermendrud was the farthest thing from safe. Thin, malicious hands morphed into charred, blackened talons grasping at nothing and desperate wailing filled the air. Bren didn’t know if it was his own cry or not. </em></p><p> <em> Fire, burning hot and evil, coursed through his veins as that sick and foul voice contaminated Bren’s very being until everything was embers and coals and heat; until all he could hear was that frantic howling. Everything turned to red and white and fire. The world burned; Bren’s world burned. All of it was ashes, was dust, was burned away as thin, malicious hands laid the blame at Bren’s feet, wrapped up in ribbons and tied in a bow. The world was cruel and thin, malicious hands were cruel. All of the kindness went up in smoke and it was Bren’s fault, Bren’s fault, Bren’s fault.  </em></p><p><em> “ </em> Hilf mir, hilf mir, hilf mir, <em> ” the voice cried. </em> </p><p>“Speak in Common, Bren”<em> the thin, malicious hands hissed and thin, malicious hands twisted into crystals embedded deep past flesh, causing blood to bubble and pool in a macabre way. Flames erupted, glowing so bright Bren had to look away. Thin, malicious hands reached out and trailed through a river of scorching tears- no mercy- “ </em> Traitors, <em> ” the hands hissed but thin, malicious hands crossed their fingers when Bren wasn’t looking and Bren broke, Bren broke, Bren broke.  </em></p><p><em> Thin, malicious hands were walking across a stage on television- honored, elevated, </em> <b>liars</b> . <em> Thin, malicious hands were giving speeches, promoting propaganda, </em> <b>liars</b> . <em> Bren would never be safe again. </em></p><hr/><p>Caleb shot awake in Jester’s living room, mouth open on a silent scream, tears streaking down his face. Caleb clapped both hands over his mouth, stifling any noise he might have made, desperate not to wake any of his sleeping friends. Caleb was already too aware of how much he’d made them worry, how much he’d relied on them lately. It would be just like him to ruin something this good, this wonderful, by freaking out over just a nightmare. He really was pathetic, wasn’t he? He had been so happy before he’d fallen asleep, the pleasant buzz of alcohol and friendship warming his veins and slowing his thoughts. He hadn’t even thought about earlier in the day when he’d heard a snippet of a news broadcast that had sent him into a spiral. He had briefly wondered where Molly had bolted off to, before Jester had pushed him into the fold-out couch and wrapped him up in more blankets than he thought one person should reasonably own, and then he was asleep with Beau next to him and Nott at his feet. He thought he was happy. </p><p>Caleb stood on shaky legs, almost collapsing several times as he wound his way carefully around his friends’ sleeping bodies and made his way towards Jester’s bathroom. His right arm <em> burned </em>, though Caleb knew logically that if he peeled the ever-present bandage back, the flesh there would not be bubbling with blood and split; it was an old wound and Caleb was feeling an old pain. It hurt like a bitch nonetheless. He didn’t turn on the light, instead, Caleb groped blindly for the faucet handle and splashed his face with cold water several times. Squinting at himself in the dark of the bathroom, Caleb tried to count backward from fifteen, to regulate his breathing, to do anything but think about his nightmare. He must not deserve nice things, if every time he had them, he ruined them. Next time Jester wanted to have a Movie Night, Caleb would have to try and figure out a way to get Nott to go but leave him at their apartment. </p><p>A soft knock on the bathroom door startled Caleb out of his brooding thought, and the wizard jumped slightly. “Caleb, darling, are you going to be in there for the rest of the night? I’m not sure you want to know how quickly Fireball moves through a tiefling,” Molly’s lilting voice carried softly through the locked door, and Caleb let out a loud breath. At least his freak out hadn’t woken the man up. Caleb dried his face off and slid out of the bathroom, staring at the floor and trying not to touch Molly as he moved past him. “Are you all right, darling?” Caleb winced at the sincerity in his friend’s voice.</p><p>“Ah, <em> ja, </em> Mister Mollymauk, I’m… fine.”</p><p>“Mmm, don’t try and bullshit the bullshitter, darling,” Molly tilted Caleb’s chin up with one forefinger, so gently Caleb didn’t flinch away from the pressure, “It’s alright to <em> not </em>be all right, you know? I feel like a broken record saying this, I believe- and forgive me if I’m wrong, darling, I’m still a little drunk- I just told Caddy the same thing. Or maybe it was Jester?” Molly looked off to the side in concentration for a moment before shaking his head slightly and smiling back at Caleb, “We’re all a bit of a mess here, darling. I tend to not sleep at these little functions myself- horrible nightmares, and I don’t wake up as silent as you do. I’m a bit of a performer, all sorts of wailing and screaming and clutching Yasha. The first couple of times, I got all sorts of sympathy but after two months, Beau just took to rolling over in her sleep and hitting. Terribly rude, how unaffected she is. Total brute, don’t know what my darling flower sees in her, really-” Molly was cut off by Caleb gently laying his hand across his mouth.</p><p>“Do you ever stop talking, Mister Mollymauk?” Caleb asked, but his blue eyes were sparkling a little and the faint smile on his mouth was grateful. Molly beamed.</p><p>“Not if I can help it, darling. Especially if Beau’s around. Want to see if we can pilfer some sleepy tea from Jester’s overstocked cabinets?” Molly started backing up towards the kitchen, holding his hand out and wiggling his fingers at Caleb with a wink. Caleb followed his ridiculous friend with a fond smile, only slightly shaky from the nightmare he’d woken up from thirty-six minutes ago. Caleb tried not to be mesmerized by the way Molly’s gold nail polish glinted in the dim light of the hallway. </p><p>Caleb spent much of his time in Mollymauk Tealeaf’s presence trying not to be mesmerized, he thought with a more rueful twist of his lips.</p><p>Jester didn’t have any sleepy tea, but Caduceus had left a tin of passionflower and valerian root tea on the counter with a note “For anyone who needs help sleeping.” Molly hadn’t even noticed when he’d pulled the firbolg to his air mattress earlier. Caleb smiled and picked up the tin as Molly quietly set a bright blue kettle on to boil some water. “He is… overly thoughtful, <em> Herr </em>Clay is.” Molly chuckled.</p><p>“He is an overflowing tap of kindness, and he places too much value on what he can provide for others. Just wait until he gets a cold, Mister Caleb, he’ll be incorrigible. You and Beau will have to force him out of the shop with pitchforks.” Caleb made a noise of assent as he stared at his hands and idly picked at the skin around his fingernails. Molly carefully placed his hand on top of Caleb’s two, “You know, we have to stop meeting like this,” he said lightly, leaning down towards Caleb and winking conspiratorially, “it’ll give me a complex, and then <em> I’ll </em>be incorrigible.”</p><p>“Is that the only large word you know, Mister Mollymauk?” Caleb met Molly’s eyes with a small smirk, causing the tiefling’s grin to widen. The kettle started to boil, so Molly gave one of Caleb’s hands a gentle squeeze before turning away to make the tea. A sweet meadow-like scent, with an earthy undertone, floated through the kitchen. Molly’s tail twitched slightly in the dark, just enough for Caleb to notice it. He wasn’t overly familiar with tiefling anatomy, considering his only known sources of study were Jester and Molly (and he’d only known Molly for such a short amount of time) but if Caleb had to hazard a guess at the gesture, he’d guess it was irritation. “Does the smell bother you, Mister Mollymauk?” Molly’s shoulders tensed, back still turned to Caleb, and when the man spoke, his voice was slightly guilty. </p><p>“I’m, ah, I’m not entirely fond of <em> dirt, </em> Mister Caleb. Not that Mr. Clay’s tea smells <em> dirty </em>or that it is dirty- I just. Fuck. I don’t know, darling.” Caleb smiled softly and took his mug of tea from the counter with one hand, squeezing Molly’s bicep with the other. Molly’s hands were gripping the edge of the counter so tightly his knuckles were almost white, which was impressive for a purple-skinned creature.</p><p>“<em> Herr </em> Clay has a Lapsang souchong that I’m not too fond of. It is, ah, too <em> smoky </em> for me. I’m not a fan of fire, Mister Mollymauk, or any of the associated scents,” Caleb tilted his head so he could meet Molly’s eyes, “but that doesn’t mean I’m afraid the cup is going to burst into flame, <em> ja? </em>” Molly gave a weak chuckle.</p><p>“We really do have to stop meeting like this, Mister Caleb,” Molly murmured, reaching out to take his cup and clink it to Caleb’s. Caleb toasted Molly, smiling over his mug at his friend.</p><hr/><p>Caleb did manage to fall back asleep after drinking Caduceus’ tea with Molly. It was a deep and dreamless sleep, and when Caleb woke the next morning with Nott sitting on his chest and Jester leaning over the back of the couch to bellow a good morning into his face he decided he needed to get a tin for himself. Caduceus <em> must </em>be a wizard, and that tea had to be induced with illegal arcane properties. Caleb looked blearily around the living room, picking Nott up off his chest and placing her down on the couch-bed next to him. At some point in the night, Beau must have rolled off and was now on the air mattress with Yasha. Beau was wrapped around Yasha like a koala, head over her shoulder, arms around her neck, and legs around her waist. Yasha’s arms were around Beau’s waist and her head was buried in Beau’s neck. Beau was also awake, and completely freaking out as Yasha was snoring very, very softly.</p><p>Jester had her phone out and, while still leaning over the back of the couch to yell, “Good morning! Good morning! Good morning!” over and over again to Caleb, was taking several pictures of Beau and Yasha. She flashed her friend a thumb’s up before flouncing away into the kitchen, wherefrom the smells wafting throughout the rest of the house, Caduceus was cooking breakfast. Beau hissed, “<em> Help me!” </em> to Caleb and Nott. Nott and Caleb looked at each other. Grinned evilly. Nodded at each other.</p><p>Nott stuck her head over the side of the fold-out and yelled, “HEY YASHA! WAKE UP! MR. CLAY IS MAKING BREAKFAST! ALSO, YOU’RE SNUGGLING BEAU!”</p><p>This proclamation was followed by what Caleb could only describe as complete and utter chaos.</p><p>Beau, blushing so hard Caleb feared for her health, started hissing threats to Caleb and Nott. It sounded very impressive and Caleb wondered if she threw in a few phrases in Undercommon or Infernal for extra flavor. Yasha pulled her head out of Beau’s neck groggily, blinked down at the blushing girl, smiled, and said, “Good morning, is there any bacon?” Fjord, who had been previously asleep, shot out of the La-Z-Boy so fast he disrupted the mountain of blankets Jester had placed around him in a spectacular display of grace, stood up too fast, tripped, and fell face-first onto Molly and Jester’s abandoned air mattress with several colorful curses only a sailor would know. Caleb wasn’t sure he really had wanted to know where he could stick it in “Sweet Betty.” Caleb also wasn’t sure who Sweet Betty was, but he was sure that she led a hard life if he went off anything Fjord had to say about her at the moment. </p><p>Molly stuck his head out of Jester’s bathroom at the sound of all the commotion, half of his horns decorated, and pouted. “I miss all the fun!” he cried dramatically as he turned away from the racket.</p><p>Eighteen minutes and eleven seconds later, Fjord had been removed from the air mattress, Beau and Yasha had been separated (Beau had taken two swings at Nott, missed on purpose, but the threat had sent the little goblin scuttling under the couch), then Nott had been dug out from under the couch, Molly reemerged from the bathroom completely bejeweled and clothed for the day, and Caduceus and Jester called everyone into the kitchen for breakfast. Everyone was nursing a slight hangover, so the normally over-loud voices were mildly subdued as they all gripped coffee mugs gratefully. Beau had snagged an entire plate of bacon and was holding it to her chest as if it was going to be ripped from her at any moment. The only one who was able to reach over and steal any was Yasha.</p><p>Molly grabbed a to-go mug of coffee from Caduceus, tapped Beau on the shoulder with his tail so she turned her head, grabbed a piece of bacon off the other side of her plate, danced out of the way of her fist, pecked Yasha on the cheek and headed toward the door, “I’ve got an early appointment, my dears, but I should see most of you at Caddy’s later!” Jester dashed off her seat, wrapped her arms around Molly’s middle in a quick hug, and then dashed back to her plate. Caleb blinked at this entire interaction in confusion, not able to keep up in time as the door swung closed and Molly was gone. Caleb looked to Jester for clarification, but Yasha piped up, albeit quietly.</p><p>“Molly is not usually one for the morning after,” Yasha smiled kindly at Caleb, taking another piece of bacon from Beau’s plate, leaving unscathed. Jester sniggered and made a few innuendos under her breath. Thinking back on the tiefling’s behavior, Caleb wasn’t very surprised that Molly didn’t stay very long afterward. Caleb hoped he hadn’t overstepped any boundaries or ruined anything. He felt anxiety claw slowly up his throat and he subtly pushed his plate away. “He’s always left first thing, right Jester?” Yasha's very perceptive eyes cut over to the blue tiefling, who nodded her head enthusiastically.</p><p>“<em> Mmhmm! </em> He, like, <em> always </em> does! He <em> totally </em> could stay, if he <em> wanted </em> to, but he <em> never </em> does but he’s always so <em> Molly </em> about it, you know? I used to think it was <em> me, </em> but then I realized it <em> wasn’t </em> me, it’s just <em> Molly </em> being <em> Molly! </em> ” Jester stuffed a huge bite of pancakes into her mouth, syrup dribbling down her chin slightly. Fjord snagged a napkin off the table without looking up from his cup of coffee, which he’s been staring so intently into Caleb thought he’d been trying to divine the future from, and wiped at her chin. “Thanks, Fjord!” Fjord grunted. Caleb felt the tension that had filled him following Molly’s hasty exit leave him. If this was just one of Molly's eccentricities and not something Caleb had done wrong, not something Caleb had <em> ruined... </em></p><p>“You gonna sit down and eat with us, Deucy?” Beau asked, pointing a piece of bacon at Caduceus, who had started to wash the dishes.</p><p>“It seems like everyone is against me doing the dishes lately.”</p><p>“Nah,” Beau smiled at her friend, “just against you not taking care of yourself. Sit. Eat.” Caduceus tried to hide his smile as he put some pancakes and fruit on his plate and sat down next to Fjord. </p><hr/><p>After a few hours (two hours and six minutes) everyone had eaten, gotten dressed, and started to leave. Jester hated this part but covered it up by bustling around her house, putting everything away. Beau was giving Yasha a ride home, as Molly had taken his car to the tattoo shop, and they were the first to leave. Jester gave them giant hugs and then started folding blankets and putting them back in her room. Nott and Caleb left next; Caleb needed to study for an upcoming exam. Jester promised to come and pester Caleb at work during the week, and bring Nott when she wasn’t working. Then Jester started doing the dishes (Jester hated doing dishes) that Beau stopped Caduceus from doing earlier. She bounced around her house, tail swinging, and singing like normal. She grinned at Caduceus as he left and gave him a very big, very long hug because she knew he missed all of the affection he used to get from his family but he would never actually ask for it from anyone. Caduceus never talked about his family; he had only mentioned them, once, by mistake to Jester. She jumped up and down on the air mattresses as they were deflating. </p><p>She forgot Fjord hadn’t left yet when she started to cry.</p><p>She stood in her living room, looking around at everything that had been put back to rights, and sat down on the ground with a <em> whump. </em> She sniffled loudly once, then twice, and then two large tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. “This is <em> stupid, </em>” she announced to what she thought was her empty apartment, rubbing a fist against her right eye.</p><p>“What’s stupid, Jessie?” </p><p>Jester froze on the floor of her living room. “<em> Uhhh, </em> nothing! It’s <em> nothing, </em> I <em> wasn’t- it’s nothing. </em> I didn’t say <em> anything. </em> Are you hearing things, Fjord? You shouldn’t be hearing things, that’s not good. <em> I didn’t say anything. </em>” </p><p>Fjord walked around until he was standing in front of Jester, hands on his hips. A slightly hysterical laugh tried to bubble up from her chest as she was reminded of a disappointed father. Fjord kneeled down until he was eye level with Jester, reaching out to pull her hands away from her face. “Now, I <em> know </em>you ain’t tryna bullshit me, Jester Lavorre,” Fjord drawled with a kind smile. He rubbed his thumb across Jester’s knuckles, looking into her watery purple eyes. “I ain’t got nothing to do today, y’know? I could stay for a while, and you could subject me to more of that softcore porn show you and Nott love so much.” Jester sniffed wetly.</p><p>“It’s <em> Tusk Love </em> and you <em> know </em> that and also you <em> know </em> that Nott <em> hates </em> it, she <em> really </em> doesn’t like it <em> at all!” </em></p><p>Fjord rumbled out a deep laugh, pulling Jester into a hug, “What did I say about bullshittin’ me?”</p><hr/><p>Caleb retreated to his room as soon as he got home, bending down and scooping up Frumpkin along the way. He draped the purring cat over his shoulders and dug through his school bag to pick out a random textbook. Caleb didn’t have any intention of actually studying, although he knew he needed to brush up on his Transmutation notes if he was going to perform as well as he wanted on the upcoming exam. He set the book down on his bed, flipping through it aimlessly as his thoughts whirled. They were all hazy, half-formed things; <em> you’ve been relying on your friends too much lately, how much longer can you keep running for, he’s going to find you before you’re ready, your friends are going to find out what you did </em>. None of them were particularly helpful to him at the moment.</p><p>Sighing deeply, Caleb held Frumpkin to his chest and walked back out into the living room. Nott’s head whipped up, then jerked towards the TV, then back to Caleb, as if she couldn’t decide how casual she was supposed to be at that moment. “Caleb! How are you feeling? Are you hungry?” Caleb smiled and rubbed his nose into the top of Frumpkin’s head.</p><p>“Ah, no, not at the moment, <em> Schatz. </em>” Caleb sat next to Nott on the little couch, staring at but not really watching whatever show she had put on. He watched Nott fidget out of the corner of his eye, obviously chewing on something she wanted to say to him. She opened her mouth, but then closed it again and tugged at some loose threads on the throw pillow on her lap. She wiggled a little. </p><p>After three minutes and two seconds of twitching (a new record for the goblin), Nott turned large, yellow eyes onto Caleb, before rushing out in one long sentence “<em> Caleb-are-you-all-right-because-I-know-you-had-a-bad-time-yesterday-before-the-Movie-Night-but-we-really-didn’t-talk-about-it-at-all-and-I-just-wanted-to-make-sure-you’re-okay-and-also-that-Mollymauk-didn’t-do-anything-weird-when-he-came-over! </em>” Nott took in a deep breath. Caleb tried to decipher everything his friend had just said to him.</p><p>“Um, well… I am… better, now, <em> Schatz, </em> but I am not- I am not okay, I think.” Caleb was silent for a moment, too deep in thought to notice exactly how long it had been. “If I asked, <em> Schatz, </em> would you leave with me? Right now?”</p><p>Nott didn’t hesitate, “Yes, absolutely.” Caleb blinked at her in surprise. </p><p>“... <em> Wie bitte? </em>” </p><p>“I care about you, Caleb and yesterday was… hard for you. Whatever happened yesterday, before we went to Jester’s, it was hard for you, and if you leave now and go… <em>wherever</em> if that will make it better, then that’s what we’ll do.” Caleb searched Nott’s open and honest face.</p><p>“I do not know what I’ve done to deserve a friend such as you...” Nott made a disparaging noise that Caleb decided to ignore, “but I do not have the words to tell you how much I appreciate it. I have been… relying too much on our other friends, lately, I think. I do not think we will need to leave right now, but we may have to in the future. For our safety, but also for theirs.” </p><p>“Is this… is this because of <em> him? </em>” Caleb flinched slightly and Nott opened her mouth to apologize but the wizard nodded his head and she closed her mouth in shock. “Was yesterday… also because of…” Another nod. Caleb swallowed thickly.</p><p>“It was not so- it should not have been… <em> Scheiße. </em> I turned on the news, and <em> he </em> was… giving a speech. It caught me by surprise. I was being stupid.” </p><p>Nott leaned into Caleb’s space, looking angry, “Caleb Widogast! You were not being stupid! That- <em> that- </em> you were not being <em> stupid! </em> ” Caleb flinched and looked at his hands, “I’m sorry,” she said softer, “it's okay, to get surprised or to be afraid sometimes. You don’t have to… <em> apologize </em>for how you feel, or be upset because of it.” Caleb continued to stare at his hands and Nott sighed softly, reaching out to take one and give it a soft squeeze. “Will we tell them? If we have to go?” Caleb looked up at that and considered it for a moment. He thought about Jester, and how much she pretended she didn’t worry. He thought about Beau, shoving a lemon into his hands. He thought about Caduceus, leaving a tin of passionfruit and valerian root tea out on Jester’s kitchen counter. He thought about pupil-less scarlet eyes and Chai tea.</p><p>“I think… I think it would be best if we told them, if the- when the time comes, and we have to go.” Nott nodded her head, clearly relieved. She gave his hand one more squeeze and turned back to the television, still picking at the throw pillow on her lap. Caleb went back to staring through the flashing images on the screen and idly petting his cat. His heart twisted painfully in his chest.</p><p>Five years he’d been running. Five years he’d been studying, amassing spells, and learning as much as he could. Five years he’d been trying to grow stronger. He knew that stopping was dangerous, that wanting to stay was signing not only his death sentence but the death sentence of all of his friends. They didn’t deserve that. They didn’t deserve to have him hanging around, a noose around their necks. But thinking of scarlet eyes, passionflower and valerian root tea, a lemon, a werebat onesie, and a hand holding a piece of bacon unscathed- all Caleb wanted to do was stay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you.<br/>Have I gone and bought every tea blend that I’ve named these chapters after? Yes. Will I be broke and have no cabinet space by the time I finish writing this story? Also yes. Do I have regrets? No. Passionflower and valerian root is 9/10, very good for sleeping, a little stinky. I highly recommend it. And I’m sorry if this story turns into me describing tea and what Molly is wearing. I am not a well person.<br/>Please tell me when I’ve spelled something wrong or made a mistake. Every time it happens, new dice manifest inside my house.<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Black Tea and Cherries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! Warnings for this chapter: minor descriptions of violence, blood, and one creepy mother fucker. If reading any of this bothers you, please do not- no worries! I will see you in the next chapter! If I do not, then that was just the way the cookie crumbled. My cookie was an oatmeal raisin. Yours was a double chocolate chip. You judge me for my choice of cookie.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A vicious and animalistic snarl ripped through the air, followed by the sound of shattering glass. Trent Ikithon stepped over the shards of the silver mirror without care, blood dripping slowly down the hand that had punched its way through the glass unnoticed. He was not wearing shoes, but did not seem to notice, nor care as glass sliced into the flesh of his feet. He carelessly wiped his wounded hand on the front of his white and gold robes. Ikithon talked aloud to himself, alone in an opulent room, “Five years,” his voice was nothing more than a low, menacing hiss, “Five years of that lowly, sniveling </span>
  <em>
    <span>magician </span>
  </em>
  <span>escaping my grasp.” As if to emphasize his own point, Ikithon gripped his wounded hand tightly, blood flowing thickly between his pale fingers, staining the lush carpet beneath him. There was a mad, unhinged look in his eyes and his breath panted out of him as if he were a caged beast. The exertion only accentuated his jaundiced complexion and the way his skin was stretched too thin over his skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have dragged this Empire from the depth of depravity with my skill and cunning, I have saved it from utter </span>
  <em>
    <span>disgrace</span>
  </em>
  <span>, protected it from vagrants and betrayers to this nation and I will </span>
  <em>
    <span>continue to do so </span>
  </em>
  <span>- and one small little </span>
  <em>
    <span>brat </span>
  </em>
  <span>cannot continue to wiggle and squirm away from me forever. One little necklace cannot protect him forever. It is only a matter of… knowing the target.” A sudden calm fell over him then, as if a switch had been flipped. The manic light in Ikithon’s eyes was shuttered so completely if one hadn’t been staring at him, it was almost as if it had never been there in the first place. The twisted curl of his lip smoothed out into the more characteristic scheming grin of Trent Ikithon. He could have been polymorphed into a completely different person, the way Ikithon transferred his madness into one corner of his brain and locked it away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trent looked down apathetically at his hand, turning it this way and that before scoffing and muttering a few arcane words under his breath and waiting as the skin knitted itself back together. He watched without passion as the blood flowed backward, back into his body. A simple flick of his wrist and his ruined robes were Prestidigitated back to their pristine nature. Ikithon left the shattered remains of the Scrying mirror on the ground. A problem for someone else to clean up; a job that others knew well at this point. A cruel smirk briefly flashed across his mouth before it was schooled back into the face of apathy and subtle amusement that the rest of the world knew him by. A mask that had served him well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Trent Ikithon stepped carelessly over the glass dust and shards, he made a mental list of components he would send another to fetch for him for tomorrow. He would try again, with another mirror- or a crystal ball, or holy water- later. Bren Ermendrud would not escape him forever, and when Ikithon had him… he would slit him from stomach to throat. Trent Ikithon snapped his fingers, calling out to a different pawn that </span>
  <em>
    <span>listened </span>
  </em>
  <span>to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astrid! Come. I have a speech to give.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you.<br/>Yikes, am I right?<br/>I wrote Mr. Icky Thong's character before certain events happened in CR (no spoilers) that would have changed how I would have written him if I knew and I'm not entirely sure I've characterized him correctly. Alas, it is a little too late to change him, now. So, please take creepy, evil, gross, slightly over-the-top Trent. I hate him.<br/>This chapter’s tea blend was based on the literal worst tea I’ve ever had, DAVIDsTEA Cherry Cola. I know black tea and cherries sound nice but it was nasty, -10/10, please never drink it.<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Green Tea and Rose Petals</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you. Warnings for this chapter: gratuitous fluff, seedlings of Real Feelings, and threats of stabbings. If reading any this bothers you, no worries! I will see you in the next chapter. If I don’t, then it was just in the cards. My cards were Dinosaur Memory cards. Yours were Old Maid cards. I thought we were playing Go Fish, and I lost twice.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As the pleasant chime that indicated the arrival of customers sounded throughout the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament of Faith,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Caleb and Beau’s heads shot up from their secretive huddle behind the cash register. They both looked distinctively guilty as they smiled thinly at Yasha and Molly as the latter two walked into the shop. Molly arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow first at Beau, whom he knew would remain stone-faced, and then at Caleb, who flushed crimson and started stuttering out a good morning. Beau rolled her eyes, tips of her ears pink in a way that meant she was still culpable and shuffled down to the bar with her hands behind her back. Caleb stood at the cash register, eyes flicking back to the girl every other second. Molly smelled </span>
  <em>
    <span>hijinks </span>
  </em>
  <span>and grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Molly walked up to Caleb, heels of his six-inch boots echoing throughout the bookshop. In a normal situation, Caleb would have appreciated the peacock-ish attire Molly had clothed himself in for the day; a very deep V-necked sparkly shirt with gauzy crescent moon dotted sleeves and skin-tight violet snakeskin shorts to accompany his ostentatious footwear. Caleb was </span>
  <em>
    <span>usually </span>
  </em>
  <span>impressed at how fashionable Molly was. Caleb could never be like that. Caleb wore muted colors and frayed flannels found at the bottoms of thrift store bins. Draping himself over a stool in front of the register, Molly lolled his head to the side and scrutinized the blushing wizard in front of him, “Good morning, Mister Caleb, aren’t you looking particularly </span>
  <em>
    <span>guilty </span>
  </em>
  <span>this morning?” Caleb opened his mouth to start stuttering some more and Yasha chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do look very guilty, Caleb,” Yasha smiled softly at Caleb, “but Beau is also hiding something behind her back.” Beau jumped about a foot in the air. Yasha had not even looked at her while calling her out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh… no I’m not,” Beau lied, looking everywhere but Yasha’s mismatched eyes. Luckily for Beau, Yasha had elected to not wear </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>boots, or Beau would have probably just told the girl anything she had thought Yasha would have wanted to know. Maybe even some things Yasha didn’t want to know. Just for good measure. Molly leaned his forearms onto the counter and tilted his head so he could make eye contact with Caleb, continuing to cock his eyebrow upwards. The elaborate jewelry on his horns jingled softly. Caleb really was absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>adorable </span>
  </em>
  <span>when he was blushing and trying to lie, Molly thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now Mister Caleb, I believe we had a conversation a month or so ago in Jester’s kitchen about bullshitting the bullshitter, hmm?” Caleb jolted a little bit, breaking the eye contact and flushing further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were standing outside her bathroom, Mister Mollymauk, and it was a month and four days ago.” Molly blinked his scarlet eyes. He sometimes forgot about Caleb’s memory. Something warm fluttered in his chest as the thought about Caleb committing the conversation they had so vividly to memory. It was… incredibly comforting that someone would never forget him, exactly as he was. Molly smiled softly at the ginger and opened his mouth, most likely to say something embarrassing and </span>
  <em>
    <span>genuine </span>
  </em>
  <span>when he heard a quiet meow. Caleb’s shoulders tensed and Beau coughed loudly. Suddenly, his two friends’ behavior clicked and Molly didn’t think he could possibly smile any wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I really must be coming down with something! There’s a cat in my- </span>
  <em>
    <span>FROG! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Frog in my throat! Where’s Deucy’s sick tea, I gotta-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “...Is Frumpkin here?” Yasha’s voice was… painfully casual. She was staring intently into Caleb’s face with her mismatched eyes. Molly stifled his smirk into the palm of his hand as Caleb’s head whipped up to meet his eyes. The wizard looked very hopeless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh… No? Maybe. No?” Beau turned desperately to Caleb, arms still planted firmly behind her back. There was another plaintive </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘mew’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and now that Molly was listening for it, it sounded like it was coming from exactly behind the girl. Beau gave a full-body jolt and a nearly inaudible hiss, almost as if a cat (a cat that </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>supposed to be in a tea shop) had clawed her back. Yasha’s eyes sparkled. Molly leaned over the counter, trying to look behind Beau. Beau un-subtly shifted her body so Molly couldn’t look at what she definitely </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>holding behind her back. Caleb’s shoulders drooped in defeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ja,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yasha, Frumpkin is here today…” Yasha smiled largely (for Yasha, which was just a normal smile for anyone else) as Beau pulled the struggling fluffy mass out from behind her back. She placed him on the counter, where Yasha could pet him. Frumpkin, shamelessly, rolled over onto his back. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Herr </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clay is… unaware of this, though, so we are trying to be discreet about it.” Yasha nodded her head sagely, murmuring that she wouldn’t say anything to Cad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why, Mister Caleb, I never took you for a rogue!” Molly lightly pushed Caleb on the shoulder, ruby-red eyes dancing with mirth. Caleb smirked down at his cat in a very self-satisfied manner, tracing sigils and glyphs that only he knew aimlessly into the granite of the counter. Something twisted inside Molly’s chest, and he absentmindedly rubbed at it, frowning briefly. Yasha’s eyes flicked up to Molly quickly, before returning to the cat rolling around on the counter in front of her. She hummed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that exact moment, Caduceus stuck his head out from the back room asking softly, “Caleb? Beau? I was wondering if-” only to be cut off by pure, uncontrolled madness from four idiots and one cat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau, using all of the martial arts training and the one brain cell she had gained over the years, flipped over the counter backward, screaming, “</span>
  <em>
    <span> fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” very loudly. Yasha scooped up Frumpkin and spun around, shielding him with her very tall body. It did not help his cause that Frumpkin yowled at the top of his cat lungs at the sudden movement and released a large amount of ginger fur. Caleb froze, blue eyes boring into Molly’s in panic. Molly grabbed one of Caleb’s hands, rubbing his thumb over the wizard’s knuckles. Molly wasn’t sure why he did that and he wasn’t sure what that was going to do for the situation, but it made him feel better. Molly’s chest did that tightening/twisting thing again when he realized Caleb didn’t pull out of his hold, either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus blinked slowly, “Yes… well… when Miss Beauregard comes back from the Astral Sea, Mister Caleb would you mind asking her to clean up Frumpkin’s fur off the counter? I do not mind him being in the shop at all, but he really shouldn’t be where we prepare the food or drink. I’m almost positive there’s a rule or something about it....” Cad looked off into the distance and then shrugged as if he couldn’t be bothered to remember a law that his establishment was mandated to uphold in Zadash. Caleb, still staring wide-eyed into Molly’s now grinning face, nodded his assent mutely. “Thank you, Mister Caleb. I’ve just a few more things to finish up back here, and then I can come out and help with the afternoon rush if you’d like.” Caduceus drifted away, not really expecting an answer from anyone as the door to the backroom clicked shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was painful silence in the shop for thirty-seven seconds before Beau asked from the floor, mystified, “How the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>does he do that?” Yasha, still holding Frumpkin, rubbed her nose into the top of his head and laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly and Caleb realized they were still holding onto each other at the same time. Caleb flushed bright red again and spun away, back to the cash register, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Du Volltrottel Caleb Widogast. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ah, what- you never actually ordered, ah, drinks…” Caleb smiled guiltily at his friends. Molly absentmindedly rubbed at that damn ache in his chest again. Maybe he’d ask Caduceus or Jester about heartburn or whatever was wrong with him. He’d been eating too much of Yasha’s cooking lately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha stood next to Molly, her eyebrows raised and a very perceptive smile on her face. She hummed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think… we’d like two of the green tea and rose blends, please.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Rejoice, my darlings, for your-” Molly’s usual proclamation was cut off as Beau dug a power bar out of her apron (she always kept power bars in the pockets of her aprons, even though she hated power bars and never ate them) and chucked it at his head without looking. She managed to nail him right in the center of his forehead. Beau smirked down at the mug she was washing as she heard a very satisfying “</span>
  <em>
    <span>owwww, Beauregard, what fuck?!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Beau looked up, opening her mouth to rub salt in Molly’s wound when she faltered a little, her smile falling before she managed to school her expression. Yasha hadn’t come in with Molly today. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beau hadn’t realized how much she took seeing Yasha every day for the past two months (if Caleb had been working that day, and been reading Beau’s mind, he would have chimed in with “two months and eight days”) for granted. Tapping frustratedly at a weird ache in her chest, Beau aimed for her usual gruff nonchalance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you want, Molls?” Molly, still rubbing at the blooming plum-colored mark on his forehead, started peering around behind Beau’s back. His smile was as forced as Beau’s, tail making those excited figure eights that Jester’s did when she was upset but pretending she wasn’t. Molly’s eyes flicked to the open door of the back room of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beau rolled her eyes. “Caddy’s in the back, did you want me to get him?” Molly jumped a little, flushing a slightly darker purple than the lavender of his skin tone before grinning mischievously at his friend in an attempt to cover up his getting caught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, anyone can be better than </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>darling,” he said with a wink. Beau tried- and failed- not to roll her eyes again. She picked up a recycled cloth menu (because </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course </span>
  </em>
  <span>Caduceus would be so environmentally health conscious as to have recycled cloth menus for his shop) and pulled her arm back, aiming for Molly’s head again. Molly yelped, regretting that Yasha wasn’t there for him to hide behind. It was a dual regret; Yasha was very tall and Molly could easily disappear behind her, and Beau would never attempt to take her ire out on the woman, either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you just fuckin’ order something, Tealeaf? Before one of us goes gray?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, when you ask so sweetly… </span>
  <em>
    <span>All right! All right! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Put the damn stool down you psychopath! No need to get hostile in Mr. Clay’s respectable teashop! Do you still have any of that green tea and rose shit from last month?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Beau was making Molly’s tea, he stood with his back to the counter and his friend, staring intently at the rest of the store. Caduceus had gotten a new shipment of books in, and Beau and Caleb had spent the past week rearranging the bookshelves to make room for them. It looked good. The whole store had a very homey feel, covered in plants that only Caduceus had the ability to keep alive and strung up in little lights and lanterns everywhere. Each bookshelf was recycled from somewhere else, giving everything a hobbled-together and comfortable look. Caleb had admitted to Molly the other week that he didn’t think that the entire store should work, but that somehow Caduceus had made it feel right. There was probably a metaphor for their friend group in there somewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Molly’s thoughts turned to his ginger friend, he made little circles on the counter with one blue painted fingernail. “Caleb abandoned you to the wilds of customer service, then?” Molly was very proud of himself for how casual his voice sounded. He had absolutely no idea why he couldn’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beau where Caleb was directly, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was suddenly very important to him to find out why Caleb wasn’t there. Molly figured it must be because Beau would mess up his order on purpose without the calming presence of the wizard around. Yes. Of course. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>why. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly turned back around to Beau as she finished pouring his tea in a to-go cup, rubbing at a spot on his sternum with a little frown. Beau quirked an eyebrow at him, handing him his drink, “Caddy made him stay home today to study for exams next week,” Molly refrained from pulling a face or hitting himself on the head. Caleb had told him yesterday about his exams coming up and had casually mentioned how much time he’d been spending studying. It had been… an unhealthy amount of time. Caduceus had been refilling the sugar jar as they were talking, </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cad would have been overly worried about Caleb and made him take a day off. Caduceus (and the rest of the world) knew that Caleb wouldn’t take a day off to rest for himself, he wouldn’t feel like he’d deserve it, but taking a day off to just study instead of working and then studying would be better than nothing. Molly nodded his head and took a sip of his tea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau picked at a nonexistent bit of fluff on her apron. She’d switched it up a couple of weeks ago and picked out a new blue one covered in flowers Caduceus had brought in. Molly and Yasha had been wandering through the bookshelves, pretending like they weren’t eavesdropping on Beau and Caleb’s conversation when the wizard asked Beau what a specific flower on her apron was. Beau has started rattling off the names of every single flower, genus and species included. Molly had nudged Yasha, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. As subtle as a brick to the head, Beauregard Lionett was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Yasha today?” Molly refrained from snorting as Beau confirmed his thoughts; </span>
  <em>
    <span>subtle as a brick to the head</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He took a long, long drink of his tea in a successful attempt to prolong Beau’s suffering before mutely shaking his head with a shit-eating grin. Beau threw her hands up into the air, muttering under her breath about how she didn’t even know why she tried. “I don’t know why you try either, Unpleasant One.” Molly winked at Beau over the top of his cup. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau narrowed her eyes at her friend, “Caleb isn’t here to stop me from killing you, y’know?” Molly’s smile twitched slightly and Beau blinked hard. She blinked again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you having a facial spasm again, darling? Do you need Jester’s help with that?” Molly asked, too loud, uncomfortable with how wide and malicious and </span>
  <em>
    <span>knowing </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beau’s smirk was becoming. He felt incredibly out of the loop and there were only two people in the main room of the tea shop. </span>
</p><p><span>“Nah, Molly, I’m good. Are you good?” Molly started at Beau. “That’s </span><em><span>so good</span></em><span>, Molly. That’s </span><em><span>so</span></em> <em><span>good</span></em><span>.” Molly started to slowly back towards the exit, convinced that Beau had officially lost it. He would have to inform Yasha to immediately reconsider her crush on the girl. You never fuck crazy. </span></p><p>
  <span>As soon as Molly left the</span>
  <em>
    <span> Tea-stament,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Beau whipped out her phone to text Yasha.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beauregard💙: holy shit yash molly just left the shop </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Beauregard💙: also like sad i missed you and stuff but like its cool or whatever</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Beauregard💙: um fuck yeah but anyway caleb wasnt working today and yash?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Beauregard💙: holy shit</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Yasha🖤: Yes, Beau I believe ‘holy shit’ summarizes it quite well. Molly has no idea.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Yasha🖤: Also, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come visit the shop today. Fjord and I had to clean up an unfortunate mess at work very late into the night and I just now woke up.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Beauregard💙: oh fuck did i wake you up im sorry fuck</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Yasha🖤: Oh, no it’s quite alright. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Yasha🖤: I, um. I really don't mind? I needed to get up anyway.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Beauregard💙: cool. cool cool cool. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Yasha🖤: Cool 😎 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Beauregard💙: cool 😎 </b>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Caduceus set a steaming mug of tea in front of Caleb, who hadn’t looked up from his textbook all morning. The scent of green tea and rose petals managed to rouse the wizard enough for him to raise his head and meet Cad’s eyes. Caleb smiled gratefully, reaching a hand out to wrap around the mug and holding it under his nose. “Thank you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Herr </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clay, it smells </span>
  <em>
    <span>lecker.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Caduceus beamed at Caleb and placed a sandwich in front of him as well. It looked like a mozzarella and tomato Panini. Caleb added this to his expansive list of evidence that Caduceus was, in fact, a wizard in disguise. A mind-reading wizard with illegal arcane powers that he used to take care of everyone around himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally, Caleb would take care to not blatantly study while at work, but he had finals coming up in a few weeks, and to say that Caleb was feeling a little stressed out was the under exaggeration of the century. Caleb was not </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly </span>
  </em>
  <span>aware of the last time he had slept. Caduceus had picked up on this (because of course Caduceus had picked up on it) and had told Caleb that as long as he looked busy while a customer was in the shop- and Cad had made a point that their group of friends did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>count as customers- he could study as much as he wanted while at work. Caduceus had suggested he take a few days off like Caleb had done last month during a few of his exams, but Caleb had refused point-blank. He and Nott needed the money and Caleb needed the distraction the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament </span>
  </em>
  <span>provided. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb, preoccupied with his Dunamancy textbook, still hadn’t touched his sandwich when the chime sounded and announced the appearance of customers. Caleb dragged his eyes away from an interesting passage, marked his place with a crumpled bit of receipt paper, and smiled when the patrons turned out to be Molly and Yasha. Yasha approached the register first with Molly nearly disappearing behind the tall woman. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Guten Morgen,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yasha and Mollymauk. What can I get for you today?” Molly peeked his head around from behind Yasha’s back, an amused look on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t quite think it's morning still darling,” Molly said as he came around to stand next to Yasha, “if that is what you said. None of us </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>speak Zemnian, darling.” Caleb had been in the process of taking a sip of his tea, took a look at what Molly was wearing (a pair of black leggings and a sheer mesh back top), and proceeded to choke and try to swallow his own tongue. Setting the mug down and turning scarlet, Caleb put one fist over his mouth and coughed loudly several times. Caduceus heard the noise and came out from the back room, his face a mask of concern as he saw Caleb red-faced and dying, Molly leaning over the counter worriedly, and Yasha with her head in her hands- most likely praying to the Stormlord for patience. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is… everything all right out here…?” Caduceus hesitantly asked Yasha, expecting her to be the one with the most reason of the three. She sighed deeply before nodding. Caleb had managed to dodge Molly’s hovering hands and find his misplaced lungs, desperately gasping out </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘wrong pipe’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>before grabbing a napkin and disappearing into it. Caduceus made a noise of understanding before turning to wipe down a nearby counter. He eyed Caleb’s uneaten sandwich with a small, troubled frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly and Yasha ordered tea and coffee respectively, and as Caleb moved down to the end of the bar to start on their drinks, Caduceus took the opportunity to eavesdrop on his friends’ conversation by washing the dishes. Contrary to popular belief, Cad wasn’t actually a saint. Although Jester's last Wintercrest gift for him </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>been really funny and convincing Fjord he’d taken a vow of chastity in honor of the Wildmother had been surprisingly easy. He probably should tell him that was a joke soon. Probably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is studying for finals going, darling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you know Mister Mollymauk. Pretty much </span>
  <em>
    <span>Scheiße,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but that is, ah, nothing new. How is that chest piece going? The client is coming back tomorrow to finish the linework, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ja?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes,</span>
  </em>
  <span> darling! It’s been challenging, but lovely. Have you actually been taking care of yourself in between fits of Dunamancy or…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb made a noncommittal noise. Caduceus knew what that noise meant, and looking at Molly’s quickly concealed grimace, so did the tiefling. Molly’s eyes darted to the abandoned Panini next to Caleb’s textbook by the cash register, tail swishing back and forth behind him in a contemplative manner. “What kind of sandwich is that, darling?” Caleb flushed guilty, twisting a coffee stirrer in his hands over and over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, that is a, uhm, a mozzarella, and tomato Panini I believe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t Paninis supposed to be warm, darling?” Molly had mastered the casual indifference in his voice to make it seem like he was just teasing Caleb, not prying for anything deeper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, usually yes. I, ah, I forgot. About it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly hummed a little, and Caduceus looked up to see the tiefling staring at him. Molly tilted his head towards the sandwich almost imperceptibly. Caduceus nodded his head behind Caleb’s back and moved to rewarm it while Molly roped Caleb and Yasha into an anecdote about a customer that had come into the tattoo shop the other week requesting a Jacob’s ladder without an appointment. It provided a very well-placed distraction for Cad, considering the rapt horror on both Yasha and Caleb’s face as Molly gesticulated obscenely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Caleb handed Molly his tea and Yasha her coffee, Molly was finishing up his story, “- and the guy was just wailing and wailing, right? But the best part was the needle hadn’t even gone anywhere near his dick yet!” Caleb looked thoroughly curious and repelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what did he do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he left, darling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha made a slightly disgusted noise, “I just do not see the appeal of subjecting yourself to all of those needles so close to your dick.” Molly leaned against her arm and wiggled his eyebrows at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, darling, it’s more of a return on investment strategy,” Caleb made a choked noise in the back of his throat and cursed in Zemnian, “not that </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>would know of course. Tieflings don’t need that sort of thing.” Molly winked at Caleb in an ambiguous and over-exaggerated manner that was completely unconvincing. Caduceus placed the reheated sandwich in front of the blushing wizard. Thankful for a distraction, Caleb picked up the Panini and took a large bite out of it, and nodded his head in thanks to the firbolg, completely missing Molly’s relieved smile. Caduceus, of course, did not.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Nott had the day off, so she decided to spend it at the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament </span>
  </em>
  <span>with Caleb. Caleb had finished finals at the beginning of last month, so he was enjoying the time off, having decided not to take any courses over the summer. Nott had been really pleased with seeing the weight slowly lifting of the wizard’s shoulders and the eye bags disappearing. She knew why he worked as hard as he did, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. Of course, he still could eat more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott sat at a stool catty-corner to the cash register, talking with Beau while Caleb washed dishes and munched on a bear claw. She wasn’t usually a huge fan of sweet things but Caduceus had made them specifically for her and they were very good; they were filled with some kind of meat that tasted a little like rat. Caleb was humming a little Zemnian lullaby under his breath as he dried a mug, making Nott smile a little. He’d come more and more out of his shell, the more he hung around their little group of weirdos and Nott was very glad for it. Caleb might not think that he deserved good things in life, but he did. He was a good person and he deserved good things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two very warm purple arms draped themselves over Nott’s shoulders, yanking Nott from her thoughts and causing the little goblin to jump and shriek, dropping her bear claw. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Darling! </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s been much too long, and here I thought you were avoiding me!” Mollymauk Tealeaf pressed his cheek to Nott’s, completely unafraid of the mouthful of sharp teeth she was baring. Yasha sighed in resignation at her best friend’s antics, waving a greeting to Beau and Caleb. Caleb gave Molly an equally pained and amused smile. Molly winked at the wizard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Get-your-fuckin’-hands-off-me-Mollymauk-Tealeaf-or-I-will-cut-you!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nott hissed, trying to twist out of the now vice-like hug the tiefling had wrapped her in. Beau had tears leaking from her eyes in her attempt to keep her laughter internal, knowing Nott would launch herself across the counter as soon as she released herself from Molly. Yasha was wisely watching the entire encounter from several feet back, close enough to intervene should she need to but far enough away that in the event Nott actually managed to grab the pocket knife she definitely had stashed away, Yasha would remain unmarred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Schatz,</span>
  </em>
  <span> please- ah, please do not stab Mister Mollymauk. Molly, please release Nott. She is not joking about cutting you and she is armed. Even though I have asked her not to be in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Herr </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clay’s shop,” Caleb held up two pleading hands to his friends, wishing Fjord and his excellent diplomatic skills were here. Molly grinned at Caleb and held his arms out to his sides, very quickly stepping away from Nott’s swinging fists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything for you, darling,” Molly said with a wink. Caleb’s smile twisted a little at that and behind Molly, his tail dropped slightly before perking up again. Nott narrowed her eyes at the tiefling suspiciously. “Could we get two large coffees, please darling?” Caleb hummed an acknowledgment and moved to start making them while Beau and Yasha struck up a conversation. Molly picked idly at the spade end of his tail and stared off into space, not really listening. Yasha glanced down at him before Beau asked her a question and she was pulled back into talking with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott was still glowering at Molly after Caleb handed off the coffees, so the wizard nudged her slightly, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Alles in Ordnung, Schatz?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott, still observing Molly, responded, “He isn’t giving you, like, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>vibe?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Caleb snorted softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is just Molly being Molly,” Caleb brushed Molly’s behavior off with a wave of his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>flirting </span>
  </em>
  <span>with you, Caleb!” Nott whisper-hissed at Caleb, who tried to blink his eyes but it came out more like a full-body jolt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be ridiculous, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Schatz. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Molly wouldn’t flirt with </span>
  <em>
    <span>me- </span>
  </em>
  <span>and besides. He’s Molly, he flirts with everyone. He was just flirting with you when he came into the shop.” Nott made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat, continuing to watch the tiefling. Nott did not miss Caleb’s self-deprecating tone, nor the undercurrent of wistfulness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly sipped idly at his coffee, not really participating in Beau and Yasha’s conversation but knowing just from glancing over at Caleb and Nott that he wasn’t welcome to butt into theirs. Something dark and ugly that he tried to keep hidden lifted its head at the thought of being so unwelcome. He drifted over to the bookshelves, running his fingers down the brightest colored spines. He wasn’t much of a reader, he preferred audiobooks or when Yasha would read to him, but he didn’t really want to stand at the counter and be the third wheel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. Molly knew, logically, that he was but that didn’t stop the stupid twisting and aching feeling in his stomach or the spontaneous desire to distance himself from his friends. Molly chuckled hollowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>In the Belly of Dragons’</span>
  </em>
  <span> particularly, ah, funny?” Caleb’s voice, soft and accented voice next to Molly, startled him out of his steadily darkening thoughts. Blushing a dark purple, he pulled his hand away from the book. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t know, darling, can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading it.” Caleb hummed a little, reaching past Molly to pull it out. He flipped through it a little bit, piercing blue eyes scanning the pages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good. There’s a bear in it.” Molly laughed, a genuine smile lighting his features.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all it takes for a book to be good darling- a bear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It certainly doesn’t hurt.” Molly laughed again, looking into Caleb’s eyes again. He felt a flush spread across his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably head back towards the others. I’m pretty sure Nott’ll accuse me of defiling you behind the shelves and you </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>say she was armed,” Molly blurted out, awkwardly, before he said anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>else. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Caleb rolled his blue eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not think even she would believe you’d lower your standards to that, Mister Mollymauk, but we won’t risk your pretty face,” the ginger said with a slightly self-deprecating smile as he made his way back towards the counter. Molly let out of a frustrated huff of breath and followed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott, who had been hiding behind a bookshelf while Caleb and Molly had been talking, thunked her head against a wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Fjord ambled into the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament</span>
  </em>
  <span>, smiling a greeting to Caleb and Beau before he froze. His face twisted up painfully before he sneezed once. Twice. Three times. By the fourth he managed to aim into the crook of his elbow, holding his other hand up in an apology to his friends. Peering up at them with watery eyes, Beau looked </span>
  <em>
    <span>maniacal </span>
  </em>
  <span>with mirth and Caleb just looked worried. Fjord wiped his nose off on his sleeve, earning disgusted grimaces from both of his friends. “Dorry about dat,” Fjord apologized, voice thick, “is Frubking ‘ere, by any changce?” Fjord winced at how badly he had butchered the question. Beau smirked and Caleb nodded guiltily.</span>
</p><p><span>“Ah, </span><em><span>ja,</span></em> <em><span>es tut mir Leid </span></em><span>Fjord, he is. Do you-”</span></p><p>
  <span>“Nah, don’t worry about it Caleb, Fjord’s just a </span>
  <em>
    <span>weenie,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Beau was lifting a goading eyebrow at the half-orc, who had just stifled another sneeze and levied a glare at the girl. “Caleb just started classes again, and he needed his emotional support cat. Also, I’m almost positive Deucy missed him, because he asked about him, like, four times in two weeks. I think he’s going to make him a little kitty apron soon.” Beau beamed in absolute delight at Fjord’s misery as he sneezed again. Caleb handed the poor man a napkin, cringing in sympathy as he blew his nose several times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, sorry about that guys, I didn’t know it’d be that bad today,” Fjord rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, the tip of his nose rubbed raw from sneezing and blowing it. Beau rummaged under the counter and pulled out a bottle and tossed it to the half-orc, who fumbled it a bit before catching it. Reading the label he blinked in surprise, “Deuces keeps allergy potions around?” Fjord asked, uncorking the bottle and downing the entire thing with a grimace, sticking his tongue out at the medicinal flavor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Caleb’s got fuckin’ terrible seasonals and he found out about Jester’s shellfish the hard way,” Beau shrugged “Last month, Nott had a day off- I think I was telling you how she totally tried to stab Molly, remember? - yeah, after that Caleb had a huge sneezing fit when Deucy brought in clippings from this huge tree peony and he’s kept a few bottles under the counter ever since.” The effect of the potion was almost immediate, the stuffiness in his nose subsiding and the desperate need to rub his eyes going away. He sighed in relief, thanking Beau. She punched him on the shoulder and went to go make his drink. Caleb bent down to pick up Frumpkin, draping the purring cat around his shoulders. Fjord eyed the beast warily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat down at the end of the bar, chatting with Beau while Caleb read a book with his cat around his shoulder. The farther away from Frumpkin Fjord managed to stay, the better. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>So… </span>
  </em>
  <span>” Fjord began, drawing the word out into a several syllable affair, “tree peonies, huh?” The tips of Beau’s ears turned pink and if she hadn’t been in the process of pouring Fjord’s coffee, she probably would have tried to hit him again. “What’s the genus for that? Species? Or should we wait until </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yasha </span>
  </em>
  <span>shows- All right! All right! I’m shuttin’ up now. No need to get hostile.” Fjord grinned as he took his coffee from Beau and went to put cream and sugar in it. Beau muttered under her breath about loyalty, causing Fjord to laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chime sounded again, and Molly’s jovial voice called out to his friends as he flounced into the shop. Fjord watched as Caleb hid a grin into Frumpkin’s fur as the wizard turned toward the cash register. Fjord waved a greeting to Yasha, who stifled a yawn behind her fist. He winced in sympathy. She had a late night at the bar the previous night- something about a gnome and a goliath barbarian getting plastered and the goliath had attempted to seduce everything in sight. Things had turned ugly when the gnome’s wife had shown up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly gave a rather Jester-like squeal upon seeing Frumpkin, launching himself over the counter to pet him. “And how is the most handsome man in all of Exandria doing today?” Molly cooed, scratching Frumpkin between his ears. Caleb chuckled, looking fondly down at Molly and Frumpkin. “I wasn’t talking to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Frumpkin,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Molly stage-whispered up at Caleb with a wink, watching as a blush stained the wizard’s cheeks. Fjord rolled his eyes and started to turn away from Molly and his antics but stopped when Caleb snorted loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Frumpkin is doing just fine, Mister Mollymauk, </span>
  <em>
    <span>danke,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Caleb crossed his eyes at Yasha over Molly’s shoulder before turning to Beau to help make Molly and Yasha’s drinks. Fjord noticed a flicker of… </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>cross Molly’s face before he managed to conceal it with his characteristic smirk. Fjord caught Yasha’s eye and she just gave him a helpless little shrug. Right. Asking the disaster lesbian for clarification… not exactly the best move. Fjord turned to look at Beau and… yeah. No. Also not exactly a winning source of help, considering the woman just tried to </span>
  <em>
    <span>subtly flex her muscles at Yasha while pouring her coffee. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Wildmother help him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly and Yasha made their way to where Fjord was sitting, and the half-orc lifted his coffee in greeting. Yasha and Beau kept up a steady flow of conversation, both of them trying to complement each other and failing miserably. Normally Molly would hop in and rib Beau, but the tiefling was fiddling with the spade end of his tail idly and staring off into space. Fjord bumped him with his shoulder, cocking his head to the side when Molly turned to look at him. “You all right, Molls?” Molly gave Fjord his classic bullshit smile and a classic Mollymauk nonsense answer. Fjord narrowed his eyes a little bit at the tiefling, but Molly, sensing that Fjord wanted to talk about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Real Feelings,</span>
  </em>
  <span> launched himself into Beau and Yasha’s conversation. Fjord sighed through his nose. He caught Caleb’s eye and the wizard smiled thinly at him. Sweet Wildmother, no one was doing alright today, were they? Fjord had a feeling it was all for the same reason.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Cayyyleb</span>
  </em>
  <span>! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Beauuu! Caaaduuuceuuusss! </span>
  </em>
  <span>I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>dying </span>
  <em>
    <span>probably </span>
  </em>
  <span>and the only cure is </span>
  <em>
    <span>lots of attention </span>
  </em>
  <span>and also </span>
  <em>
    <span>pastries,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jester announced loudly as she swung the door to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament of Faith </span>
  </em>
  <span>open, nearly knocking over two customers as they exited, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh! </span>
  </em>
  <span>I am so sorry! I would normally </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>not accidentally knock people over but I’m- oh they’re gone.” Jester shrugged, unaffected. She turned back to her three friends at the counter, displaying very large purple puppy-dog eyes. She sniffled for good measure. Beau nodded her head sagely and patted the counter in front of her while Caleb sighed deeply, wondering which god would answer his prayer for patience, considering he was not a spiritual man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry, Jester, that you are dying. Would you like hot chocolate with your pastries? Would that stop you from dying a slow and also painful death?” Caleb asked, deadpan. Jester flopped dramatically into a stool in front of the bar, laying her head down on the granite, and nodded as best as she would, lower lip wobbling. She wasn’t able to cry on command, but she made up for that fact with enthusiasm and an excess of sniffling. Beau started making hot chocolate while Caleb started pulling one of every pastry out of the glass display case and putting them in the toaster oven. Jester rarely had time to come over when Caduceus was baking first thing in the morning, working as a healer she had very long and odd hours, but her friends made a special case for her to heat up whatever she ordered. “Now, are you also dying for any other reason or is it just neglect and hunger?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester didn’t make eye contact with her friends as she dug a crayon out of the pocket of her dress pocket and started doodling on a stray napkin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course,</span>
  </em>
  <span> it happened to be a red crayon. Beau set a large mug of hot chocolate down in front of her, loaded up with whipped cream and chocolate shavings. Jester sniffled and this time it wasn’t fake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Oh, well… you know… it’s just, um. It’s-just-that-it’s-my-mom’s-birthday-today-and-I-can’t-see-her-and-stuff-because-of-the-whole-’kicked-out-of-Nicodramas-thing’-but-you-guys-totally-don’t-have-to-worry-it’s-like-really-stupid-don’t-even-worry-about-it-I’m-totally-fine-when-are-those-pastries-gonna-be-ready-Cayleb?” Jester crumpled up the hasty doodle of a very pretty red tiefling with lots of little red hearts and stuffed it into the pocket of her dress as she scrubbed at the corner of her eye with the palm of her hand. She sniffed loudly again. Jester wouldn’t look at Beau or Caleb. She reached out and took a big gulp of hot chocolate, almost scalding her throat. “This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>good Beau, did Caddy get a new recipe for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pleasant chime indicating a customer sounded throughout the store, and Yasha’s quiet greeting cut Jester off. Jester plastered on a grin and spun around in her stool. She raised her hands above her head and cheered in greeting. Molly preened in response, hugging the girl back when she launched herself at him, but made eye contact with Caleb and raised his eyebrows in a silent question of “</span>
  <em>
    <span> what’s wrong? </span>
  </em>
  <span>” while Jester had her head buried somewhere in Molly’s torso. Caleb shrugged helplessly and mouthed, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>her mom”</span>
  </em>
  <span> back. Molly grimaced before squeezing and pulling away from Jester, flouncing up to the counter. He was wearing a black crop top that said “Worst Behavior” on it and a pair of ripped black skinny jeans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, could you get us two very large coffees? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Terribly </span>
  </em>
  <span>long night,” Molly winked at Caleb, whose face sort of twisted a little bit as if he’d stubbed his toe behind the counter. It was a brief flash of pain that was quickly concealed. Beau, who had been pulling the pastries for Jester out of the oven, tried to straighten up too soon, hit her head loudly, almost dropped the tray, and swore colorfully. Beauregard was always less subtle than Caleb. “Someone ought to wash your mouth out with soap, Beauregard. Did Fjord teach you those words?” Beau set the tray on the counter, rubbing the back of her head churlishly and glaring at the lavender tiefling. Jester was bouncing up and down on balls of her feet behind Molly excitedly, squealing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my </span>
  <em>
    <span>gods</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Molly were you and Yasha </span>
  <em>
    <span>you know </span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jester made several ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>hmm</span>
  </em>
  <span>’-ing noises and a few obscene gestures for good measure, completely oblivious to how constipated Beau’s smile was, or how steadfastly Caleb was not looking at anyone, “obviously, like, not with </span>
  <em>
    <span>each other </span>
  </em>
  <span>because you’re like totally almost like brother and sister almost and that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>super gross </span>
  </em>
  <span>but you </span>
  <em>
    <span>saiiid </span>
  </em>
  <span>you had a super long night, Molly, and you definitely </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>to tell me everything or I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>going to die! </span>
  </em>
  <span>'' Molly laughed, tweaking Jester’s nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A tiefling never kisses and tells, love.” Jester pouted at Molly, gripping his arm rather hard and shaking him a little bit as he moved down to the bar. Jester sat down in her seat again and grabbed a warm pastry, thanking a now subdued Beau and dunking it into her hot chocolate. She turned over-large purple eyes onto Molly, pleading at him to spill his secret affair with her. Molly ignored her, leaning on his elbows and trying to catch Caleb’s eye, but the wizard had his back to the group and he was wiping down the clean counter near the register. Molly frowned a little bit and rubbed at his chest. Beau muttered something under her breath and Molly pulled his gaze away from Caleb, lifting his brows at his friend, “Something caught in your throat, Unpleasant One?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing at all, Oblivious One,” Beau smirked at Molly, who blinked uncomprehendingly at her. Jester’s eyes bounced between her two friends before she tossed her hands up into the air, spraying a fine layer of crumbs over the counter and causing Caleb to mutter a curse under his breath that had nothing to do with the mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand what’s going on!” Jester looked up at Yasha petulantly. Yasha smiled down at the blue tiefling benevolently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Jester. I usually do not understand what is happening when I’m around Mollymauk. Also, our late night was because suddenly Molly decided we had to watch the entirety of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tusk Love </span>
  </em>
  <span>series all in one sitting. Including the movies. It was… a lot. I did not know Oskar had to be half-naked so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stunned silence met Yasha’s calm statement. Beau’s eyes searched Yasha’s face for any bullshit, knowing she wouldn’t find any there. Her mismatched eyes seemed to be trying to convey several messages to Beau at once, without the use of words. Beau was pretty sure she understood, as pink dusted the tips of her ears and she spun around quickly to hide her pleased grin. Jester gasped in delight and leaned into Molly’s suddenly very rigid form next to her, going on and on about how she thought that Molly had absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>no interest </span>
  </em>
  <span>in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tusk Love </span>
  </em>
  <span>and how she thought he only watched it during Movie Nights because he thought it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid </span>
  </em>
  <span>like Nott did, while Molly steadily turned brighter and brighter shades of purple. Caleb still had his back to the group, and was still wiping down the same spot of countertop- even though his rag was dry and the countertop had been clean before he started. If one looked hard enough at the wizard, the violent red shade of his ears and cheeks was just noticeable through the fall of his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, because Jester’s heart was the size of the entirety of Zadash, and because she had an endless love for her friends- she </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>notice this. Jester also noticed Molly notice this. Jester noticed him rub at that stupid spot on his chest again, as he watched Caleb while pretending he wasn’t. Suddenly, her very gloomy day didn’t seem </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite </span>
  </em>
  <span>so bad.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭 added StormChaser and FightClub to a group chat.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭 renamed group chat to Super Secret Group Chat</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: Jessie wtf is this about</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: ok this is definitely totally not about a purple tiefling and a “ginger zemnian god”</b>
</p><p>
  <b>StormChaser: I really have asked Molly to stop referring to Caleb as that.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: SHHHH NO YASHA WE HAVE TO USE CODE NAMES</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: THIS IS A VERY SECRET GROUP CHAT WE HAVE TO USE VERY SECRET CODE NAMES</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: i am about to have a very secret migraine</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: omg beauuuuu u have to have like totally seeeeen the way he loooooooks at him like its so totally obvious</b>
</p><p>
  <b>StormChaser: Molly is very obvious.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: i mean yeah Caleb’s got it bad</b>
</p><p>
  <b>StormChaser: Wait.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: wait</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: WAIT!!!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: ALSO YOU ARE BOTH NOT USING THE CODE NAMES YOU ARE BOTH NO FUN</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭 added 💚💚Oskar💚💚 and Brew-Tea-ful Deucy to Super Secret Group Chat</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: FJORD!!! CADUCEUS!!! TELL YASHA AND ALSO BEAU THAT THEY HAVE TO USE THE CODE NAMES BECAUSE ITS SUPER SECRET AND THAT THEYRE BEING LIKE NO FUN AT ALL!!!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: i have</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: genuinely no idea what youre goin on about Jessie</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: but sure</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: use the code names</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Brew-Tea-ful Deucy: What ARE the code names, Miss Jester?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: fuck</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: im leaving</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: NOOO BEAU WAIT DONT GO</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: HOLD ON WE ALL CAN THINK OF THEM</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: ITLL BE TOTALLY GREAT</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Brew-Tea-ful Deucy: I can speak for myself, and possibly for Mr. Fjord, when I say</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Brew-Tea-ful Deucy: I have no idea what's happening. I cannot read the previous messages of the group chat, just the ones following to being added.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: damn shit ok</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: recap - Jester is meddling</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: oh so this is about caleb and molly then</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: jesus fucking</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: *GASP* SO YOU SEE IT TOO FJORD???</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Brew-Tea-ful Deucy: I believe that everyone can see /it/. Except, perhaps, Mister Caleb and Mister Mollymauk.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: CADDY YOU’RE NOT USING THE CODE NAMES :( :( :(</b>
</p><p>
  <b>StormChaser: You still haven’t made those yet, Jester.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: shit.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: if were just gonna talk about caleb and molly like this with everyone in here why dont we just add nott</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: that is a very bad idea beau</b>
</p><p>
  <b>StormChaser: I think that would end very badly, Beau.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Brew-Tea-ful Deucy: I don’t think Ms. Nott would take the developing relationship between Mister Caleb and Mister Mollymauk as well as we all are. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA BEAU</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭 added WatsonToMySherlock to Super Secret Group Chat</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: fuck.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: NOTT!! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>WatsonToMySherlock: what the fuck is this? maybedontrespondtothismessage</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: we made a super secret chat to talk about caleb and molly because they totally like each other! Like like like each other and we were trying to come up with code names for them because its a super secret group chat so they need super secret code names and because you know caleb the best youd be the best at coming up with a code name for him so what do you think his code name should be?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub: fuck</b>
</p><p>
  <b>💚💚Oskar💚💚: fuck</b>
</p><p>
  <b>StormChaser: Fuck.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Brew-Tea-ful Deucy:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Brew-Tea-ful Deucy: Fuck.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: nott are you there?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: shes probably just taking a really long time to think about a really good name you guys</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: </b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: oh wait</b>
</p><p>
  <b>WatsonToMySherlock: I! WILL! STAB! ALL! OF! YOU!!!!!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FightClub left Super Secret Group Chat</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: COWARD!!!</b>
</p><p><b>💚💚Oskar💚💚 , StormChaser</b> <b>and Brew-Tea-ful Deucy left Super Secret Group Chat</b></p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: YOURE ALL COWARDS</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭: ok nott maybe just like totally forget this entire thing happened we all love also like you definitely cant bring any knives to caddys shop probably love you bye</b>
</p><p>
  <b>🍭🍭VeryStrong🍭🍭 left Super Secret Group Chat</b>
</p><p>
  <b>WatsonToMySherlock: idiots. theyre all idiots. all of them. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>WatsonToMySherlock left Super Secret Group Chat</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you. Please take the montage of fluff that this chapter is and hold it to your chest, tightly. Hopefully, it will last you through the next several chapters…<br/>I encourage you to tell me when I’ve spelled something wrong or made an error in general! Each time it happens, I get another cheat code. I have no idea what the cheat codes are for. They come to me in the mail, unlabeled with no return address. I am too afraid to attempt them.<br/>Credit for Molly’s outfit <a href="https://julcreates.tumblr.com/post/175716479100/some-molly-in-modern-clothes-with-lots-of-sparkles">here</a>. I live for looking up amazing artists’ interpretations of things the good, good circus man would have worn. I miss him.<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Motherwort and Hawthorn Berry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you. Warnings for this chapter: a nightmare. If reading this is upsetting for you, please don’t! No worries. I’ll see you in the next chapter, and if I don’t then it was just the way the ball bounces. My ball was a rainbow bouncy ball from the gashapon at the Dollar Store. Yours was a very nice soccer ball. I bounced mine too much and it got lost under the couch.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Thin, malicious hands clawed at Caleb Widogast’s throat. No. He wasn’t Caleb Widogast.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thin, malicious hands clawed at Bren Ermendrud’s throat. “You know what to do, Bren,” that sick voice hissed and Bren sobbed, and begged, and pleaded but it wasn’t any good. It was never any good because Bren was trapped in a world where all the good had been leached out long ago. “You know what to do, Bren,” the voice hissed, and fire raced up his arms, burning away all feeling until Bren wasn’t even Bren anymore. He was an empty vessel, a tool, a worm, a thing to use, to carve out the diseased flesh of the Empire. He stopped struggling. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bren listened. He did what he was told. He muffled his sobs into his torn and wretched arms, the twisted flesh ruined by the invasion of power that was never meant to be there. Bren knew what to do and he did it. Coldly. Callously. Malicious hands turned softer and the sick voice eased- but never forgot. Eyes always watching, waiting for a slip, a crack, any sign that Bren was weak again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You know what to do, Bren.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Fire, hot and evil, came easily- it always did for Bren- and the thin, malicious hands pet the back of Bren’s head almost lovingly. It was wrong and Bren knew it. Bren stopped struggling. Bren listened. Bren did what he was told. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “They’re traitors, Bren.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bren released the fire and tried to block out the screams. He never could. He tried not to look at the thing that was once a person but isn’t even a body anymore. He would never be able to forget. A curse and blessing. Bren stopped struggling. Bren listened. Bren did what he was told. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “This is what you’ve been training for, Bren.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bren was nothing but an empty vessel. Bren was nothing but a tool. Bren was nothing but a worm. Bren stopped struggling. Bren listened. Bren did what he was told. Until Bren couldn’t. Until Bren broke. And Bren broke. And Bren broke. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He’s a traitor, Bren, and you know what to do.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Scarlet eyes swam before him, rivers of blood flowing down lavender cheeks and a soft voice was begging him to stay, not to do it. Telling him he was alright. Telling him he was good. A purple hand reached out, kind and soft. Bren didn’t deserve it. Bren burst into flame. Bren broke. Bren broke. Bren broke. And Bren took the last good thing in this world down with him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Scarlet eyes never closed. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Caleb shot awake in his bed, sweat pouring down his face and his fist shoved in his mouth in a desperate bid to stop himself from screaming. He sat there for several long minutes that he was not able to keep track of, chest heaving. Caleb wished, pathetically he thought, that he did not have the memory that he did. Then he would not have to remember every detail of every nightmare that had been plaguing him for the past seven months. Ever since he’d glimpsed… <em> him </em>on that damn news station his own nightmares had been getting more and more frequent. Caleb had hoped that the sleepy tea Caduceus had gotten him would have helped- and it had- but he ran out of it several days ago and he didn’t think it’d be wise to ask for more. That would lead to more questions from his friend, questions he wouldn’t be able to answer.</p><p>Two nights ago Mollymauk had started to star in his nightmares and Caleb was terrified. He didn’t know what it meant, except perhaps that he was getting too close to the group of weirdos he’d befriended. It was dangerous, entirely too dangerous, how much Caleb had started to care about them all. And <em> Molly…  </em>Every night for the past two nights Caleb killed Molly.  </p><p>The longer Caleb stayed stationary, the greater danger he placed not only himself in but Nott, Molly, and the rest of his friends in as well. A sick and terrifying feeling roiled around in Caleb’s stomach. Caleb’s hands dug under his shirt and clutched at the necklace he never took off, thumb rubbing soothing circles into the gem. Caleb, instead of counting backward from fifteen, started listing off steps to his escape plan. He had a backpack and cat carrier stashed under his bed. In his backpack was a change of clothes for him and Nott. A week’s worth of cat food for Frumpkin. As much money as he could possibly save. Two bus tickets. Two fake IDs. An envelope with a letter addressed to six people. Caleb’s breathing eventually evened out.</p><p>Caleb rolled out of bed with a groan. He wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep tonight, and even if he could, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Caleb thought for a second. It was 2:06 in the morning. He had a little less than four hours before he could reasonably start getting ready for work. He looked at his bedside table and grabbed his Transmutation textbook, figuring he might as well get some work done if he was going to be up.</p><p>Frumpkin curled up at the foot of the bed, lifted his head up as Caleb quietly padded out of the bedroom. He meowed in a concerned, cat-like manner before getting up with a stretch and following his human.</p><p>Nott woke up several hours later to see Caleb hunched over his textbook, reading and highlighting the book by the one reading lamp at the kitchen table. She frowned worriedly. “Good morning, Cay Cay,” she started cautiously. Caleb jumped a little, turning in his seat and looking at her through bleary eyes. “How long have you been up…?” Nott started to move towards the fridge to make breakfast. Caleb looked into the middle distance, realizing it was 6:18. He blinked guiltily at his friend, rubbing the back of his neck.</p><p>“Ah… not long, <em> Schatz… </em> I, ah, I had some more… studying to do....” Caleb trailed off unconvincingly. Nott frowned into the eggs she was scrambling on the stove. She made a noise that told him she was entirely unconvinced. Caleb, feeling himself get slightly drowsy, started to turn back to his book. He lost track of time again, losing himself in the pages of Transmutation magic until the slight <em>clink </em>of a plate being set in front of him and the scent of food wafting through the small kitchen brought his eyes upwards again. Caleb’s eyes met Nott’s over-large yellow ones. She still looked troubled. “I am all right, <em> Schatz, </em> I just wanted to get an early start on this assignment before work. I won’t strain myself too much, <em> ja? </em>” Nott nodded her head slowly, chewing on a fatty piece of bacon. Caleb took a big bite of scrambled eggs to appease her and she smiled at him.</p><p>They ate in silence for a little while, before Nott had to leave for work and Caleb had to start getting ready as well. Caleb slipped his Transmutation and Dunamancy books into his bag, figuring he could spend his extra minutes at the shop today studying. Anything would be better than thinking about the night he’d had. Exhaustion pulled at him, and his nerves already felt frayed but Caleb would just have to push past it.</p>
<hr/><p>Caleb was sitting on a stool at the cash register, staring at his open Dunamancy textbook, but not absorbing any of the information. His eyes weren’t even moving across the page. Beau and Caduceus had taken one look at the wizard and wordlessly made him the largest coffee they could and given him a stool to sit on. Then they’d promptly left him alone. No prying questions, no incessant “are you okay?'' Caleb wasn’t sure he knew the words in Common for how grateful he was for that, for their understanding of what he needed today. He didn't deserve them- their friendship- he knew that, but Caleb was incredibly grateful. </p><p>The chime that indicated customers sounded throughout the shop. Normally it was very pleasant, but today it just grated on Caleb’s very frayed and tired nerves. He looked up and tried to plaster on his customer service smile, but it morphed into a genuine and relieved one when the customers turned out to be Molly and Yasha. Caleb pushed the vision of wide open and dead scarlet eyes that his brain supplemented away violently. <em> Not now, not now, not now </em>he thought desperately. Molly was very subdued today, in color block sweatpants and a very tight black t-shirt. Yasha was wearing jeans and her boots again. Caleb even managed a light and tired chuckle at the noise Beau made next to him. </p><p>“Good morning, Caleb,” Yasha said, smiling at Beau. Beau, who was flipping an empty to-go cup, fumbled it and disappeared under the counter to retrieve it. <em> Not </em>to hide the fact that she was blushing. Caleb sighed deeply. Molly grinned and draped himself nearly all the way across the counter, lolling his head to look up at Caleb from underneath his lashes. Caleb’s heart kicked into overdrive and he blamed it on the lack of sleep and too much coffee. He really would <em>not </em>be able to handle Molly’s flirtatious personality today. It would be just another reminder that he wouldn’t ever be good enough for someone like Molly, that Molly would only ever interact with Caleb like this in a joking manner, and while normally Caleb would be able to compartmentalize that, be able to push those thoughts into a tiny corner of his brain and distract himself, today Caleb was tired. Caleb was so, <em> so </em>tired.</p><p>“Good morning, Mister Caleb,” Molly purred and Caleb gave Molly a tight-lipped smile before turning to Yasha, raising his eyebrows and asking without words what she would like to order. Molly was only able to conceal the look of sheer <em>hurt </em>that flashed across his face through his few years of lying and bullshitting his way through life, but Yasha was very attuned to Molly and Beau had been looking very closely at the tiefling, so they both caught it. Beau scowled a little and Yasha’s smile slipped slightly. “Oh, we’ll take two large coffees, darling.” Molly winked at the wizard, determined to act like nothing was wrong. ‘Fake it ‘till you make it’ was Molly’s policy, after all. Molly bumped Yasha with his tail, knowing without looking at her that she would be upset, and trying to convey that he was fine. Because he was fine. </p><p>Caleb sighed again. “I’m sorry, Mollymauk, I really just cannot deal with the fake flirting today if you please. I am exhausted.” Molly was not able to hide his flinch that time, but Caleb didn’t see it because he had his eyes closed and he was pinching the bridge of his nose in an irritated way Molly had never seen before. Something terrible that Molly <em>refused </em>to analyze twisted in his stomach, thinking about how in the seven months that they had known each other, Caleb had never been so upset at Molly before, and Molly didn’t even know what he did wrong. Molly bared his teeth at Caleb in the palest facsimile of a grin he’d ever attempted.</p><p>“Duly noted,” his voice sounded flat, even to himself. He turned away from Caleb without another word, walking stiffly down to the end of the bar and sitting with his back to the human. Yasha searched Caleb’s face for a few seconds with a troubled frown, but Caleb refused to meet her eyes, so she followed her friend to the other end of the store. Beau glared at Caleb and kicked his foot. Caleb didn’t look up at her and kept pretending to read his book. She kicked him again.</p><p>“Please stop, Beauregard. I really am tired.” Beau huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.</p><p>“Fine but you were kind of a dick to Molly.”</p><p>“I <em> am </em>kind of a dick. I am surprised that it took everyone this long to notice.” Caleb’s voice was resigned as if he was already expecting everyone to pull away from him. It was better this way. Dead, red eyes swam through Caleb’s vision. All that vibrancy, all of that life- gone. <em> His fault, his fault, his fault. </em> If everyone realized how terrible Caleb was <em>now, </em> they wouldn’t miss him when he was gone. They would want him to leave. It was better this way. Beau’s face twisted, unsure how to help Caleb if he wouldn’t even <em>tell </em>her what was wrong. She opened her mouth, but when no words of wisdom flew out, she moved down to go make Molly and Yasha’s coffees. Caleb let out a tiny sigh of relief. It was better this way. </p><p>Yasha and Molly were talking softly to each other. </p><p>“Darling, I’m <em>fine- </em>honestly,” Molly smiled unconvincingly at Yasha and shrugged, “can hardly blame him for me being a bit much, can I?” Yasha frowned. “Besides, that’s what boundaries are for. I made him uncomfortable, Yash, so I won’t do it again. Simple.”</p><p>“I really don’t think it is.”</p><p>“It has to be,” Molly said, voice a tad fragile. Yasha didn’t push.</p><p>Beau placed their coffees in front of them, unsure what to say, but Molly was just glad for the distraction. Something, <em> anything </em>to bring the attention away from himself in that moment was a blessing from the Moonweaver. His coffee tasted like dirt and his tongue was too heavy in his mouth but he forced himself to take several long sips of it, just to give himself something to do. He spun around in his stool, so his back was still to Caleb, but so he could study the rest of the store. There was only one other customer, a tall drow who was wandering through the shelves and aimlessly pulling a few books out only to put them back. </p><p>He was very handsome with his long, stark white hair pulled back into a low ponytail and his chiseled face. Molly hopped up off his stool, flashing a grin at his friends over his shoulder before making his way over to the man. He heard Yasha admonish him softly behind him, but he decided to pretend like he hadn’t heard her. He was just going to <em>fake flirt, </em> right? If this handsome drow wasn’t going to complain about then there wasn’t anything wrong with it. Molly wasn’t doing anything wrong.</p><p>The man had just put a random book back before he turned his head to look at Molly, giving the tiefling a slow once over. The drow’s face slowly broke out into a little smirk and Molly tried not to preen under the attention. “Hello,” the drow said, tilting his head at Molly. He didn’t have any accent. Molly blinked, wondering why that was the first thought he had about the man’s voice. It really was a nice voice. </p><p>“Hello, darling,” Molly purred, giving the man his best smile and leaning against the bookshelf. The drow’s smirk got wider.</p><p>“Is there anything I can help you with?” Sweet Moonweaver, this man was corny. Molly tried not to snort and to keep his flirtatious smile in place. Any thoughts he’d had about leaving with this man or getting his number left almost immediately, although if Molly was going to be honest with himself (and Molly was usually honest with himself, although he found that he’d been lying to himself more and more lately) he had never planned on it in the first place. However, this would make an excellent story to tell Jester later.</p><p>“I was just looking for a book, darling… ah, <em> that </em>one,” Molly pointed to one just behind the man with a wink. The drow tilted his head further, smiling.</p><p>“Well, don’t let me stand in your way,” he murmured and then didn’t move. Molly almost rolled his eyes but managed to keep his face in check. Molly was an unrepentant flirt, but at least he was good at it. This was just painful! Deciding that he had to at least commit to what he’d started, simply because he needed to see the look on Jester’s face when he recounted this for her later, Molly moved forward slowly before leaning his body into the drow and grabbing the book behind the man.</p><p>The drow was all sharp planes and hard muscles, and Molly’s mind briefly drifted to a very grumpy and skinny wizard at the counter when suddenly he felt very sick. Dropping the book back on the shelf, Molly took a quick step back, refusing to look at the man’s face in front of him. “Wrong book, sorry darling. Must have been mistaken.” He quickly returned back to his seat with his friends and his cold coffee. He snuck a glance at Caleb at the other end of the bar. Caleb’s hands were white-knuckled on his book, blue eyes boring into one spot on the page without moving. Molly pushed his coffee away, “I don’t quite feel as thirsty anymore, love,” Molly murmured to Yasha, “shall we go?” He wouldn’t look up at her, he couldn’t see the silent looks Yasha and Beau were passing.</p><p>“Of course, Molly. Goodbye, Beau.”</p><p>Molly felt Caleb’s eyes burning into his back the entire walk out of the shop. </p>
<hr/><p>Molly didn’t go to work that day or the next day. He also didn’t go with Yasha to the <em> Tea-stament. </em>Yasha didn’t say anything, didn’t push or pry, but he could tell she wanted to. </p><p>It was because he was feeling sick, <em> really. </em>He played it up, dressing in his worst pair of hole-riddled sweatpants and no shirt, sniffling and snuffling around the house, and making several mugs of motherwort and hawthorn berry tea. He wrapped a big blanket around his shoulders and gave Yasha large, red puppy eyes when she left for work. </p><p>Molly staying home had nothing to do with the sick, twisting feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about seeing Caleb again. Or the sick, twisting feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about Caleb in general. That had nothing to do with it at all.</p><p>Molly forgot sometimes, how young he was. Everyone did. Molly forgot more than anyone else because he was too busy pretending he was exactly like everyone else and trying so desperately to never think about it. Yasha almost never forgot, but she did on occasion. She’d say something and then blink very hard, and turn and look at Molly, almost through new eyes. As if she was realizing exactly how <em>young </em>six years old is. And it’s weird. Molly knew exactly how weird it was when he’d get very drunk and philosophical and allow himself enough room to actually <em>think </em>about it, how weird it was to only be six years old because anything before that didn’t exist but also didn’t matter.</p><p>Molly was young, and he was stupid, and he had no idea how to handle feelings that went deeper than a simple fucking or flirting. He refused to think about things too much because it would fill his chest with this buzzing panic and everything would distort in front of him, almost like he was looking through a fisheye lens. It was too close to how he felt that first year when he was <em>nothing </em>when he wasn’t Mollymauk Tealeaf when he was just <b> <em>Empty</em> </b>- so Molly never thought about things that were unpleasant. He’d push them deep down inside of himself until he got drunk enough at Jester’s and it was late and he was cuddled up to her on an air mattress and she would never say anything about it in the morning.</p><p>Molly treated the sick, twisting feeling he felt when he thought about how Caleb had looked at him in the <em> Tea-stament </em>yesterday, and then how Caleb <em>wouldn’t </em>look at him again, the same way he would any thought or feeling he didn’t want to analyze- he acted like it didn’t exist. He rescheduled his appointments for the week and didn’t change out of his clothes. He ordered a lot of take-out and ignored the worried looks from Yasha. He pretended he was sick. He pretended he was fine.</p><p>He re-watched the <em> Tusk Love </em>movies and tried not to think about the smell of Chai, or blue eyes, or how happy he’d been seven months ago drunk on Jester’s couch. </p>
<hr/><p>Caleb spent the entire night planning his apology to Mollymauk. He had rehearsed an entire speech, unsure exactly what Molly would say, but after seven months of speaking with him almost daily, Caleb was pretty sure how the tiefling would respond. Caleb had been an ass, he knew it, but Molly didn’t deserve Caleb’s black mood to be shoved onto him. Really, it was fine if Molly wanted to pretend to flirt with Caleb and then to actually flirt with a very handsome drow customer. It was fine. Molly hadn’t done anything wrong.</p><p>Caleb woke up early the next day, shoving his textbooks into his bag and skipping breakfast. He mopped the entire bookstore. He wiped down the counters and tabletops twice. He cleaned the espresso machine. He made himself a very large coffee because he had stayed up all night again, refusing to have another dream in which he killed anyone he cared about. He wiped down the counters again. He rehearsed his apology <em>again.  </em></p><p>Caleb waited anxiously for Yasha and Molly to come in, and when he finally saw Yasha’s tall form enter the shop, he barely restrained himself from peering behind her to search out one specific lavender tiefling. Caleb met Yasha’s mismatched eyes and she shook her head slightly. A shard of ice slipped into Caleb’s stomach. Molly hadn’t come with Yasha today.</p><p>There had to be a reason, though. It wasn’t… it wasn’t because he was avoiding Caleb, right? That wouldn’t be like Molly, who was always one to be the first to antagonize. Maybe he had an early appointment that Caleb forgot about. Caleb knew this was a lie he was telling himself, as his perfect memory could provide no previous conversation they’d had discussing an early appointment, and Molly was never one to wake up before noon in the first place.</p><p>Yasha sat in front of Beau, smiling softly and talking with her. Caleb couldn’t force himself to join them, to ask Yasha where Molly was. Caleb took his phone out of his apron and pulled up Molly’s contact.</p><p><b>🔥🔥</b> <b>GingerZemnianGod</b> <b>🔥🔥</b> <b>: Hallo, Mister Mollymauk.</b></p><p>Caleb deleted the message, shaking his head. That was horrible.</p><p><b>🔥🔥</b> <b>GingerZemnianGod</b> <b>🔥🔥</b> <b>: Hallo, Molly. I am sorry I missed you at the shop today.</b></p><p>Caleb huffed out a frustrated breath through his nose and deleted that message, too.</p><p><b>🔥🔥</b> <b>GingerZemnianGod</b> <b>🔥🔥</b> <b>: I saw you were not with Yasha at the shop, today. Are you feeling alright?</b></p><p>Caleb cursed under his breath in Zemnian and shoved his phone back in his pocket. Obviously, Molly wasn’t at the shop for a reason, and trying to convince himself that he wasn’t the cause was futile. If he tried to text Molly, he would probably just ignore him anyway. Molly must have finally realized that Caleb is more trouble than he is worth. Caleb doesn’t blame Molly. <em> Scarlet red eyes never close. His fault, his fault, his fault. </em>Caleb sighs shakily. It's better this way, isn’t it? </p><p>Molly will have to come into the shop eventually, and when he does, Caleb can apologize and Molly can end their friendship. This is better in the long run. Caleb pulled out his Dunamancy textbook and buried himself in the pages. </p>
<hr/><p>Seven days. Mollymauk hadn’t been into the <em> Tea-stament of Faith </em>for seven days, six hours, fifteen minutes, and twelve seconds. He wears his sweatpants covered in holes and eats whatever leftovers he can find in the fridge. He doesn’t really leave his room. He doesn’t go to work. Yasha checks in on him every morning, and every morning he tells her that he still feels sick, and to go on without him. Every morning he gets less and less convincing. </p><p>Caleb Widogast hadn’t slept since his last nightmare. He’d been managing this through the heavy application of some anti-sleeping potions he’d had saved. He was running low, and he didn’t have enough gold to buy any more, so he knew- logically- that he would have to go to bed soon, but Caleb decided that would be a problem for him when he reached that point. For now, Caleb doesn’t sleep. He went to work, he went to class, and he did school work.  </p><p>Yasha had told Beau and Caduceus that Molly was ill after the second day. She didn’t sound convinced. Beau and Caduceus had stopped trying to talk to Caleb after the third day. They let him sit on a stool in the corner and study or do schoolwork. They left food or drink in front of him, that he never ate or drank. They would have whispered conversations in the back, unsure how to help him. They text Nott, asking her what’s wrong, but Nott can’t get any answers out of him either. Nott says he’s eating- barely- at home. That’s some comfort. Not enough, but some.</p><p>By the fourth day, Caleb looks half-alive and Yasha is starting to get seriously worried. Beau pulled her aside and asked point-blank if Molly is okay. He’s not. He hasn’t left the house since that day at the shop, with the drow. Yasha told Beau that Molly sleeps about 17 hours a day. He hadn’t changed his clothes in four days or showered. Yasha had to force him to brush his teeth every day. She isn’t sure if he’s been eating or not. Beau kicked a nearby table in frustration. She feels helpless, she can’t do anything if no one tells her the problem. She can’t punch a ghost- not really. </p><p>By day six, Molly is near comatose on his bed. He barely reacts when Yasha comes into the room and turns the light on. He had bundled himself in a nest of blankets and pillows in the middle of the mattress, to the point where you could barely see him. Yasha maneuvers until she is encased inside the mess of comfort with her friend, the big spoon, and hugs him tight. Molly is wordless and Yasha’s heart squeezes tight when she realizes how bad this is. She doesn’t go to work that day, she doesn’t leave the house. She stays with Molly, and holds him, and reminds him that he isn’t empty or alone. </p><p>Nott wakes up in the middle of the night on day seven, around two am, and sneaks into the kitchen for a midnight snack. She doesn’t turn on a light, because her eyes allow for night vision, so she sees Caleb sitting awake in the dark long before Caleb sees her. He’s sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest, and he’s staring into the middle distance. Nott’s heart breaks, for the umpteenth time, for the person she considers a son. She makes more noise than usual walking into the living room, so Caleb hears her. She doesn’t say anything when she sits down next to him, she just throws a blanket over both of their shoulders and reaches a hand out to pet Frumpkin. </p><p>On the eighth day, Beau and Yasha decide to take matters into their own hands. </p>
<hr/><p><b>Yasha</b> <b>🖤</b> <b>: Beau, Molly is not getting any better and I am assuming Caleb is the same, if not worse.</b></p><p><b>Beauregard</b> <b>💙</b> <b>: god yash its like you can read minds</b></p><p><b>Beauregard</b> <b>💙</b> <b>: i was literally just about to text you</b></p><p><b>Beauregard</b> <b>💙</b> <b>: calebs really bad yash, cad nott and i are really worried</b></p><p><b>Yasha</b> <b>🖤</b> <b>: I am assuming you have a plan, yes?</b></p><p><b>Beauregard</b> <b>💙</b> <b>: you know me so well</b></p><p><b>Yasha</b> <b>🖤</b> <b>: Does this plan involve hitting?</b></p><p><b>Beauregard</b> <b>💙</b> <b>: hmm. not this one surprisingly </b></p><p><b>Beauregard</b> <b>💙</b> <b>: unless you cant get molly to the shop tomorrow morning</b></p><p><b>Beauregard</b> <b>💙</b> <b>: then yes. yes it does</b></p><p><b>Yasha</b> <b>🖤</b> <b>: All right then.</b></p>
<hr/><p>Yasha knocked softly on Molly’s door, not expecting nor receiving an answer. She slowly opens the door and enters. His lights aren’t on, and she sees a lump in the center of his bed where she knows she’ll find the tiefling if she digs long enough. Yasha looked at his bedside table and saw several glasses of water that he didn’t manage to drink and a few plates of leftovers he didn’t get around to eating. Yasha sighed softly, crawling into bed with her friend, moving throw blankets and comforters aside until she can see Molly. He’s pale and sleeping.</p><p>Yasha shook Molly awake, waiting until his red eyes came slightly into focus and stayed that way before sitting back on her heels. Molly didn't sit up, but he did move his head a little to look at her better. He didn’t say anything, but she never really expected him to. Yasha knew this wasn’t just about Caleb anymore, but she wouldn’t know how to help him unless he told her. Obviously, a week of leaving him to figure it out for himself was not the correct solution, as Beau had pointed out. </p><p>“Molly,” Yasha whispered, “I am going to Caduceus’ today. You are coming with me.” That did get a reaction out of the tiefling. His eyes gained some clarity and he shook his head a little bit. Yasha narrowed her eyes a little, “Mollymauk. That was not a yes or no question or was it negotiable. We are leaving in an hour, and unless you want Caduceus to see you unshowered, I suggest you get up and start moving.” Yasha leaned down and kissed her shocked friend on the cheek before standing from his bed with only a little difficulty and heading towards the door. Her hand was on his doorknob when she heard a very distressed, “<em> an hour?” </em> and she smiled, relieved beyond words. </p><p>Yasha, of course, had lied about leaving in an hour. She needed to shock Molly back into his body somehow, and threatening him with getting ready in under three hours was a sure-fire way to do that. After Yasha had closed the door to his bedroom with a deafening click, Molly had burst out not long after, wrapped in a blanket and still wearing his sweatpants Yasha had secretly been planning on throwing out at the nearest opportunity. His scarlet eyes were wide in a slight panic- but it was his usual “Mollymauk panic that involved trying on several outfits and doing his makeup” panic, not “wallowing in misery” or “confronting his feelings” type of panic. Yasha smiled and held up a plate of breakfast for her friend, who instantly deflated once he realized he’d been played. </p><p>“That was not playing fair, darling.”</p><p>“You’ve been worrying me for a week. You don’t deserve fair.” Molly winced a little, giving Yasha a guilty smile.</p><p>“Touché, darling.”</p><p>While Molly was devouring his breakfast, Yasha scrutinized him. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze but tried not to say anything about it. He deserved it if he was being fair to the girl, and Molly was always fair to Yasha. So he sat and fidgeted as she x-rayed him with her mismatched gaze. He also ate like there was no tomorrow because he hadn’t really eaten well the past week. Oops.</p><p>“We have to talk about it, Molly,” Yasha said softly. Molly sighed and put down his fork.</p><p>“We could not,” Molly starts hopefully, “we could ignore it forever and ever and-” Molly wilted under Yasha’s glare. He sighed again and nodded his head mutely. “I… I am not good with… feelings, darling, and you might have noticed this. I don’t have much experience with them. Sex? Gods, yes. Flirting? Absolutely. Feelings? I run from like my tail is on fire. And I’m afraid, love, to feel anything, really. I’m not afraid to love you, but I’m afraid to love Jester or-or Beau, or Fjord or-”</p><p>“Or Caleb,” Yasha murmured and Molly physically recoiled from his name, as if it was a physical strike. “What he did- what he said in the shop last week hurt you, and you didn’t know how- how to handle it.” It wasn’t a question, but Molly nodded anyway, picking at his food. “I am also not good with-with feelings. After Z- after everything, I am also not good with feelings. But I do know that you can learn, Molly. You of all people can <em>learn </em>and can grow. Jester loves you. Beau loves- <em> quiet, </em> yes she does. Fjord and I love you. Caleb and Nott are <em>newer </em>and more fragile, but they could love you too if you let them, I think. Do you want to let them?” Molly looked up at Yasha, then. They both knew that Yasha wasn’t talking about Nott. Not really. Molly nodded his head again. “Then you can’t hide in our house forever. There’s only room for one coward, here, and I’ve already been a coward much longer than you have.” Molly opened his mouth to admonish Yasha but she glanced at the clock over the stove in an exaggerated manner. “We should get going soon.” </p><p>Molly went back to his bedroom and stood in front of his vintage, full-length mirror. He looked like shit. If he was going to stand in front of Caleb, and potentially grovel, he would have to look his usual level of gorgeous. Yasha was just going to have to wait, then, because this was going to take time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you.<br/>Angst, baby! When will these dumb-dumbs talk about their feelings? Who knows! (I definitely know)<br/>As always, please tell me about any errors I've made, it fuels me like Calcifer's fire.<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Motherwort and Hawthorn Berry Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you. Warnings for this chapter: panic attacks and discussions of past abuse. If reading this is disturbing for you, please do not do it- no worries! I’ll see you in the next chapter, and if I do not then that is just the way the mop flopped. My mop was actually a Swiffer Wet Jet that had run out of cleaner three weeks ago. Your mop was one of those really cool spiny ones that come with its own bucket. I’m very jealous of your mop.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Beau stood in front of Caleb’s hunched form on his stool, watching his bloodshot eyes dart back and forth across his Dunamancy textbook. He was rereading a chapter he had read three days ago. Beau knew this because she had looked over his shoulder and made a note of the page number while pretending to sweep the store. She didn’t even have to try and be that stealthy. Caleb had rarely looked up from his textbooks this past week, mouth forming around soundless words as he absorbed and reabsorbed information at an alarming rate. Everything about Caleb was alarming right now, though. From his clothes hanging off his body in a way that they hadn’t before, to the deep purple bruises under his eye sockets that only grew larger and larger every day, to the text that Nott had sent Beau in the middle of the night. Beau hadn’t read it until she had woken up the next day, dread curling in her stomach like acid. It had only been three words: “<em>Caleb not sleeping</em>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So now, Beau stood in front of Caleb as he read his textbook, knowing that he had no idea she was even in the store with him, nonetheless directly in front of him. Beau sighed. Then she reached out and snatched Caleb’s book out of his hand and tossed it over her shoulder, across the room without looking. A small part of her, that she wasn’t entirely proud of, was a little satisfied at the sound it made when it hit the floor. It was childish, and she knew that but Beau wasn’t here to analyze herself. She was here to potentially hit Caleb until he listened to her, and started taking care of himself again. Maybe she’d punch him an extra time, just as a reminder to never do it again. Caleb was pretty squishy, though, so maybe not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb’s blue eyes came back into focus and he glared up at Beau. “What the fuck, Beau?” Beau placed her hands on her hips and leaned down into Caleb’s space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to fucking stop with this shit.” Caleb’s face cooled and he leaned back away from her slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noted, Beauregard. Now, can you move? I’d like to go pick my book back up.” Beau scowled at Caleb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You wanted to fucking sit in that fucking stool and waste away. So now you get to sit there and listen to me.” Caleb let out a little frustrated huff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was in the middle of-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-rereading the same fucking chapter as three days ago, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah </span>
  </em>
  <span>you were,” Beau narrowed her eyes some more at her friend. “Fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>listen </span>
  </em>
  <span>to me Widogast. I don’t know how many fucking times we have to say this, but we all fucking </span>
  <span>care </span>
  <span>about you okay? I don’t give a shit what you think you </span>
  <span>deserve</span>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <span> because guess what? You don’t get to </span>
  <span>decide </span>
  <span>who I care about. I fucking </span>
  <span>c</span>
  <span>are about you</span>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <span> you giant Zemnian asshole, and I’ve had to watch you fucking hurt yourself for an entire week for </span>
  <em>
    <span>no fucking reason-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that,” Caleb’s voice was soft and tortured, and it completely cut through the rest of whatever Beau was going to say. She pulled back slightly, mouth opening a little in confusion. “You don’t know if it was for no reason or not,” Caleb insisted, still speaking in barely above a whisper. He wasn’t looking at Beau, twisting his fingers into each other, over and over again until the skin turned red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you won’t fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell </span>
  </em>
  <span>me… so help me understand,” Beau pleaded, reaching a hand out and grabbing one of Caleb’s. He forced himself to not jolt away from her touch. “You don’t get to just hurt yourself and expect me to just fucking </span>
  <span>sit </span>
  <span>here, Caleb- </span>
  <em>
    <span>help me understand why.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Caleb chewed at his lip, bitten nails trying to dig into his palms to no avail. Slowly, he exhaled shakily and looked up into Beau’s brutally honest gaze. Everything about Beau was either brutal, honest, or brutally honest. There really wasn’t room for anything else in her. She cared </span>
  <em>
    <span>now,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but what would she do if she found out the truth? How would this woman, with her sense of justice, react to the disgusting person in front of her? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not well,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Caleb thought sadly. His eyes dropped back down to his hands. He gently extracted himself from Beau’s grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t…” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Beau asked, frustrated beyond belief. She refused to just let Caleb continue to hurt himself, to neglect himself to the point where his body shut down around him. If she had to knock his ass out and physically drag him to the healers’, she would. Caleb shook his head sadly and Beau spun away from him for a second. Caleb’s shoulders dropped more, and he somehow felt even more defeated than when he entered the shop this morning and Beau hadn’t even greeted him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is for the best. The more distance, the better. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beau spun back towards Caleb, eyes steely. “Fuck that. I’ll get Jester in here and Zone of Truth the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>out of this place. Don’t fucking test me, Widogast, I’ll do it. Just- fuck,” Beau cut herself off and took a deep breath. She ran a hand through her hair and gripped the roots, “Okay, look. Okay. It doesn’t have to be here. We can go to your place after work, make sure Nott’s home and shit, have Frumpkin there because I know that’ll help and whatever but look, man, you have to tell me what’s going on. Because this is about more than just Molly, and I can’t help you if you won’t even fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk to me,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Caleb.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau pretended not to notice the way Caleb physically reacted to Molly’s name, as if she had slapped him. She sighed but didn’t relent, dropping her arms from her head and crossing them in front of her. Caleb was quiet for several minutes, but Beau didn’t move from in front of him nor did she break the silence. She just stood there, arms crossed over her chest, and waited. Eventually, Caleb released a very shaky breath and nodded his head while still looking at his hands. He twisted his fingers together, picking at the skin around his fingernails, and whispered, “I… I cannot… Okay. All right. But this is… This is not going to go how you think- how do you think it is going to go. I am not – I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not… </span>
  </em>
  <span>We can talk… At my house. With Nott. After work.” Caleb‘s words dried up, and he fell into a hopeless silence, still not looking up at Beau. Beau wasn’t entirely satisfied with Caleb‘s answer, but she channeled Fjord’s near-endless patience and reached out and clapped Caleb once on the shoulder (probably harder than she should have) and walked away. It would do, for now. For now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau knew she should have warned Caleb that Molly and Yasha were coming to the shop today. She knew that she should have warned Caleb that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Molly </span>
  </em>
  <span>was coming to the shop today. She also knew that if Caleb knew Molly was coming to the shop today, he would have worked himself up into a panic attack, or potentially not shown up himself. This didn’t stop the bite of guilt from clawing at the girl’s stomach when the pleasant shine sounded throughout the shop like a death sentence, and Yasha walked through the door. Neither Caleb nor Beau saw Molly at first because it looked almost as if he was hiding behind his taller friend until they both reached the cash register. Molly stepped out from behind Yasha and gave Beau his best shit-eating grin as if it was just another normal day. As if he hadn’t been a missing person’s case for a week. She refrained from hitting him. Barely</span>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb was still sitting at his stool in the corner, so Molly almost didn’t see him at first. And then he did see him. And then he could do nothing </span>
  <em>
    <span>but </span>
  </em>
  <span>see him. Caleb looked like shit</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He looked thinner, somehow, in the week that they hadn’t seen each other. The eye bags he had acquired were incredibly alarming, and Molly somehow knew even without asking that Caleb hadn’t been sleeping. Molly wasn’t sure for how many days Caleb had decided not to sleep, but he knew that it had to be more than a few. Concern gnawed at Molly. Caleb brought his eyes up from his torn fingernails and met Molly’s scrutiny and Caleb’s jaw dropped a little bit. He looked at Molly like he was seeing a ghost. Molly felt himself turn bright purple almost immediately. Fuck. He deserved this, a little bit, he knew. It still didn’t feel very great. Molly took a deep breath and stepped forward. He opened his mouth and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>have you been?” Molly winced. Subtlety – not exactly one of Beau’s strong suits. She was standing at the counter with her arms crossed over her chest, feet braced apart, and glowering at Molly as if he had kicked Caleb‘s cat. Molly tried to lean to the side a little bit to get a better look at Caleb, and Beau leaned with him, blocking Molly‘s view. Molly’s grin flattened a little bit, and Yasha nudged his foot subtly with hers. He really was not going to get out of this easily, was he? Beau was on a roll, “You don’t text, you just stop showing up for a fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>week </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tealeaf, and now you’re here, wearing – Nice outfit, by the way– and you just expect everything to be fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The tips of both of Beau’s ears were a little red, and Molly knew that meant that she’s embarrassed by her outburst, but she was also Beauregard Lionett and she would do nothing if not stick to her guns. Which meant, Molly had two choices: answer her, or turn around and run away. Molly was really considering the latter when Yasha kicked his foot again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, darling, I’ve been lying.” Beau jerked a little at that statement and Molly's very sensitive ears picked up on Caleb shifting slightly in the corner. This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>how he had planned on apologizing to the wizard for his behavior in the shop a week ago, but Beau was difficult and she was giving him no other option. So Molly did what Molly does best: he opened his mouth and word vomited everything he was thinking, and unfortunately (or… probably, fortunately, in this one special case) no one stopped him, “I told Yasha that I was feeling ill, but I was lying. Not my usual </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun </span>
  </em>
  <span>brand of lying, either. I rescheduled all of my appointments for the past week, under the same lie that I was ill. I have ordered so much take away food </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>I have eaten every single thing of leftovers still in my fridge in order to avoid leaving my house and let me tell you it got a little dicey there for a moment, there was this carton of rice in the back corner of the fridge, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>that I probably should not have eaten it, but I did anyway because I didn’t wanna leave my house. And I told everyone that I didn’t want to leave my house because I was feeling ill, but I was lying. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>feeling like shit but it had nothing to do with my immune system, and everything to do with my fucked up head. And one of the last things that I really wanted to do today, darling, was come into Mr. Clay’s fine establishment and bleed my feelings all over his damn floor like this but I really haven’t given myself any other choice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Complete, shocked silence meets Molly’s little speech. He almost preens. Almost. Most of his pride has dried up and left him, at this point, though. He’s quiet for a moment, looking at Beau’s slack-jawed expression. He leaned forward over the counter and whispered conspiratorially, “It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>a nice outfit, though, isn’t it?” Beau reared back a fist and cold-cocked him. His last thought before he hit the floor is that he probably deserved that one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes later, when he has an ice pack pressed against his cheek and he’s sitting in Caleb’s chair with Beau, Yasha, and Caleb all hovering over him in a worried manner- he almost thinks it was worth it. Almost. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha took Beau into the back room to cool off because one of the first things that Molly did when he returned from visiting his ancestors was grin goofily at her and ask if she pulled the punch or not. Beau’s fist is halfway through the air before she even realized what she was doing. Luckily, Yasha is there to grab it and tuck it under her arm and pull Beau away, foaming at the mouth. This is good because Molly wasn't sure he could stop himself from being himself long enough to not get laid out on the floor of Caduceus’s teashop again. It was also bad, because now Caleb is the only other person in the store, kneeling in front of him and still looking haggard and concerned. Molly was the one concerned about Caleb, the wizard had no right to look at Molly with fathomless blue eyes and all that </span>
  <em>
    <span>concern. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It wasn’t fair. Molly sighed a little, and slumps in the stool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Mister Caleb.” Caleb blinked hard at that and leaned back a little to study Molly some more. Molly, who silently cursed himself, opened his mouth in a little smirk and asked, “Did Beau leave something on my face, darling?” before he immediately winced and apologized again. Caleb frowned harder, and he stood and tilted Molly’s head back so he could look into Molly’s eyes better. Molly desperately tried not to blush. He really did. “What are you doing, Mister Caleb?” Molly bit down on his tongue to avoid saying a lot of other things that would only make the wizard more uncomfortable. Caleb didn’t like it when Molly flirted with him, and Molly dug his claws into his thighs in a desperate bid to ground himself and remember that. Apologizing for his shitty behavior and then immediately doing it again, and making Caleb uncomfortable, would kind of defeat the whole purpose of today, wouldn’t it? And Molly really had spent a while getting ready. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am checking for a concussion, Mister Mollymauk,” Caleb murmured, still searching Molly’s eyes, “but I have no fucking clue how to do that when you have no pupils.” Caleb made a little frustrated huff directly into his face that made Molly’s chest do that fucking tightening thing again. His breath smelled faintly of wintermint gum and tea. Molly refrained from rubbing at his chest, but only just barely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can assure you, Mister Caleb, I’ve had several concussions and I think other than ringing my bell, Beau left me relatively unscathed. Going to be a nasty bruise, though.” Caleb just made a little humming noise as he moved the ice pack away from Molly’s puffy cheek. He gently probed the blossoming contusion and winced in sympathy when Molly hissed. He whispered an apology in Zemnian under his breath and tilted Molly’s head this way and that. “Is there… a reason why you’re convinced I’m concussed, Mister Caleb?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You apologized,” Caleb said it so matter-of-factly, with such finality, that Molly had no idea what to say for a moment. He almost laughed, that Caleb Widogast- the wizard with social anxiety- managed to stun Mollymauk Tealeaf into blessed silence. Molly was still incredibly confused and after a few moments, Molly realized that Caleb wasn’t going to elaborate without some kind of prodding. So Molly prodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I apologized, Mister Caleb because I was sorry- not because I’m concussed.” Caleb hummed a little again, gently placing the ice pack back on his cheek and moving to stand behind the tiefling, hands gently burying into Molly’s hair and touching his scalp. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s checking for a bump on my head</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Molly thought, half delirious. He dug his claws into his thighs further, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>trying not to think about how good Caleb’s hands in his hair felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s the thing about concussions, Mister Mollymauk. They can confuse you.” Molly tilted his head back so he was gently resting against Caleb’s chest and looking up at him upside-down. Caleb left his fingers in Molly’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I be confused, if I apologized?” Caleb rolled his eyes and tugged Molly’s hair a little, clearly exasperated that Molly wasn’t understanding what was so clear to Caleb. Molly’s claws were buried so deep in his thighs that he was worried about getting bloodstains on his pants. Molly was also worried he might have made a tiny noise in the back of his throat when Caleb yanked his hair. But, </span>
  <em>
    <span>come on</span>
  </em>
  <span>!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have nothing to apologize for, Mister Mollymauk. I am the one that, ah, that needs to apologize. I was… I was planning on it. When I saw you again. And then I… didn’t.” Caleb absentmindedly ran his hands through Molly’s curly, wine-colored hair. It was very grounding and the tiefling smelled very nice. Every pass through his curls wafted the scent of peppermint leaf, rosemary, and fennel seed closer to Caleb. His hair was still a little damp, so he must have showered recently. Molly closed his eyes and sighed a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was saying I was sorry for making you uncomfortable. I know I can be a lot, darling, and I want to respect your boundaries. I wanted to tell you I won’t flirt with you anymore.” Caleb’s hands stilled in Molly’s hair. Molly didn’t open his eyes. He really didn’t want to open them and see the look of relief on Caleb’s face. He was barely holding on as it was. He had only </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>managed to get his apology out, the word thick as molasses in his throat and catching like thorns. His eyes felt prickly and he pushed his claws further into the flesh of his legs. Caleb cleared his throat above him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…  Thank you, I suppose. For apologizing. Although you did not need to. I was… having a rough day, and I took it out on you and… everyone else around me and that was not fair. To you. Or anyone else. I am sorry, Molly.” Molly opened his eyes then and looked up at Caleb, who was blushing a little and not looking at Molly. Molly pushed his head back into Caleb’s chest and he was rewarded with blue eyes. Molly smiled a genuine smile at the wizard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, darling. We all have shit days. I had a shit week. It looks like you had a shit week too, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ja?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Molly emphasized the Zemnian accent on the word and brought his smile back down into a comfortable smirk. Caleb’s ears turned pink and he twitched a bit, smiling haltingly back at Molly. Molly would have given up all the silver in his pocket to reach his hand up and rub his thumb under the deep bruises under Caleb’s eyes, but that was a line Caleb had drawn and Molly wouldn’t cross it. Molly swallowed, and it felt a little like swallowing glass and sat up straight again. Caleb’s hands slipped from his hair and Molly did not think about how much it felt like a physical loss. He really didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau and Yasha came back into the main room of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament </span>
  </em>
  <span>at the same time that Molly sat up, Beau looking much calmer. Yasha raised her eyebrows at Molly, asking without words if he talked to Caleb. Molly gave an imperceptible nod to Yasha and the face he gave her was thin and cracked and Yasha saw through it but didn’t comment. She knew that this wasn’t something that would be fixed with five minutes and an ice pack. Yasha’s mismatched eyes tracked over Caleb, who was still trying to control his blush and looking down at his fingers almost… Well, if Yasha was being honest, Caleb looked rather sad. Almost like someone had taken Frumpkin away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha was so distracted by looking at Caleb, she missed Beau walking right up to Molly and poking him in the center of his forehead. Yasha knew Beau had not meant to poke Molly very hard, but she still left a slightly darker mark than the surrounding lavender of his skin tone. Beau leaned down into Mollymauk’s space and glared at him. “Don’t fucking do it again.” No one needed her to clarify that she wasn’t talking about Molly being a smart ass. She stood back up, ear tips read, and went to the kitchen sink and started washing dishes in a way that Yasha could only describe as “violent.” Molly smirked a little and started to open his mouth but snapped it shut at the look on Yasha’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb tugged on Molly‘s hair again, bending down to murmur in his ear, “I really would not try my luck with her, right now. She did just give you a rather nasty shiner.” Yasha saw Molly subtly digging his claws into his thighs, and frowned a little. He was still sitting with his back to the wizard, so he mouthed </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘later’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>to her, hoping that she would forget and knowing that she wouldn’t. Caleb moved to the other end of the bar, and grabbed a to-go cup, looking back over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “Perhaps we should get to the part where I actually make the drinks you came in here for…” Caleb smiled a little sheepishly at his two friends. He felt bad about taking up so much time already, and he felt partially responsible for the bright purple and blue bruise blossoming across Mollymauk’s cheek. Caleb tried not to think too deeply about Molly’s apology, about his promise to stop fake flirting with Caleb. Of course, it had never meant anything to Molly, so it wouldn’t mean anything for Molly to stop. And it didn’t mean anything to Caleb, so Caleb didn’t care. Really. He didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha and Molly hung around for another twenty-two minutes and fourteen seconds. Molly drank an iced motherwort and hawthorn berry tea and Yasha had a large iced coffee. Beau had started putting cream and sugar in it without Yasha asking. She just knew what the girl liked in her coffee at this point. Not that Beau had been watching Yasha doctor her coffee nearly every day for the past seven months. That would probably be creepy, and they had restraining orders for those kinds of things. Beau was just being a good friend. Right. Yeah. Definitely. Beau decided that the counters needed to be wiped down again, and she scrubbed at a spot vehemently instead of following her previous line of thinking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation between the four friends wasn’t back to normal, by any means, but it was better. Molly was a little stiff with Caleb, unsure of what to say or do that wouldn’t push any boundaries or cross any lines. He kept putting his hands in his lap and he kept his tail curled around his ankle. Beau was still pissed at Caleb and Molly, in her overly-concerned-and-loving Beau way, so there was a lot of eye-rolling and huffing and puffing from her end. Yasha was very quiet and observant of the three people in front of her. She knew, for the most part, what had been bothering Molly, but she wanted to know why Beau and Caleb were so off as well. Talking with Beau in the back room had enlightened Yasha to Beau’s frustrated concern about Caleb and Molly. Beau hated feeling useless, and she usually responded to an outpouring of her own emotions with violence. The black eye Molly was wearing proudly attested to that. Caleb was keeping up his end of the conversation, but he still wouldn’t really look at Molly, and he still looked… sad. Beau had told Yasha she was going to talk to him more after their shifts, so Yasha would just have to be patient, she guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb had told Yasha once, a few months ago, that he had never met a person so desperate to have a family. Yasha didn’t think Caleb had really meant anything by the comment, that he had said it in more of a “passing comment” type of way, but it had cut through Yasha like a hot knife through butter. Caleb had been right, and it had taken a lot out of Yasha at the time to smile a small smile at him and say, “You’re probably right,” and then steer the conversation away from anything resembling that topic. Yasha was desperate for a family, and right now her family that she’d built around herself felt shaky and crumbly and she was now frantic to patch it back together. Yasha might have been a coward, but at least she was a patient and observant one. So for the twenty-two minutes and fourteen seconds she and Molly stayed in the shop, she was quiet and she watched her friends and tried to figure out how to help. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Beau let Caleb sit on his stool in the corner again after Molly and Yasha left, but she wouldn’t give him his book back. He had rolled his eyes but acquiesced. Beau was sweeping the store, so Caleb was left to his own thoughts. He didn’t really think that was ever a good place to be, but he was never allowed to escape. Caleb gave a humorless chuckle at that. Maybe if being a wizard on the run didn’t work out, he could have a career as a bard. He certainly had a grasp on useless, flowery poetry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb had not been prepared to see Molly today. Caleb wasn’t sure when he would have been prepared to see Molly again, but he could say for certain that it hadn’t been today. Caleb was exhausted, the need for sleep screaming in the back of his head constantly and the bubbling anxiety of his looming conversation with Beau combining in his veins to create a rather strung-out mess. And then Molly had walked in, looking incredible as usual. Caleb was always observant and even when he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be observant his brain downloaded images of the tiefling and supplemented them to the wizard constantly, usually at inopportune moments, so Caleb would describe his knowledge of how Mollymauk Tealeaf usually looked as “violently aware.” Molly had looked incredible, in a pair of ripped black overalls covered in safety pins and patches from bands Caleb had never heard of and a mesh crop top, but he also looked paler than usual. He looked more dusky thistle than lavender, and his cheekbones were sharper against his face than usual. He hadn’t been eating as well as he should have. Not that Caleb had any room to judge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Molly had apologized and confused the hell out of Caleb. Caleb still wasn’t entirely sure why Molly had apologized or insisted that he needed to apologize. Caleb had been the one to take his frustration out on the tiefling and make him think that he couldn’t flirt with Caleb anymore. Fake flirt. Caleb had made Molly think that he couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fake flirt </span>
  </em>
  <span>with Caleb anymore. Molly had never been flirting with him in the first place, not really. The thought that Caleb’s interactions with Molly were now limited to what they had been the rest of the time the tiefling had spent in the shop that day left Caleb feeling strangely hollow. Molly had been… incredibly </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleasant </span>
  </em>
  <span>to Caleb. He’d smiled, and talked to him, and he didn’t smirk at Caleb or look at him from underneath his lashes, and he kept his hands on his lap, and he sat in his seat, and he didn’t lean into Caleb’s space at all. Mollymauk Tealeaf wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleasant</span>
  </em>
  <span>, though. He was a performative asshole, an unabashed flirt who made fun of everyone around him- including himself- and tried to leave places a little better than he found them. Pleasant Mollymauk Tealeaf was a pale facsimile of the vibrant tiefling and it made Caleb feel a little empty, knowing that he had made Molly act that way, and that was how Molly would act around him from now on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb stared around the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament </span>
  </em>
  <span>and wished that he had his textbook to distract him from thinking about the end of his shift. Beau was a good person, and she believed in justice. What justice would she give to Caleb, knowing the truth about him? How would she be able to look him in the eye and not see the disgusting person he was? Caleb deserved whatever Beau would do to him when she found out the truth, but Caleb was still a coward. He still hoped that Beau would forget about their conversation and not come back to his apartment with him. Caleb could hear his blood passing through his ears. It sounded like even his veins were accusing him of the atrocities he’d committed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Scarlet eyes never close. Tha-Thump. My-fault. Tha-Thump. My-fault. Tha-Thump. My-fault. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Caleb looked down, the world distorted and shaky, and he could see his chest rising and falling through two layers of shirt and his jacket. His hands were trembling. He looked up and stared at the cash register, but it had twisted and morphed as if Caleb was looking through a fisheye lens. His world was blurry and he curled his hands into fists but his nails were too short to bite into his palms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb felt hot. He felt too hot and sweaty for the layers that seemed so necessary when he had left for work in the morning. He stripped his coat off and tried to push his sleeves up but his hands were jerky and he couldn’t make them move the way he wanted to. Caleb felt too hot. He felt like he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>burning up. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Caleb shoved a shaky fist into his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut, but images floated up from his mind unbidden and it didn’t help so he opened them again and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau was kneeling in front of him, holding a lemon. When had Caleb slid from his stool onto the floor? He moved his head woodenly away from his friend and saw the stool in question was clattered over on its side, rolling away from them slowly at an angle. Oh. Caleb had fallen. Beau held the lemon up to Caleb’s face again. “Bite it.” There wasn’t any room for argument in her voice. She wasn’t yelling, but she wasn’t giving Caleb the option to say no. Caleb took the lemon with a hand that almost refused to listen to him and lifted it up to his mouth. He met Beau’s eyes again, but they were kind and non-judgmental - just a little worried. He bit into the lemon and immediately Caleb’s face twisted up at the rush of unadulterated </span>
  <em>
    <span>sour </span>
  </em>
  <span>that flooded his mouth. “Do it again; it’ll help. I think.” Caleb nodded, lemon juice running down his chin and into his beard, and bit into the lemon again. Caleb tried to brace himself for the flavor, but as soon as his teeth tore into the flesh of the fruit, he was hit in the face almost as hard as Beau had decked Molly. Caleb rapidly blinked tears out his eyes. These weren’t tears of panic, though. Caleb realized his breathing had evened out, and the hand holding the lemon wasn’t wobbling any more. Caleb met Beau’s stare again. Caleb let out a weak laugh and wiped at his mess of a beard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>disgusting,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Beauregard, thank you. It helped.” Beau let out a sigh of relief and her face broke into a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been waiting to make you eat a lemon whole for seven months, dude, fuckin’ thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Beau gently punched Caleb on the shoulder, still eliciting a grunt of pain from the man, before pushing off her knees and standing. She looked down at Caleb with a grimace, “Was that because of Molly… or because we’re going to talk more after work?” Caleb winced and avoided looking at Beau by standing up with a groan and walking over to the closest napkin dispenser. He took his time wiping his face off more thoroughly, but Caleb knew that Beau was standing behind him and that she wouldn’t take Caleb ignoring the question as an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, it was… a little bit of both, I think.” Caleb turned and looked back at Beau. She had her hip cocked against the counter and her arms folded across her chest. She was picking at her sleeve in a contemplative way. She sighed a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Caleb, you don’t- we don’t. Fuck. Okay. We don’t have to talk, I guess. It’s your business, whatever made you fuckin’ lose it for a week. You don’t have to talk to me about it, and I’m not gonna- I dunno, force you to spill your guts to me. I just thought it might help… having someone else who knew, someone else who cared.” Beau kicked at the ground, digging the toe of her boot into the linoleum floor of the tea shop. A choice. Beau was giving Caleb a choice. Even when she was frustrated at him- angry at him- Beau was giving Caleb a choice. He could say no, and Caleb knew that Beau would respect that. He knew she would be disappointed, but that she wouldn’t say anything else about it. Caleb shook his head at his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I want… I want you to know. I do not know if- what will happen, after. After you know but… I want you to know.” Beau searched Caleb’s eyes before nodding and giving him a half-smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned back towards the back room of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament,</span>
  </em>
  <span> tossing over her shoulder, “Alright, but this doesn’t get you out of sweeping the floor. You fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>I hate doing that shit, Widogast.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb smiled.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Caleb sat in his living room with Frumpkin on his lap. He ran his hands over his cat’s ginger fur in time with Frumpkin’s breathing. He could hear Beau and Nott talking softly in the kitchen as the little goblin made the three of them dinner. He tried not to listen to what they were saying. He tried not to think, but Caleb’s brain was helpful and it never shut off, never gave him a reprieve. Caleb remembered how Beau had helped him earlier, and he tried not to think about how Beau wouldn’t want to help him soon. He tried not to think about the look on Beau’s face when she knew the truth. Caleb would see it in person soon enough, and his brain would save that image forever, continuing to torture him with it. Caleb knew he deserved it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott came into the living room with two large, steaming bowls of soup balanced in her hands. Beau was holding her own bowl and walked just behind the little goblin girl. They both looked incredibly solemn. Nott already knew bits and pieces of Caleb’s past was already aware of some of what Caleb would tell them tonight. Caleb wondered if Nott would leave him, too. Caleb wouldn’t blame her. He knew she wanted him to get stronger for the both of them, that she had her own reasons for staying with him as long as she had, but Caleb knew everyone had a breaking point. Gods did Caleb know about breaking points.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott sat down on the couch next to Caleb and sat his bowl of chicken noodle soup on his lap, balancing the spoon on the rim. Caleb stared into the swirling liquid and wished it could provide him some answers. He knew that thought was foolish, but when was Caleb not foolish? He picked up the spoon and moved it through the soup, mostly to appease Nott, who was staring hard into Caleb’s face and waiting for him to start eating. Caleb didn’t want to eat. He knew Nott and Beau wouldn’t let him escape to his bedroom without finishing at least half of what Nott brought him, though. He took a bite. It was very good chicken noodle soup. Caleb wondered if Nott got the recipe from Caduceus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb could feel Nott and Beau’s eyes on him as he continued to eat in silence. He took small spoonfuls and knew that Nott noticed, but was grateful she didn’t ask more of him. His skin felt stretched thinly over his bones and perhaps the next sharp word would cut him enough that his skeleton would tumble out. Caleb took another small bite of soup. Caleb felt more than saw Beau shift forward out of the corner of his eye. He stared hard at his soup and took another bite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau was patient for seven minutes and nine seconds. If Caleb could think of anything other than the looming threat of the conversation he was about to have, Caleb would have thought that was a new record for the girl. Caleb would have almost been impressed. Beau waited seven minutes and nine seconds before she set her empty soup bowl down on the coffee table with a deafening </span>
  <em>
    <span>clink. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Well. It had sounded deafening to Caleb, at least. Beau leaned her forearms on her knees and turned her head to look at Caleb past Nott. Nott tried to hiss something at Beau under her breath, but Beau ignored her friend and decided to barrel straight into the unpleasantness. ”I can’t exactly start us off, here, Caleb. This isn’t exactly an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting...” Beau trailed off and raised her eyebrows at Caleb, who dragged his eyes up to meet her. He exhaled shakily and set his bowl down as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you… I know we do not exactly talk politics while brewing coffee, but I need to ask you directly. How do you feel… about the Empire? I know you had a- a shitty childhood. Inside the Empire. But I need to know how you truly feel about it.” Caleb had picked up Frumpkin while he was talking and buried his hands in the cat’s fur. Frumpkin’s purr was the only thing that could be heard in the room for seventeen long seconds before Beau let out a loud puff of breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”Fuck, Caleb. I’m, uh, not super invested in politics but I can say from first-hand experience the Empire is pretty shitty overall,” Beau scratched the back of her head, unsure where Caleb was going with this but she wasn’t willing to interrupt or question him. Caleb let out another shaky breath and nodded his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ja,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I uh- I agree. I’m-'' Caleb made a frustrated noise and hugged Frumpkin further into his chest, “- I’m going to tell you a… story, Beauregard, and at the end of it you can- you can decide… what you want to do. It’s- I’m going to tell you the story of how I murdered my parents.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Fuck.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren Aldric Ermendrud was born a poor boy to two loving parents in Blumenthal. He grew up unknowing of how poor he was, for a time. His parents had secret, whispered conversations while he slept about money they did not have. They never had new clothes, but Bren couldn’t really care less as he played in the mud, collecting and cataloging the flowers that grew around his home. Bren found a kitten under a barn one day, a little ginger thing, and he took it home and nursed it and cared for it until it was strong and healthy again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Almost from the time that Bren could talk, his parents noticed Bren’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>mind</span>
  <em>
    <span>. Bren memorized faces, conversations, and everything he had ever read so quickly, so fast it almost scared them. What were they to do with their smart, beloved boy? How could they offer him the world when they couldn’t afford new boots for him? They despaired behind closed doors, they never let him know their worry but slowly, Bren started to notice.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren spent his every waking moment reading. He loved books. He loved knowledge. He loved being able to close his eyes and later on recall every word from every page. He could play out scenes in his head that he had lived before like moving pictures, like </span>
  </em>
  <span>magic</span>
  <em>
    <span>. Bren loved the idea of magic. He asked the old village women, and the wizened grumps in bars, and everyone he could think of about magic. Bren was awkward and halting in the face of social interaction- unless he was asking about books or magic. He dug through the tiny library in Blumenthal for any book, any pamphlet on more information.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The first time Bren did magic was an accident. He was helping his mother in the little kitchen. He was told to put a pot of water on to boil for stew. Bren was crouched in front of the stove with a matchstick, trying to get the dry wood to light. It wasn’t working. He was getting frustrated. Bren tried one more time with the matchstick and the little splinter of wood snapped. Bren’s stomach dropped- he knew that he shouldn’t waste things. They didn’t have the money to buy silly little matchsticks. Bren curled his fist and slammed it down against the dry wood in the stove.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The wood burst into flame.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren’s parents had more secret conversations behind closed doors. What were they going to do with their smart, wonderful boy who could now do magic? How could they help him grow and develop his powers when they couldn’t even buy enough matchsticks to make dinner? They never let Bren see their concern. They smiled, and laughed, and were delighted whenever Bren made fire. Fire was always so easy for Bren to conjure up. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>One day, when Bren was 15 and he was out at the library again, someone came to visit Bren’s parents. He was tall and thin and bald and his name was Trent Ikithon. He was smiling and kind and he hid the cruelty in his eyes. He offered an opportunity to Bren’s worried and loving parents, a once-in-a-life chance to give Bren the world. A scholarship for the Soltryce Academy. Bren’s parents could hardly believe their luck, their good fortune, Mr. Ikithon’s generosity. The Soltryce Academy was the best school of magic in the Empire. Bren could thrive. Bren could flourish. They accepted.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren loved school. He loved learning. Bren had access to all of the books he could want, all the books he could read. Making friends, and meeting people, was hard for him but he pushed it to the side in favor of learning. Bren missed his little cat at home, and he missed his parents, but he was so happy to be learning and growing and getting stronger. His teachers told him that he would be able to do great things one day. Bren believed them. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren missed his little cat, so he learned to make a new one. He studied and learned to summon a little ginger cat like the one he found under a barn, but this cat was made of fairy dust and could never truly die. Bren named him Frumpkin.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren was 16 and a half when Trent approached him with an offer: private tutelage at Trent’s own home in the countryside. Bren was amazed. Trent smiled and flattered and hid the cruelty in his eyes. Trent told Bren he would do great things if he learned more- if he learned from Trent. Trent told Bren he would not be alone, that two others had risen above the rest with Bren and they would all leave together. Bren accepted.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The house was more a mansion and it was beautiful. Astrid and Eadwulf were beautiful. They were kind, and Trent was kind- until he was cruel. Life was good, and bearable- until it was no longer good, and was no longer bearable. Crystals that were never meant to be there were shoved deep into the flesh of three pairs of arms. They were not given comfort, nor were they allowed to accept it. Comfort was weakness, and the saviors of the Empire were not allowed weakness. Bren believed he was good, that he was doing right by the Empire, and that he was doing what he needed to. At first, he was only instructed to watch.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren watched as Trent brought strangers to the home in the countryside. Bren was told they were traitors to the Empire. Bren hated them. He tried not to notice the haunted look in their eyes, the defeated slump to their shoulders. Bren tried not to notice the unrestrained glee in Trent’s eyes as he tortured them. Bren was only instructed to watch, and he was not allowed to look away. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Then Bren was instructed to perform.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren was not good at performing, at first. He learned. He got good. He still believed he was good, that he was doing right by the Empire, and that he was doing what he needed to. When Bren performed well, Trent was softer- kinder. When Bren performed poorly, Trent punished Bren nearly as badly as Trent punished the dissidents he brought to the home.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren was allowed to return home, to visit. He saw his parents, and his cat who was greying now, and he was happy again. He almost forgot about his time with Trent. He almost forgot about returning. Astrid and Eadwulf were with Bren- they also hailed from Blumenthal. Bren never thought too deeply about that before. Perhaps he should’ve. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren’s parents were worried about their wonderful, loved, smart son. He came home with ghosts in his eyes and bandages on his arms. Trent Ikithon never told them this would happen to their boy. They never wanted to see their son so haunted. Bren would smile and wave them off whenever they asked too many prying questions about his time with Trent. Bren was doing right by the Empire. Bren was doing well.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren’s parents had more worried conversations behind closed doors. Bren listened at the cracks this time, and their concern over their son turned to evil hisses and threats to the Empire. The voices were his parents but they were lies. Bren ran, sick to his stomach as he thought of the strangers Trent would bring to the home in the countryside.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren, Astrid, and Eadwulf were given one last task: remove the known threat to the Empire. Astrid and Eadwulf also had traitor parents. Bren didn’t think too deeply about it at the time. Perhaps he should have.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Eadwulf killed his parents personally.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astrid poisoned her parents at dinner.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Bren? Fire always came so naturally to Bren, so easily. Blocked doors and windows, an old wood house and hay? They had never stood a chance.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bren heard them screaming from inside and broke. Bren broke. Bren broke. Bren broke.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There were eleven years in an asylum when someone finally took Bren’s clouds away- all of Bren’s clouds. Trent Ikithon had implanted false memories inside Bren’s head. Bren’s parents were never traitors. Bren’s parents were kind and loving and dead and burned and ash and Bren killed them. Trent had a guard stationed outside his cell. Bren had learned to perform from the best, so Bren performed. He stole one token- an amulet that would protect him from Trent’s ever-searching eyes. Bren Aldric Ermendrud became Caleb Widogast. Caleb Widogast hid for five years, studying and learning, growing stronger and stronger but never strong enough.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>When would Caleb be strong enough to kill Trent Ikithon?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>There was silence throughout Nott and Caleb’s apartment for three minutes and forty-nine seconds after Caleb finished the story of how he killed his parents. Beau and Nott looked shell-shocked, and Caleb supposed he did not blame them. They had just learned their friend- someone they shared time with, a job with, a living space with even- was a murderer and a disgusting person, was probably a lot to process. Unfortunately, Beau had asked why Caleb had been doing so terribly the past week, so he figured he owed her an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As- as an answer to-to your… question. Earlier. About why I was doing… poorly… this past week. I have been having nightmares- it started two days before Molly and I- before... two days before that day. Every night, I kill Mollymauk Tealeaf in my dreams the same way I killed my parents. I am… not handling it… well. I am not handling it well,” Caleb let out a dry sob and buried his head into Frumpkin’s fur, hiding his weakness. He felt small arms wrap around his shoulders, and tears seep into his shirt. Nott was whispering apologies over and over into his ear, but she must not have understood. She must not understand. “I killed my parents. It was my fault. I am a disgusting person and if-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off!” Beau stood before she even knew what she was doing, arms splayed out to her sides, “You were brainwashed, Caleb- you didn’t know-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wanted to do it when I did it. That is all that matters-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck </span>
  <em>
    <span>off</span>
  </em>
  <span>! No it’s not, fuck- </span>
  <em>
    <span>look. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Listen. You’re not- you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>a disgusting person, okay? You were fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>brainwashed. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That asshole is the disgusting person, Caleb,” Beau searched Caleb’s face and sighed, running a hand through the long part of her hair, “I know you’re not going to believe me because you’ve got this whole fucking complex and shit but Nott and I aren’t going to let you talk about yourself like that. We’ll keep fucking telling you it’s not your fault and you aren’t a bad person until you believe it.” Caleb stared at Beau. He wasn’t sure what to say to her. He wasn’t sure he could say anything at the moment. Of all of the ways Caleb had thought this would go, Caleb had never expected Beau to be kind to him after. He reached up and ran a hand up and down Nott’s back as she continued to hug him. Beau stuck her hands in her pockets and shrugged a little, “So what do we do now? I mean, fucking obviously you need more of Deucy’s sleepy tea because fuck that’s- shit. That is shit, Caleb. But the rest of it? What do we do now?” Caleb blinked a couple of times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do not do anything, Beauregard. I am studying and getting stronger, and one day- hopefully soon- I will kill Trent Ikithon. If he gets too close, or finds out where I am- he will kill me. He will kill Nott. He will kill you. He will kill Mo- he will kill all of our friends. So, I am getting stronger but if I am not strong enough in time, Nott and I will leave so he will not be able to get to any of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s face contorted into one of rage, “Are you fucking kidding me? You’d just leave? Just like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it would keep you safe, keep Mo- keep all of you safe, then yes. I would leave right now. I have a letter for you all, in case that does happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think you could explain away you leaving with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>letter? </span>
  </em>
  <span>How the fuck do you think we’d react to that, Caleb? Jester? With her wildly unaddressed abandonment issues? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Molly? </span>
  </em>
  <span>We fucking care about you! We care about Nott! You could stay with us and we could fucking figure this out </span>
  <em>
    <span>together,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Caleb-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Beau had never heard Caleb’s voice so hardened, so cold. “I will not put you all at risk. You’ve already done too much for me, I have already used you all too much, and if Trent finds out I care for you all as much as I do he will kill you. He will torture and kill you and I will not allow that to happen!” Caleb was standing now, hands balled at his sides and glowing slightly with unreleased arcane energy. His eyes shoot down to his hands and he relaxes them immediately, gripping the scarf around his neck to give himself something to do. Beau shakes her head, disbelieving. Nott is silent on the couch, watching the interaction with over-large yellow eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to go before I punch you like I punched Molly. You’re a lot squishier and I’m not sure you’d fucking wake up if I did. But I’m not going to let you use me leaving as a catalyst for more of your complex, Caleb Widogast. I fucking care about you. The rest of us care about you. We care about you a lot, Caleb, and if you just fucking peace out on us without saying anything… Please don’t. Please, just don’t do that. We can work together on this. We care about you, and you don’t have to do this alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is exactly why I have to, Beauregard. Because I care, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau turned without another word and the slamming of the door shut behind her sounded like the hammer slamming a final nail in Caleb Widogast’s coffin.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you. Thank you for sticking with me if you are sticking with me!<br/>The angst- it just doesn't stop my guys.<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Amaranth and Jasmine Blossom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! If you’re reading this, you’re beautiful and I love you. Warnings for this chapter: panic attacks, alcohol, and pining. If reading any of this is upsetting for you, please do not- no worries. I’ll see you in the next chapter, and if I don’t then it was just the whims of Fate’s fickle finger. Fate pointed a fickle ring finger at me, and a fickle pinky finger at you. I’m unsure of the cultural implications of that, but it’s probably fine. Probably.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Beauregard Lionett stood on the cracked pavement of Caleb’s apartment parking lot. She was breathing heavily and she had her hands clenched at her sides. She was still, eyes staring up at the dusky evening sky. She walked to her car, unlocked it, and sat in the driver’s seat. She didn’t put the key in the ignition. She just sat there for an unknowable amount of time (it was probably around three minutes, but it felt like hours to Beau) staring straight ahead and curling and uncurling her hands into fists. She punched her steering wheel. It wasn’t a solution to any of her problems </span>
  <em>
    <span>now,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but it felt cathartic to just hit something. Beau hit her steering wheel again. And again. And again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Beau’s breathing evened out and she looked down at her right hand. The knuckles were red in a way that meant they would be bruised and sore the next day, but it was a distracting kind of pain. Anything to distract Beau from the pain she felt in her general chest region was a blessing. Beau hit her steering wheel once more, just for good measure. The knuckle below her right index finger split open, and Beau hissed out, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She wasn’t sure if the profanity was in reference to her hand or everything else going on. She knew it was probably the latter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau sat in her car and thought. She desperately tried to think of a logical way to handle everything happening in her life, but she was blinded by pure frustration and rage. Frustration at Caleb for shutting down and shutting her out, and rage at Trent </span>
  <em>
    <span>Motherfucking </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ikithon. Beau knew that not every problem could be solved by hitting it until it stopped breathing, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>Trent… </span>
  </em>
  <span>That was one problem that would be easily solved by taking his head and </span>
  <em>
    <span>twisting. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beau rested her forehead against the steering wheel of her car and put the key in the ignition.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau wanted to see Yasha. Yasha was always much calmer than Beau, much more level-headed. Yasha would be able to give Beau some softly worded insight that Beau would never have thought of. Caleb had not told Beau specifically not to tell anyone about his… </span>
  <em>
    <span>past,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but that didn’t mean the wizard would appreciate Beau putting it on blast to all their friends. He still believed he was a horrible person because of what he had been brainwashed and forced to do. Bile rose in the back of Beau’s throat at the memory of Caleb recounting his traumatic history. He had been glassy-eyed and his voice had been so emotionless. He spoke as if he were reading off a grocery list, but Beau knew he was vividly reliving every moment of what happened to him. Caleb’s brain would settle for nothing less. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau peeled out of Caleb’s apartment and headed straight for Yasha’s house. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Molly sat on the couch in his living room, still holding his empty tea cup from earlier, and sighed. He twisted the clear plastic to-go cup around and around, watching the watered-down dregs of motherwort and hawthorn berry swirl around. If Molly believed in his own brand of bullshit, he would say he was trying to divine his future from the tea leaves left, but Molly didn’t and he wasn’t. Molly was just staring idly into something and he was moping. Moping was better than the week-long depressive episode he had just pulled himself from, but it was a razor-thin line. Molly found it rather comforting, though, to sit on his couch and play with his empty cup and sigh heavily every couple of minutes. He kept increasing the volume and the frequency of his sighs until Yasha could no longer ignore him from their kitchen. This was mostly because Molly was soon to reach a pitch that would shatter the glass dishes in their cabinets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha stepped away from the pot of water that had been set to boil on the stove for pasta and went into the living room. Molly was now upside-down on the couch, still holding his cup and sighing. Loudly. Yasha sat down next to her overly dramatic friend and leaned over so they were eye to eye. “What’s wrong, Molly?” Yasha asked. She wasn’t sure if the tiefling would want to talk about his off behavior in the teashop earlier, but she wasn’t really going to give him the option of wiggling out of it. Molly’s scarlet eyes were troubled as he met Yasha’s mismatched ones. He didn’t straighten himself out on the couch, but he put his cup down on the floor without looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, to Yasha’s surprise, Molly answered her honestly, “Well… it’s really not a big deal, darling, it’s just that my… </span>
  <em>
    <span>flirtatious </span>
  </em>
  <span>nature makes our resident wizard uncomfortable and I’ve promised him I would stop,” Molly glanced away from Yasha and shrugged casually. Well... Molly shrugged in a way that made it seem like he had been trying to be casual but failed miserably. Yasha frowned and tucked a curly lock of purple hair behind Molly’s horn. Molly continued to fidget, uncomfortable with addressing his emotions. Molly knew that Yasha wouldn’t let him off as easily as that, but he hoped she would. Maybe the stove would catch fire and they’d be so busy escaping their burning building that Yasha would forget to make Molly talk about his </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The stove did not catch fire, and Yasha did not forget. She tucked another curl behind his horn and said, “I do not think you make Caleb uncomfortable, Molly. If you did, then why have you two gotten so close in the past months?” Molly shrugged helplessly again. He picked his cup back up and stared at it instead of looking at Yasha. He watched one bead of condensation pearl up and roll down the plastic. Yasha gently poked Molly on the forehead again, and Molly groaned dramatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>tell me in the shop that I </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>have to change the way I acted around him, Yash, so I must make him uncomfortable to some degree. It doesn’t matter, it's fine Yasha I don’t-” Molly’s unconvincing display was cut off by a loud and insistent knocking on their front door. Molly lifted an eyebrow at his friend, “I’m not expecting company, darling, are you?” He rolled over onto his stomach and flowed to his feet. He would take any opportunity to avoid continuing his conversation with Yasha. When Molly opened his front door to Beau’s scowling face, Molly considered slamming it without saying anything. Just to piss her off. Molly didn’t though. He stepped back into the living room and tossed over his shoulder, “Yasha, love, it’s for you.” Beau hissed something at his back, but Molly just ignored her and continued his walk to the kitchen. He put two boxes of macaroni pasta into the boiling water to cook. He figured if Beau was over, he might as well make enough food for three people. Molly could tell that something was bothering Beau and that it wasn’t going to be solved in a twenty-minute therapy session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau stood in Molly and Yasha’s living room awkwardly. She kept shoving her hands in her pockets only to rip them back out again to run them through her short hair. She was looking anywhere other than Yasha’s concerned face. Why did she come again? Why didn’t she just drive home and get drunk, like a reasonable person with issues? Beau was about to open her mouth, to spew any manner of excuse, and leave with her tail between her legs when Yasha moved over a little on the couch and patted the spot next to her. There was nothing in her face but patience and understanding. All the tension left Beau’s shoulders as she moved over to the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha was quiet on the couch next to Beau, waiting for the girl to start talking first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I talked to Caleb after work,” Beau blurted out, all tact failing her. Not that Beau had much tact, to begin with. There was a clatter in the kitchen and Molly’s voice hissed out a curse in Infernal. He poked his head into the living room, sucking on his right index finger. His cheeks were lightly dusted with a darker purple than his skin tone. He looked between Yasha’s knowing smile and Beau’s face, which is a mix of frustration and amusement. Molly removed his finger from his mouth and stuck the whole hand in his back pocket sheepishly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we order pizza?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha laughed quietly at that. Beau groaned and fell back onto the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha put in the pizza order while Molly poured all three of them large glasses of wine. Beau lifted an eyebrow at her wine glass, “Pizza and wine… classy, Mollymauk, very classy.” Molly rolled his eyes, reached out, and snatched Beau’s wine from her. He took a large, exaggerated gulp before handing it back to her. Beau looked mildly horrified, mildly impressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tastes plenty fancy to me, darling,” Molly winked at his friend before treating his glass of wine with the same courtesy that he treated Beau’s. He smacked his lips in an exaggerated fashion before crossing one leg over the other and leaning one elbow on his raised knee, “Now, you said you talked to Caleb?” Molly knew his voice was not as casual as he would have wanted it to be, but Molly hoped that whatever Beau had talked to Caleb about was more pressing than Molly’s poor acting skills when it came to one particular wizard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau did not disappoint. She arched one eyebrow at Molly but didn’t comment. Instead, she set her glass down on the coffee table and sighed heavily. “It’s… it’s fucked, guys. I don’t know how much I can tell you, because he didn’t ask me to keep it to myself but he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>ask, y’know? But it’s… </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucked.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Molly’s face twisted at Beau’s admission. He desperately wanted to press the girl for more information, but he knew that Beau would only clam up if he tried. He took another large gulp of wine to disguise his grimace. Yasha reached a hand out and laid it on Beau’s shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you need from us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna- fuck. Okay. Alright. So, we all know Caleb has a lot of shit going on and it’s because of what happened to him in the past, right?” Yasha and Molly both nodded their heads and Beau continued, “Right, well it’s more fucked than we- than</span>
  <em>
    <span> I</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought, I guess. He thinks… he thinks he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserve </span>
  </em>
  <span>things, because of his past. He thinks he’s a terrible person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Molly burst out before his brain could catch up to his mouth. He turned darker purple and disappeared into his wine glass, tail lashing behind himself in an embarrassed manner. Yasha hummed her agreement to Molly’s outburst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau ran a hand through her hair. “Yeah- </span>
  <em>
    <span>duh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>You know that I know that- fucking, </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>knows that except Caleb. Gods, his fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>face </span>
  </em>
  <span>when he-” Beau cut herself off and Molly dug his nails into this thigh to avoid blurting out anything else incriminating tonight. He continued to feign a level of casualness that he didn’t feel at all. Molly gestured lazily for Beau to continue, the wine and nerves churning in his stomach and making him feel sick. “He won’t… he won’t let me help him, and it’s because he thinks he fucking deserves it or something and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ice dropped into Molly’s stomach and he set his half-empty glass on the coffee table. Yasha leaned forward and caught Beau’s gaze, “Beau… Is Caleb in danger…?” Molly was glad he had set his drink down when he did because the flinch that involuntarily worked its way up his spine would have sloshed wine down the front of his shirt. Beau shrugged helplessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but not immediate- I think. He… he’s planning on leaving if it gets bad. If the… the </span>
  <em>
    <span>danger </span>
  </em>
  <span>becomes more immediate.”</span>
</p><p><span>“What? </span><em><span>No</span></em><span>!” Molly sat straight up, back rigid and tail whipping behind him indignantly. He could not work up the energy to be embarrassed about how obvious he was acting when the thought of </span><em><span>Caleb leaving- Caleb</span></em> <em><span>gone </span></em><span>filled his head. Yasha also sat up straighter, a frown creasing her brow. Molly opened his mouth but stopped short when the sharp sound of the doorbell rang throughout the house. Molly hissed more curses in Infernal under his breath as he stood and went to collect their pizzas.</span></p><p>
  <span>Molly came back from the foyer loaded with several large pizzas, the smell wafting up from them not doing much to settle his rolling stomach. Yasha still had her hand on Beau’s shoulder, and they were talking quietly. Beau looked more relieved, and she was leaning into Yasha’s touch slightly. Molly wondered if he was as obvious as his friends. He certainly hoped not, considering that he didn’t feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>for </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>like the feelings Beau and Yasha obviously had for each other. Molly plastered on a grin and set the pizzas on the coffee table with a little flourish. “Dinner, my darlings, is served.” Beau rolled her eyes and reached for a meat lover’s slice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three friends were quiet for a few moments as they just enjoyed the pizza and wine. It’s not, as Beau had pointed out, the classiest thing they could have done but it was delicious and comforting. Molly really appreciated the comfort at the moment. He pulled his feet underneath him and curled his tail around his waist. Yasha watched her purple friend out of the corners of her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can we do to help, Beau?” Yasha asked as she handed Beau her pizza crust without a word. Beau smiled softly down at the offering before her face fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we can convince him not to grab Nott and run,” Molly managed to conceal his wince that time, “by, I dunno, aggressively being his friend or something. Showing him that we care whether or not he wants to see it.” Molly was thoughtful for a moment, a little grin playing around the edges of his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, is anything about you </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>aggressive?” Beau scowled at Molly but he continued before she hit him for the second time that day, “But I quite like this idea… forcing Mister Caleb to suffer our delightful friendship until he doesn’t have a choice but to let us help him through… whatever it is that he is going through. It’s just the right amount of terrible that nothing or absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>could go wrong,” Molly winked at Beau. Yasha nodded her head slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think… if we can convince Caleb that he does have friends… and it is okay that he has friends… he might be less resistant to accepting our help with… whatever it is that he needs help with,” Yasha looked at Molly and Molly nodded his head, “We want to help, Beau. Is there anything else that you need…?” Beau huffed out a small breath and her eyes darted away from Yasha’s. The tips of her ears were red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to do some… research, I guess. I know where I have to get that research done but I just… I don’t want to fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>go </span>
  </em>
  <span>there, you know?” A crease appeared between Yasha’s eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you really go back there, Beau? You don’t have to if-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau cut Yasha off with a sharp shake of her head, “I need to, Yash, the Soul is the only place that would have any sort of information on- on... I just have to.” Beau splayed her hands out in a helpless sort of gesture. Molly’s eyes narrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait… the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Soul</span>
  </em>
  <span>? You mean that shitty group of martial arts monks that abducted you? </span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cobalt Soul?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau sighed heavily, “Yeah. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cobalt Soul.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly was silent for a moment before he reached down and picked up the half-empty wine bottle. He refilled his and Beau’s glass to the brim. Beau hid her pleased smirk behind a large sip of wine. Molly toasted Beau and Yasha before downing half his glass in one go. Molly still wasn’t sure what was happening, or if anything he had planned with Yasha and Beau would help, in the long run, so he decided that getting drunk would be better than thinking about it.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Beau left Yasha and Molly’s around 2 in the morning. Molly called a car for Beau because she was entirely too drunk to drive home. Beau said she could catch a ride from Fjord on the way into work. Molly watched Yasha watch Beau as the girl stumbled her way to the door. He watched Yasha’s hands start to reach out to hug Beau before she jerked them back to her side. Molly watched Beau stand in the doorway for a little too long, most likely trying to figure out some way to say goodbye to Yasha in a manner that relayed everything she </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>told her tonight. Molly watched Yasha give Beau a little wave and Beau turn and leave for her Uber. Molly watched the disappointment flit across both Yasha and Beau’s faces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly wandered back into the living room and flopped face first down on the couch. Yasha sat next to him and started to run her fingers through Molly’s hair. “There was a lot that Beau didn’t tell us,” Yasha murmured. She could tell from the way Molly’s shoulders tensed that what she said struck a chord with the tiefling. He rolled his head so he could look up at Yasha through one eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Caleb’s decision who he tells. He didn’t tell m- he didn’t tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>us. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His past is his past, and I for one don’t give a shit about anyone’s past,” Molly had said that phrase so many times in the six years he could remember being alive, but never before had it sounded so unconvincing. How was that fair? How could Molly feel resentful that Caleb hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him about his horrible past- the past that Molly still </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>know about, not really- when Molly pretended not to care about it? Or when Molly still hadn’t told Caleb about his own past- or lack thereof? Molly wasn’t being fair to his friend. Molly’s face was pulled into an involuntary grimace at the thought of the word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha hummed, thoughtful. “It could still be disappointing. That Caleb told Beau and not… us.” Molly made a jerky, aggressive motion with his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s known Beau longer,” Molly tried to reason. He didn’t know if it was to Yasha or to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You care for him,” Yasha whispered. Molly paled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a friend, darling. Of course, I care for him,” Molly’s voice was uncharacteristically flat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You care for him more than that, Molly,” Yasha ran her hands through Molly’s hair gently and Molly blinked rapidly against the prickling feeling behind his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t…” Molly pleaded, “I- I </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Molly shook his head. Yasha hummed and pet Molly’s head again. She gently removed the wine glass from Molly’s hand and set it on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Molly,” Yasha murmured, “all right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly stared into the middle distance, still troubled. “We should look into anti-scrying or cloaking,” Molly continued at Yasha’s confused head tilt, “Caleb would… if we were all safe from whatever it is that he’s worried about, whatever or whoever is after him… If we were all protected somehow, Caleb couldn’t leave. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t- </span>
  </em>
  <span>he- he wouldn’t be able to argue that it would be safer for him to go.” Yasha nodded her consent and pulled Molly’s head into her lap. She began to brain some of the curls on the side of his face that was faced upwards towards her. It reminded her of a time she refused to talk about like Molly was refusing to talk about something now. The memories pulsed, low and throbbing, always there in the wet misery of her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t let him leave, Molly, I promise. We’ll look into some protection stuff.” Molly closed his eyes and basked in Yasha’s calming presence. He pretended that his eyelashes weren’t wet, and Yasha said nothing as she continued to braid Molly’s hair.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Beau had her head resting on the front counter of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament of Faith </span>
  </em>
  <span>when Caleb came in for his morning shift. She had a large coffee in front of her and a half-eaten muffin. Caleb took in her eye bags and the general pallor of her skin with a raised eyebrow. Caleb was… unsure where he and Beau stood after she had left the previous night. Caleb had expected Beau to lash out at him, as he deserved. He had not expected the outpouring of </span>
  <em>
    <span>understanding </span>
  </em>
  <span>from the girl but Caleb couldn’t understand her frustration. She had seemed so upset at the concept of Caleb leaving (not at what Caleb had </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span>), but if it would keep her and Molly and everyone else safe, wouldn’t that be preferable? Why would she want Caleb around, now that she knew what she knows now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau looked up at Caleb through one bleary eye. “I look like shit, I know. Never accept any of Mollymauk’s wine, it’s fucking cursed and I hate him. If we see him today, I might deck him again.” Caleb was proud of how well he concealed his visceral reaction to his friend’s name, covering the noise that left his throat with a cough. Beau had gone to Mollymauk’s place after she had left…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dread crawled up Caleb’s throat. If Molly knew what Caleb </span>
  <em>
    <span>was,</span>
  </em>
  <span> what he was really </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>if Molly knew what Caleb </span>
  <em>
    <span>did… </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beau sensed her friend’s rising panic and lifted her head fully. “Don’t worry, I just wanted to see Yasha. Because we’re friends. Friends want to- fuck you, don’t look at me like that, never mind. I didn’t… you didn’t say last night whether I could tell anyone anything but,” Beau shrugged nonchalantly, “I figured your past is your business and it’s not my place to tell anyone about it.” The hot ball of anxiety that had been burning a hole in Caleb’s chest dissolved immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you tell her you’re in l-?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyway,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Beau cut into Caleb’s teasing, “I made you a muffin, or whatever. It’s in the toaster oven.” Caleb stared blankly at Beau as he watched the tips of her ears steadily turned redder and redder. “It’s a fucking apology, stop looking at me like that Widogast, I’m going to get a rash.” Caleb smiled at his friend and moved behind the counter, towards his apology muffin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Beauregard if anything I should-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck no you don’t,” Beau’s frustrated voice hit Caleb in the back as he removed the warm blueberry pastry and put it on a plate. Caleb turned back to Beau with a confused frown on his face. Beau ran a hand through her hair. It forced the blunt ends to stick up a little comically. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I got… angry last night- and it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>at </span>
  </em>
  <span>you- and I left and I’m apologizing for it and if we keep talking about this, I seriously am going to fucking break out.” Beau sounded completely miserable with the current analysis of her emotions and actions, and Caleb took pity on her. He took a large bite of warm muffin and smiled at her. She reached out and softly punched his shoulder, and Caleb hid his sharp intake of pained breath by swallowing thickly. He even managed not to asphyxiate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb and Beau spent the rest of their morning sweeping and mopping the store. Caleb asked where Caduceus was, as he was always the first to open the store up and the last to leave when it closed. Beau shrugged a little and told him that Cad had texted that he would be coming in late. Caleb and Beau talked idly about why Caduceus would come in late. Beau had a whole narrative of ‘Caduceus having a secret relationship and that was the reason for his absence this morning’. The ridiculous notion helped to dissuade the knot of anxiety in Caleb’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly and Yasha stopped by the store around 11 in the morning. Molly had a pair of dark sunglasses on and Caleb wondered if it was to hide the bruises under his eyes. Molly was a little paler than normal, and when he got to the register, Molly dropped into a stool and placed his head gingerly on the granite countertop. Caleb leaned over Molly’s head, “Long night, Mister Mollymauk?” Molly could hear the amusement in the wizard’s voice. He opened his mouth and was about to say a potentially </span>
  <em>
    <span>filthy </span>
  </em>
  <span>innuendo when the words died in his throat. Caleb wouldn’t appreciate that right now. Or ever. Molly picked his head up and smiled at the wizard, but it felt false even to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tired, darl- just tired, Caleb,” Molly said thinly. He dropped his eyes back down to the countertop, thankful for the glasses that hid the action, and leaned into Yasha who had come to stand next to him. Caleb blinked hard at Molly once before his shoulders dropped imperceptibly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah… right, okay. What can- what would you like? To order?” Caleb’s voice was halting as he turned to walk to the end of the bar. He wouldn’t look at Molly. Molly kept his smile in place through sheer force of will and wrapped his tail around his ankle to avoid giving himself away. This was fine, they were fine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, what’s this tea? It looks beautiful,” Yasha asked quietly, pointing to a glass jar with several bundles of tea leaves. They look like balls of dried flowers. Caleb flinched slightly before returning Yasha’s smile. It was wan, but no one commented on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is, ah… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Herr </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clay calls it the, uh, Longing Heart Flowering Tea. It is green tea, amaranth, and jasmine blossom.” Caleb’s ears were a little red and he still was not looking at Mollymauk. Molly's smile turned into a sort of grimace at the name of the tea. Honestly, it’s as if the gods were trying to make fun of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He schooled his expression into a more amicable one.  “That sounds nice, we’ll take two of those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb went to go make the tea while Beau stood in front of her two friends. She threw a sugar packet at Molly and hissed under her breath, “What the fuck was that about?” Molly bared his teeth at the girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely nothing, darling. Just two </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends </span>
  </em>
  <span>talking,” Molly turned to walk idly among the bookshelves and he pretended not to notice the look of sympathy on either Yasha or Beau’s face. The chime that meant customers filtered to where Molly was definitely </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>hiding amongst the merchandise and Molly heard Jester’s overexcited voice punch through the silence of the shop. Fjord’s gentle drawl followed soon after. Some of the tension left Molly’s shoulders. It would be easier, in a larger group, to act normally. Everything was fine. He was fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester squealed and launched herself into a hug when Molly reappeared in front of his friends. “Molly! Oh, my </span>
  <em>
    <span>gods,</span>
  </em>
  <span> you look amazing but also totally shitty- are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>hungover? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Is that a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bruise </span>
  </em>
  <span>on your cheek? Did you get into a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bar fight?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jester leaned back and gave her friend a once-over. The tiniest frown glanced over her face before it disappeared behind a blinding smile. Molly tweaked Jester’s nose and winked at her, comfortable slipping into his normal and unaffected attitude.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little hungover, darling and the bruise is from Beau’s fist connecting with my face in the most loving way possible,” Molly stage whispered. Molly tried not to look at Caleb out of the corner of his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester pulled away from Molly and spun towards Caleb, giving the wizard a large hug where she shook him back and forth a few times. Caleb blushed and smiled down at Jester, ruffling her hair. “Ah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hallo </span>
  </em>
  <span>Blueberry,” Caleb greeted his friend. Molly turned to Fjord and ginned at the half-orc, unable to look at anything to the left of him at the moment. His hand drifted up and rubbed at his chest a little. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Heartburn- </span>
  </em>
  <span>he had heartburn, nothing more. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord arched an eyebrow at Molly, “If you say so, Molls.” Shit. He had said that out loud, hadn't he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group of friends stood around the counter of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament,</span>
  </em>
  <span> chatting and talking. Jester bounced up and down on the balls of her feet and grabbed Molly’s hand, “We should </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally </span>
  </em>
  <span>have another Movie Night, right Molly? It would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much fun! </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much fun last time and we should </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>do it again, like, next week maybe.” Jester turned overly large puppy-dog eyes onto the purple tiefling who smiled fondly down at her. Molly opened his mouth to agree, but when he looked up he saw how pale Caleb had gotten, and how he wasn’t looking at Jester or him anymore. Molly closed his mouth with a little snap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I might be a bit too busy, darling, but you’re welcome to have a Movie Night without me,” Molly nudged Jester on the shoulder and hoped his smile wasn’t warped or transparent enough for the perceptive tiefling to pick up on. Molly was looking firmly at Jester, so he missed the way Caleb’s shoulders tensed, or how Caleb’s face flickered before it smoothed out again. Jester leaned away from Molly with a pout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it won’t be the </span>
  <em>
    <span>same </span>
  </em>
  <span>without you, Molly, and now that you’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen </span>
  </em>
  <span>every </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tusk Love </span>
  </em>
  <span>movie-” Molly winced and rubbed at his chest again “- we could </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally </span>
  </em>
  <span>start watching the spinoff series and-” Jester gasped loudly “-are you going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>busy </span>
  </em>
  <span>because you have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>date?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jester wiggled in excitement at the prospect. It would be so easy, Molly thought. This little lie could be his way out, could make Caleb more comfortable around him. Caleb wouldn’t need to feel like Molly felt anything towards him other than genuine friendship if he was supposedly dating someone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly looked at Yasha, who was frowning at him. She shook her head slightly- not enough for anyone except Beau to notice, who had been looking at the tall girl anyway. Molly sighed and slumped into Jester, “No such luck, I’m afraid. Just some extra work at the shop, making up for the lost time and all of that.” Jester’s eyebrows narrowed a tiny bit, but she let it slide. She turned to Fjord to plead with him about movie night. Fjord looked a little like a deer caught in headlights, suddenly having Jester’s full attention on him. Molly chuckled and leaned his hip against the counter as he watched his friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau turned to Molly with a raised eyebrow, “Extra work at the shop, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not fucking now, Beau, please I-” Molly hissed under his breath, but stopped when Caleb pushed a clear mug with what looked like a blooming flower in it in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m- I’m interrupting, I’m sorry,” Caleb looked pained and started to turn away, but Beau slung an arm over his shoulder and bared her teeth at Molly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, dude, Molly was just talking about-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“- </span>
  <em>
    <span>How sad I’ll be,</span>
  </em>
  <span> missing a Jester Movie Night,” Molly interrupted Beau with a glare before he turned and smiled feebly at Caleb, “but I’m sure you all will have enough fun for me.” Jester deposited herself into the conversation at the mention of Movie Night and clung to Moly’s side, begging him to reschedule his appointments. Molly was thoroughly distracted by her and missed Caleb’s sad smile as he turned away to do dishes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb was mad at himself, mostly. He hadn’t told Molly that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>want the tiefling to act differently around him, so Caleb had no right to feel sad at the shift in their friendship. Molly was being overly pleasant to Caleb, he was being considerate of Caleb. He was trying not to make Caleb uncomfortable. It wasn’t Molly’s fault that seeing Molly and Jester cling to each other and seeing him smile down at Jester in a way Molly wouldn’t smile at Caleb anymore caused a sharp pain to shoot through his chest. That was Caleb’s fault but it was better this way. The further away Mollymauk drifted, the better for him in the long run. Molly would be safer if he clung to Jester, Molly would be happier being friends with an exuberant and happy soul like Jester. What could Caleb offer someone like Mollymauk Tealeaf- other than a looming threat he had no idea about? It was better this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb turned his head to greet a customer as the chime sounded throughout the bookstore. A woman walked in. She was a little short, with dirty blonde hair that didn’t quite reach her chin. She had kind brown eyes and a nose that Caleb could only describe as ‘nice’ - aquiline and proud. She was slight but attractive with severe features. He cataloged these features individually, mechanically but Caleb’s stomach dropped out when he pieced them together. Caleb opened his mouth- to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>what,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he had no idea, but Beau was already walking to the register to get her order. Caleb wanted to scream at Beau to </span>
  <em>
    <span>run,</span>
  </em>
  <span> to </span>
  <em>
    <span>get away, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but the words were stuck in his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman opened her mouth, but someone else’s voice came out. Caleb frantically searched the woman’s arms, but they were free of the same scars that marred Caleb’s. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She wasn’t Astrid. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Caleb looked at her more clearly. Her hair was the wrong color, and her eyes were too. But how easy would it be, for it to have been Astrid? How horrible would it have been for her to walk into Caduceus’s shop and see him there, surrounded by people he cared so deeply about? Caleb’s vision went blurry and he sat down on the closest stool hard. It would be so easy for anyone to see Caleb here, for his friends to be put into more danger. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What was he doing here</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Molly had been watching Caleb out of the corner of his eye, and he noticed the immediate change in the other man. Molly twitched forward, hands reaching out towards Caleb before he jolted back and shoved them in his pockets. Jester caught Molly’s eyes first, and then looked at Caleb. The blood drained from her face a little and she moved over to Caleb and grabbed his hand. She lifted him to his feet with one sharp pull and tugged him into the back room of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tea-stament</span>
  </em>
  <span>, wordless</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Good. Jester would take care of Caleb. Good. That was good, Caleb deserved to have his friends take care of him. If Molly had approached the wizard, he probably would have made Caleb’s panic worse. Molly had that effect around Caleb, it seemed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone else noticed Caleb and Jester’s immediate departure into the back room, and Fjord smiled a little wistfully. “She’s real good at that,” Fjord said, “helpin’ through freak-outs and stuff. She’s always helpin’ me.” Beau looked at the closed door of the back room and made a noise of agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s always a lot more willing to help other people than herself,” Beau said. Fjord’s smile pinched a little at the corners and he nodded his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb and Jester came back about fifteen minutes later. Caleb was still pale but he smiled weakly up at Beau when she raised an eyebrow at him. Caleb told Beau he didn’t need another lemon when the girl went to reach into her pockets. Molly wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but he didn’t ask. The joke was </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there,</span>
  </em>
  <span> on the tip of his tongue, but Molly swallowed it down. It tasted like ash. He picked up his lukewarm tea and took a sip, hoping to drown out the flavor coating his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus got to the shop around noon, and out of all the hungover or recovering-from-a-panic-attack people there, Caduceus looked worse. His normally pale grey tone was ashen and his nose is bright red and raw. He greeted everyone and sounded incredibly congested. Molly winced, having survived Caduceus with a cold only once before. He had only admitted to being sick </span>
  <em>
    <span>after </span>
  </em>
  <span>he passed out in the shop and was forced home on bed rest by Beau under threat of death. Molly and Beau made eye contact, and Beau’s face was grim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caddy you sound </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrible,</span>
  </em>
  <span> like really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>terrible and stuffy like you’ve got a </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>bad cold or something,” Jester peered up at Caduceus with a frown. Caduceus smiled serenely at Jester, but the effect was ruined by a wet cough that worked its way up his throat. He buried his head into the crook of his shoulder and hacked three painful-sounding times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Jester, just a little tired,” Caduceus waved away the concerned looks thrown his way and started to walk towards the back room, “I’ve got some filing to do, but I can come out and help later, alright?” He didn’t wait for an answer before disappearing into the back room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was quiet for a moment before they all started agreeing with each other that Caduceus definitely had a cold. Beau offered to threaten him again to get him to stay home and rest. Jester started listing off several cures for colds her mother had told her. Fjord looked at the door to the back room with concern. Yasha, as usual, had been passive most of the time, but she did voice her concern over their friend. Molly looked over at Caleb, who was still sitting on a stool and staring into the middle distance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb was grateful for Jester’s help. She had told him she’d gotten very good at helping with panic attacks after Fjord started having terrible, weird nightmares involving drowning. Caleb’s thoughts drifted back to the woman he mistook for Astrid. He thought about how </span>
  <em>
    <span>easy </span>
  </em>
  <span>it would have been, how </span>
  <em>
    <span>quickly </span>
  </em>
  <span>Trent would be able to find him if any one of his spies got thirsty while in Zadash. Terror tried to claw its way up Caleb’s throat again when he felt a warm, familiar hand on his shoulder. He looked up into Mollymauk’s worried gaze. Caleb had learned months ago how to read the emotion in those pupil-less eyes, and Caleb saw nothing but concern there now. Molly tilted his head to the side, jewelry jingling softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you still with us, Mister Caleb?” Molly asked quietly- too quiet for any of their other friends to overhear. Molly’s voice is soft and genuine. The way Molly phrased the question made Caleb think he wasn’t talking about Caleb spacing out. Caleb swallowed thickly and nodded his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ja,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Molly, I am… still with you.” Molly’s face broke out into a small, relieved smile and Caleb refused to analyze why that made his heartbeat kick up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please </span>
  </em>
  <span>stay with us,” Molly murmured and before Caleb could react to his plea, Molly bared his teeth at Caleb and released his shoulder, and stepped away, “can’t have you spacing out on us, hmm?” Caleb wanted to grab Molly’s hand and stop him from moving away, but he didn’t. Caleb wanted to tell Molly to </span>
  <em>
    <span>please stop pulling away,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he didn’t. Caleb just smiled a thin, transparent smile and nodded his head at Mollymauk while his hands curled into fists at his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb just watched as Molly turned away from him and smiled and laughed with their friends, and he thought about Molly’s ask. Caleb was still with them, but how much longer could he afford to put them all at risk? Caleb watched Molly as he leaned dramatically into Beau, who raised her hand to swing at him, while Jester laughed. Caleb would try and stay, even if it was just a little longer. Caleb allowed himself to be selfish, even if it was for just a little longer.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We have entered the pining stages of our program! There’s even some denial of feelings, as a treat. This is not scheduled to end any time soon, because our boys are both idiots. I am deeply sorry. I'm also sorry for how “on the head” the tea for this chapter is. Usually, the tea blends are a little more nuanced than this, but I didn’t know any other tea blends that symbolize longing.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If this work looks super familiar, it's because I had previously posted it, got very very sick while writing it, got better, then my laptop died and I lost access to my old Ao3 account (and my tumblr, and my discord, and all of my schoolwork which was another disaster we won't talk about here). So, here we are. I'm really, really sorry.<br/>Also, if you're reading this: you're beautiful, and I love you.<br/>Thank you to <a href="https://no-no-square.tumblr.com/">NoNoSquare </a> for the help with Zemnian.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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